DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a bad driver, and I'm constantly scared I am going to crash. I grew up in a suburb, but I have been thinking of moving to a bigger city, like Los Angeles, New York City or Washington, D.C., for job possibilities. Having a car in these cities isn’t totally necessary but would make my life a lot more convenient. My driving skills, however, would not be able to withstand the crazy traffic of the city. I’m scared that I would crash and do a poor job of driving and navigating my way through the city.

I am 20 years old, and I haven’t driven very much because my mom has made it something that I fear and would always make an excuse to drive for me. Also, I attend college at a school where I don’t need a car. Do you think it’s worth the money and the stress of having a car in a big city, or should I see how things go first and wait to buy a car? -- Bad Driver

DEAR BAD DRIVER: The good news is that in New York or D.C. you can get around fairly well without a car. Los Angeles is a different story. If you don’t want to have to drive, looking at large metropolitan areas with excellent public transportation systems is wise.

Beyond that, though, is the reality that you are a new driver. Don’t give up yet. You need to practice in safe areas where you can get comfortable behind the wheel. Work on perfecting your driving skills now. Trust that you can do it. Then, wherever you live, you will have the capacity to drive even if you don’t have to do it that often.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After an unfortunate ending to my last relationship, I swore off dates and anything even remotely serious because I was not treated seriously in the past. I was a bit upset at myself for a while because I would talk to new people and get to a point of being ready to go out with them, but then I'd find a way to cancel before I had to commit to anything. It wasn’t fair to the people involved, and it did not satisfy me in any way to call everything off, but I wasn’t ready yet.

Now I am over what happened in my last relationship, and I am ready to get back into dating, but a lot of people, especially my age, are in it for only one thing. It is hard to make genuine connections now, and I do not want to get hurt again. Do you have any advice about how to stay true to myself and set the right standards when dating again? -- Ready To Date Again

DEAR READY TO DATE AGAIN: Be clear about what you are looking for and what your boundaries are. Just because dates press for one thing doesn’t mean they deserve to get it. What is your list of requirements for building a relationship? Write it down and get to know it. What do you want? You don’t have to tell your dates. Just know.

You can be clear with them about boundaries from the start when you feel that’s necessary. As things unfold, be upfront about expectations. Your transparency will help you weed out uncommitted potential partners and show you who is willing to wait to get to know you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am part of a tight-knit group of friends who got closer during the pandemic. I’m not as close to them as some, but I am part of the group. We have been hanging out a lot this summer, and it has been great.

Then tragedy struck. One member of the group suddenly passed away. He was not old. He didn’t look sick, either. We are all in shock, but since I’m not part of the inner circle, I’m not really part of all of the conversations. I want to be of support without being intrusive. How can I do that? -- Grieving From a Distance

DEAR GRIEVING FROM A DISTANCE: Observe the group to see how they are interacting. Chances are, there are several circles, including one close inner circle and others at varying degrees of intimacy. Ask whoever you know best how you can help. Perhaps you can buy or make food and ask someone else to deliver it. You can send a card right away and wait until things open up before you go visit. Talk to the people who are your closest friends and be open about your desire to help without getting in the way.

Grief, especially after a sudden death, is an open wound that remains tender for a long time. Your moment will come when you can pick up the slack and be there for your friends. Just stay on the periphery for now but remain attentive. If there is going to be a public memorial, offer to help with logistics. Perhaps there are duties you can fulfill that they will pass on to you as needed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 35 years old and a first-time mom to a beautiful baby girl. I had her a few weeks ago and have never been more exhausted. My extended family and friends have helped a bit, but summer is busy, and many of them have been wrapped up in travel and their children’s activities. I appreciate their help and have been grateful for everything they have been able to give, whether a meal or some diapers.

I am, however, disappointed in my husband. I just gave birth via C-section, and my body is not what it used to be. It’s been hard to move around a lot, so I was hoping that my husband would be able to do more of the heavy lifting literally and figuratively for a couple of weeks while I recover. Sadly, this hasn’t been the case. He is off his paternity leave early, and when he comes back to help, he still expects me to make dinner and do most of the care for our daughter. This weekend he told me he was thinking of going on a fishing trip with his friends. It has been beyond frustrating, and I have been contemplating divorce. What should my next steps be? -- New Mom Blues

DEAR NEW MOM BLUES: Ask your husband not to go on the trip. Tell him you need him. Describe how you feel and what you have been experiencing. Outline what you need from him, including cooking. Make a list. Write it down and give it to him. You don’t need a divorce. You need a reset.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Because I’ve garnered a large following on social media, I get a lot of people asking me how to grow their own online following. While I appreciate the support, I have to admit that I don't really know how to help them. My own following just kind of happened by chance, and I don't have the expertise to make it happen for others. I get asked so often about my following that I’m starting to think I’m missing out on a good opportunity by not capitalizing on it. What should I do? -- New Opportunities

DEAR NEW OPPORTUNITIES: Since you continue to be asked, it may be worth it first for you to think carefully about what you have done that has worked and what you can share about your process. While you say your growth has happened by chance, that’s likely not entirely true. Review what you did and when, how you shared your thoughts, feelings, experiences and values, and how people responded. Try to remember when you joined different platforms, and pay attention to how each platform works for you.

Then, if you want to consider giving advice about how to develop a social media presence as a business, do your research to learn what people charge for this service. Using the industry standard as your guide, inform the next person who asks you that you have established a home business to help people set themselves up for success. While there are no guarantees, you can promise to teach what you know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm in my late 20s and have been dating a man in his early 30s for a few months now. Recently, he mustered the courage to open up about his past as a huge bully in high school. While I admire his honesty, part of me wonders if it would have been better for him to keep his past hidden. I myself was bullied relentlessly in high school, so hearing him admit to this really made me nervous. Is it truly possible for someone to change and grow out of such a harmful mindset? -- Ugly Past

DEAR UGLY PAST: I will start by saying that I was bullied in high school by a girl who, many years later, has become a friend who is kind and loving. I have marveled at how shocking that change of attitude was, but her recent behavior has been consistent.

What I will say to you is that you should have a frank conversation with this man. Tell him how upsetting it was for you to learn his truth, even as you are grateful that he confided in you. Tell him about your experience. Share details about what happened to you and how it felt. Also, express your worry that his behavior in the past may manifest in the present or future. Be open and honest. Otherwise, there is no chance of this relationship working. Use the honesty between you to have deep and vulnerable conversations. Perhaps you can heal together. I highly recommend therapy to move things along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)