DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a new relationship after being single for a long time. I’m struggling to navigate the line between privacy and invasion of personal space. Recently, my partner unpacked my suitcase after a trip without my permission. I thanked them, but I was not happy at all. I don’t want anyone going through my things. On another occasion, they took a photo of me while I wasn't fully clothed without my knowledge. While I’m sure this is nothing unusual for many couples, I felt slightly violated. Could my discomfort stem from being single for so long and not being used to sharing my personal space, or is my partner being too invasive? -- Uncomfortable

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Being in an intimate relationship after a long period of being alone can be wonderful and disconcerting at times. To find happiness, you must become an excellent communicator. When you were alone, that wasn’t necessary, as you only had yourself with whom to share your opinions, desires and limitations. Sit down and talk to your partner. Explain that you have noticed some things that on the surface seem sweet, but actually bother you. Give the context that you aren’t sure if your reaction stems from your having been alone for so long or if it is genuinely an invasion of privacy, but you are bringing it up because a few things have made you uncomfortable.

Mention the unpacking of your bag. Suggest that you would have appreciated them asking if it would help you before doing that. As for the partially clothed photo, you can put the kibosh on that. It is not OK to take such pictures without permission, ever. Make that clear. Further, express your happiness at being in this relationship along with your need for privacy and personal boundaries. Then define those boundaries to the best of your ability. Otherwise, your partner will not know what they are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school student facing a situation that I'm not sure how to handle. My mother and I have a custodial bank account, and while she has access to my account, I am not allowed to see hers. The problem is that sometimes she sends money from my account to my siblings without informing me beforehand. She usually pays me back. It's becoming frustrating, and I'm starting to feel like I'm not in control of my own finances. Do I have a right to be upset about this when she is the one who gives me the money in the first place? -- Need My Own Account

DEAR NEED MY OWN ACCOUNT: Do your research. Many banks do not allow minors to open accounts without adult supervision. That changes at age 18. In a few cases, you can open an individual account as young as 13. The reason for this is that parents are supposed to have supervisory privileges to help their children learn how to manage money. What you are experiencing is the opposite. Your mother is moving your money around without your permission or knowledge. That’s tough.

Talk to your mother. Tell her that you are trying to be a smart money manager, and you need her to let you have dominion over the money she has given to you. Ask her not to move that money and instead to support you as you discover how to budget and spend responsibly. Ask her to partner with you so that you can learn. If she ever needs to borrow money from your account, encourage her to talk to you about it first.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel as if people contact me only because they want something and not because they want to check in on me. I am a person who is well-connected and in the know about opportunities that are available. I am going into my senior year of college right now, and everyone around me is trying to develop their careers. People have seen how I was able to secure an internship before I even started my junior year, which led to a full-time offer. This has caused a large influx of people asking me how I did it and if I can help them get connected. I want to help others succeed, but it’s hard when they just want me to do things for them -- they never actually want to speak to me about much beyond career development. How do I create a relationship where people aren’t just using me while still managing to help people out? -- Stop Using Me

DEAR STOP USING ME: Why not flip the script here? Get creative and set up a consulting company. Offer to help people strategize their next moves for finding internships and otherwise setting themselves up for the future -- for a fee. Be clear about what you can offer; namely, you cannot guarantee anything, but you will share ideas and make recommendations. Sometimes just talking to someone can spark an idea in a person, as you have seen. Offer to be that person. That way, you will not be used by others for your knowledge; you will be compensated. This will weed out plenty of people who were freeloaders. It can also create space for you to see who you want to get to know better as a friend and who is genuinely interested in you for you rather than for your connections.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 57-year-old white woman who has been married to my Black husband for 30 years. My parents have always been supportive of my marriage and have welcomed him into the family. However, since the Black Lives Matter protests started in 2020, they have been making negative comments about the movement and the Black community as a whole. It’s been hard to deal with because I have three teenage daughters with my husband, and they have noticed this shift in their grandparents’ behavior and are really upset that they don’t support BLM.

The other day, my dad started making some outlandish comments again, and I finally snapped at him and told him that he had to stop saying these racist remarks around me and my family. He did not react well, which has now led to us not talking. I love my parents, but I won't tolerate this behavior. How should I go about fixing our relationship? -- Need To Heal

DEAR NEED TO HEAL: Request a meeting with your parents where you talk things out. Find out exactly what their gripes are about BLM. Listen closely to learn their concerns and do your best to consider what they have to say, point by point. It is possible for them not to support this movement and still love and support your children, your husband and you. Let your parents know how upset your children are about what their grandparents have said, and plead with them to find a way to rekindle that bond. Ask them to work with you to reconnect your family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was in my late 20s, I decided to move to Japan to teach English. I met a man there, and we got married and had two beautiful daughters. Soon after my second daughter was born, we decided to get a divorce because our relationship wasn’t working anymore. I moved back to the U.S., and I was able to find a job and get back on my feet as a newly single woman with a toddler and an infant.

About a decade has passed, and my ex-husband has not been interested in staying in contact with his daughters. We have tried to set up calls, and he usually doesn’t answer. His mother has done a much better job of keeping in touch and has even visited us a few times. She recently made the offer for us to visit Tokyo and see her and my children’s dad. I am nervous to say yes because my ex-husband hasn’t been the most receptive throughout my children’s life. I don’t know how he is going to treat my kids. Do you think that it is a good idea to take them back to Japan to see their father? -- Reunion

DEAR REUNION: You have to talk to your children’s father directly and find out if he is up for this trip and willing to make a focused effort to see his children and spend time with them. It is nice that his mother is making the effort to get the family together, but it would be awful for you to travel all that way and get your children’s hopes up only to have their dad be MIA. Thank his mother profusely for her suggestion and ask her to help facilitate conversations between you and your ex to sort through the plan. Only when you feel confident that he will do his part to ensure that the visit is a success should you and your children get on that plane.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am busy during the week with work, and I often do not have long enough breaks to get outside throughout my workday. I try to move as much as I can on the weekends, but I feel like it is not enough because I am mainly sitting all day and eating takeout for the other five days. I am beginning to feel out of shape, and that is the last thing I want for the summertime. I am also trying to limit how much money I spend on activities on the weekend, and it is not that safe to walk around in my neighborhood at night. Do you have any recommendations as to how I can find some time to get active? Have you heard of any practices to do throughout the day to stay fit? -- Fitness and Work

DEAR FITNESS AND WORK: Start your day a bit earlier. Get up and go outside. Take a walk or a run. Be disciplined about getting some form of daily exercise. If possible, stand at your desk sometimes so that you are not sitting all day. As hard as it may be at first, try to cook a couple of times a week. That will save you money and ensure that you are eating healthy. Inside your house, you can do short series of stretches, situps and other exercises to keep your blood flowing all day. For ideas on that, go to: healthline.com/health/fitness/office-exercises#exercises-while-standing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)