DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend got upset with me because I am friends with her ex-boyfriend. My brother is close to him and a number of other guys, and I often hang with their group. I recently went on a trip with my brother, and my friend’s ex offered to let us stay with him. We grew close over the trip -- platonically. I am closer to him now than I am to her. They had a healthy relationship and broke up over a year ago, and she has a new boyfriend.

When she reached out to me saying that she was uncomfortable with our bond and with my tagging him in group photos, I found it odd, and I defended myself and our friendship. I would never go behind her back and I was not keeping our friendship a secret, so I was confused about her accusations. Am I wrong for continuing to be close with him when she is upset about this? I don’t understand it, especially since she has been in a new relationship for nine months. -- Friend Vs. Ex

DEAR FRIEND VS. EX: People can be weirdly possessive about their exes, even when they are involved in new relationships. Your friend may be worried that your platonic friendship may turn romantic, and even though she isn’t with him, she doesn’t want her friends to be either. This is not logical thinking, but it is common. Talk to her. Tell her how you have naturally come to be close to him. Tell her you have no intention of hurting her feelings, but he has become your close friend, and you value that friendship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends grew up with really strict parents and now is a bit reckless when she goes out because of some delayed rebellion. She never learned how to conduct herself safely in nightlife while still having fun, and she often blurs the lines as a result. I am worried about her. I do not want her to end up in a bad situation, but I also do not want to seem like a buzzkill. She’s very friendly, but when people are a bit tipsy, they tend to take her kindness for flirtation. Then she asks us why they are acting weird toward her. How should I approach a conversation with her about being more aware at night -- and maybe even less friendly -- without telling her what to do or seeming like the authority that she is trying to rebel against? -- Unsafe Nightlife

DEAR UNSAFE NIGHTLIFE: Sit with your friend and tell her you need to have a heart-to-heart. Explain that you are worried about her when she goes out at night because she sometimes drinks too much and puts herself in what could be considered compromising positions. Suggest that she monitor her alcohol consumption so that she maintains complete control of her faculties. Assure her that you aren’t judging her. You are trying to have her back. If she accuses you of sounding like her parents, apologize, but stand firm. She needs to know how important it is for her to have agency over herself. Even if she gets mad at you temporarily, your candor may help save her life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece is enrolled in her third college in three years, and I am nervous that she is wasting her time and money. She started off at a school in Texas playing soccer. After many issues with her coach and teammates, she decided not to play for them the next school year and ended up leaving the college. She moved back to our home state of Ohio and went to a community college but decided it was too small for her. Now she is at our state school, and it seems as if she will stick it out.

However, she still doesn’t know what she wants to do and may have to stay three more years at this school because her credits haven’t transferred completely. I understand that she’s young and still figuring things out, but six years for a bachelor’s degree is irresponsible, in my opinion. Her parents don’t seem bothered by all the money that her indecisiveness has cost them, but I feel as if I should say something to her, so hopefully she won’t continue to live her life this way. Should I say something or keep quiet? -- Take School Seriously

DEAR TAKE SCHOOL SERIOUSLY: If you think your niece will hear you, it’s worth a try to talk to her. Do your best to speak without judgment, though. It will be hard for her to listen if she thinks you don’t respect her. Instead of criticizing her decisions directly, ask her what she wants to do with her life. What are her interests? What type of work does she want to do long-term? Encourage her to get a part-time job while she is studying. That will help her to develop the discipline of working and may help her to think about her choices.

College works for students when they take it seriously and figure out a plan for their lives. Encourage your niece to talk to her adviser, who can help her map out a strategy for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a dental hygienist, I have been trained to pay close attention to specific signs that may indicate certain dental problems. Unfortunately, I have started to notice some troubling signs in my girlfriend's teeth, and I suspect she’s struggling with an eating disorder. The signs are unmistakable. I don't know how to bring it up to her; I don't want to sound accusatory or pushy, but at the same time, I am worried about her well-being. How do I mention my observation without offending her? -- Trained Hygienist

DEAR TRAINED HYGIENIST: Rather than accusing your girlfriend based on your training, talk to her and get a sense of what’s going on. Have you observed any behaviors that indicate that she has an eating disorder? If so, bring that up. It is true that people with eating disorders can be good at hiding their illness. If that is the case with your girlfriend, you can ask her directly. She will likely recoil and ask why you would make such an accusation. That’s when you can reveal that you see evidence of the disorder in her teeth. Offer to get her help, but know that people accept help only when they are ready for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a brand-new mother. Recently, I've been receiving a lot of comments from friends and family about how much my infant daughter looks like her father. I'm sure these comments are meant to be a harmless observation, but I find them annoying and a bit hurtful. After all, I carried my child for nine months and would have liked her to resemble me a bit more. Am I overreacting? Should I just take the comments and let them go? Or should I confront people about their seemingly thoughtless remarks? Any advice would be appreciated. -- New Mom

DEAR NEW MOM: Take a deep breath and step back a moment. Someone once told me that it is a good thing when an infant looks like their dad because it helps the dad to feel connected to the newborn. There is an undeniable and deep connection between mother and child for the very reason you pointed out. Consider it a blessing that the child looks like her dad.

When people said that to me, I would say, “Well, that’s perfect because she is his child!” Humor can help to stave off the uncomfortable feelings. Remember that nobody can take your bond away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone snatched my phone from my pocket and took off with it a couple of weeks ago. I am far away from my friends, and my only communication with them was over the phone. It’s just my luck that these past two weeks have been filled with drama, with everyone in the loop but me. I finally got a new phone, but I cannot help but feel like I have drifted apart from my friends. They are also about to go on a trip together. I had no issues with it before, but now I feel like I will be missing out. I will not see them for another month, and I don’t want to be annoying or make anyone rehash a possibly uncomfortable moment in catching me up. I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I worry it is just going to get worse. Should I tell them how I am feeling or leave it alone until I see them again? -- Lost Contact

DEAR LOST CONTACT: You feel disconnected today, but if these truly are your friends, your connection will rekindle naturally. You may not get the blow-by-blow of everything that has occurred since you have been away and without a phone, but trust that you will get enough.

Now that you can talk to your friends again, it is OK to let them know how much you miss them and how distant you feel from them. Chances are, they miss you a lot, too. Tell them that you would like to be caught up as best they can, but put it out there that you realize that may be difficult since a lot has happened recently. Perhaps they can video chat with you when they are on their trip. That way you can be “together” from a distance.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)