DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a girls trip with my best friends for a week. Two of my friends are recently single, and we found a trending TikTok audio that played on the fact that the last time we were all together, they were both still in relationships, and we made our own video. No names were mentioned, nor was anything negative said about either of their exes, but the best friend of one of the exes spammed the TikTok with disrespectful comments about us as a group, starting a public dispute online. He later called one of my friends to talk to us about it and how he thought that it was wrong of us to put his best friend’s business on the internet for everyone to see. We did not agree with him that it was wrong, and he did not understand why we took offense to his comments when he could have called before slandering us. We did not take the video down, but the comment thread was deleted. How should we handle this situation so that we do not lose our friendship with him without making it seem like we had ill intentions about the video? -- Online Drama

DEAR ONLINE DRAMA: While it may seem that the internet is this huge place that is anonymous, it actually isn’t. People who know you are typically the first to see your posts. Therefore, you don’t really have to name names for viewers to recognize exactly who you are talking about and take your comments personally. That’s exactly what happened in your case. What you thought was innocent landed as either a personal attack or rubbing the breakups in their faces. You did not intend that reaction, but you now see the impact of the unintentional consequences.

When you have all calmed down, you may want to check in with the friend who reached out. Apologize for hurting anybody’s feelings and explain that that wasn’t the intent. Tell him that you really did think you were just having lighthearted fun, but you now know that your video hurt someone's feelings. Say you hope you can remain friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently read a book that made me really upset. There were multiple instances of domestic abuse, and I had no clue that the book would feature such intense themes when I started reading it. I thought that there would have been a trigger warning of some sort, but there was not. Normally I do not get emotional about books, but this one struck a nerve that I did not know I had. It also made it hurt more when I read at the end that it was based on a true story -- specifically the story of the writer’s parents. How can I compartmentalize what I read in books so I am not completely floored when I read something deeply upsetting? -- Sad Book

DEAR SAD BOOK: First, you should write a review of this book on the site where you bought it or on another book review site and express your concern that there was no indication of the violent content. Suggest that there be warnings included with books to let readers know if something disturbing is included.

Beyond that, consider a book just like a movie or TV show. It is not your life. It is something that you are observing. You can allow yourself to be affected by it momentarily but decide that it will be a fleeting experience. That doesn’t mean that you will forget it, but your attitude can allow you to live in the moment with the book and give you the freedom to move on when you finish that last page.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom keeps having me buy her food, and it is quite frustrating. I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have moved in with my parents for the summer because I am working an internship in the area to develop my career and save for a study abroad trip next spring. Since I’ve been working, my mom thinks that I have all the money in the world to be able to buy us both food. So far, I have spent around $200 on food for her, and summer has only just begun. It’s hard to communicate to her that I don’t appreciate this and need to save money when I am living under her roof and rules. How can I address the situation without causing my mom any distress? I need to find a resolution regarding her expectation that I will pay for our dinners. -- Unfair Fees

DEAR UNFAIR FEES: Sounds like you and your mom didn’t make a plan for how expenses would be allocated this summer. It is time to get clarification instead of harboring resentment.

Before you approach her, consider what the household expenses are. Food, rent or mortgage, utilities, gasoline ... anything else? Which payments does your mother require you to help with? While you may not have expected to pay for anything, it is reasonable for her to ask you to contribute to the family budget if you are living at home and working. Sit down with her. Tell her that you didn’t expect to have to pay for so much food. Point out how much you are earning and ask her if there is a compromise you can reach so that there will be something left for you to put away for next year.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 50-year-old man, and I launched a business that makes peanut brittle back in 2020. I have been focusing a lot of my attention on the business. It’s reached a point where I can barely focus on anything else, and I find myself extremely distracted during my day job and when I’m with my family. My wife and kids have noticed this change in my behavior and aren’t happy about it.

I came to this country to go to college and eventually start my own business. It took me 25 years to do this, and now I feel as though I desperately need to make it work. Everything is riding on the success of my business. How do I manage to take a step back and be present when I’m not working on projects for my business? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: This may be a time when you have to devote most of your free time to your business in order to set it up for success. What you must do is communicate clearly with your family. Apologize to them for being absent when you normally would be present. Explain that you believe that focusing your efforts on your business is the only way to make it successful. Ask for their support and forgiveness during this period. Admit that you don’t know how long it will take, but you do need their understanding.

Then create a schedule that includes some time each week that you can carve out for them. It could be as simple as having a meal with them where you listen and pay attention to what matters to them. Maybe take a drive with them to do chores, or watch a show together on the couch. Focus on them without getting distracted, and they might see that you are making an effort.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine is a filmmaker. He recently hosted a private screening of his upcoming film and strongly encouraged me to bring my children, both of whom are under the age of 13. However, to my surprise, the film turned out to be sexually graphic and highly inappropriate for their age group. I was appalled and disappointed. At one point, I decided to take my kids and leave the screening early. I've been upset with my friend ever since. What should I do? -- Inappropriate

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: Follow up with your friend and admonish him for his recklessness. Ask him why he thought the film would be suitable for your children. Remind him that ratings exist to indicate who should watch a film and to protect those who may be too young to be able to process particular information. Point out the specifics of what you thought was inappropriate for your children -- or any children -- to see. You have every right to be upset. Your friend clearly was not thinking about the impact his film would have on minors.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself constantly comparing myself to my sister, who is adored by everyone due to her social skills and resourcefulness. She effortlessly navigates through life, always seeming to have a touch of finesse, resulting in everything working out for her. Her extensive knowledge of opportunities has been beneficial, as she often shares them with me. However, this has also caused me stress, as I feel the pressure to live up to her legacy due to our shared interests. This belief is reinforced by my parents, who frequently compare me to her.

Currently, she is entering her senior year of college and has secured an internship at a prestigious company, with a full-time job offer already in hand. In the past couple of years, she has been flown out for diversity workshops and conferences across the country, constantly building an impressive resume. Her life appears perfectly organized and filled with excitement. How can I break free from this constant comparison and find happiness in my own path? -- On My Own

DEAR ON MY OWN: What do you want for your life? Spend time alone asking yourself this question. What can you do to help yourself get there? What internships, jobs and classes should you take? What opportunities do you have in your own network that may be viable? Don’t walk away from things your sister suggests, but allow space for your own relationships to blossom and flourish. Ask your parents to stop comparing the two of you. Explain that it is hard for you to breathe when your every move is measured against hers. Remind them that you are your own person.

Do your best not to envy your sister. Instead, do you. Discover your strengths and interests. Stop trying to live up to expectations people have of her. Accept and embrace what makes you unique, and trust that you are good enough as you are. I know this is easier for me to say than for you to do, but it’s the only way you can step out of your sister’s shadow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)