DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom keeps having me buy her food, and it is quite frustrating. I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have moved in with my parents for the summer because I am working an internship in the area to develop my career and save for a study abroad trip next spring. Since I’ve been working, my mom thinks that I have all the money in the world to be able to buy us both food. So far, I have spent around $200 on food for her, and summer has only just begun. It’s hard to communicate to her that I don’t appreciate this and need to save money when I am living under her roof and rules. How can I address the situation without causing my mom any distress? I need to find a resolution regarding her expectation that I will pay for our dinners. -- Unfair Fees

DEAR UNFAIR FEES: Sounds like you and your mom didn’t make a plan for how expenses would be allocated this summer. It is time to get clarification instead of harboring resentment.

Before you approach her, consider what the household expenses are. Food, rent or mortgage, utilities, gasoline ... anything else? Which payments does your mother require you to help with? While you may not have expected to pay for anything, it is reasonable for her to ask you to contribute to the family budget if you are living at home and working. Sit down with her. Tell her that you didn’t expect to have to pay for so much food. Point out how much you are earning and ask her if there is a compromise you can reach so that there will be something left for you to put away for next year.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 50-year-old man, and I launched a business that makes peanut brittle back in 2020. I have been focusing a lot of my attention on the business. It’s reached a point where I can barely focus on anything else, and I find myself extremely distracted during my day job and when I’m with my family. My wife and kids have noticed this change in my behavior and aren’t happy about it.

I came to this country to go to college and eventually start my own business. It took me 25 years to do this, and now I feel as though I desperately need to make it work. Everything is riding on the success of my business. How do I manage to take a step back and be present when I’m not working on projects for my business? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: This may be a time when you have to devote most of your free time to your business in order to set it up for success. What you must do is communicate clearly with your family. Apologize to them for being absent when you normally would be present. Explain that you believe that focusing your efforts on your business is the only way to make it successful. Ask for their support and forgiveness during this period. Admit that you don’t know how long it will take, but you do need their understanding.

Then create a schedule that includes some time each week that you can carve out for them. It could be as simple as having a meal with them where you listen and pay attention to what matters to them. Maybe take a drive with them to do chores, or watch a show together on the couch. Focus on them without getting distracted, and they might see that you are making an effort.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine is a filmmaker. He recently hosted a private screening of his upcoming film and strongly encouraged me to bring my children, both of whom are under the age of 13. However, to my surprise, the film turned out to be sexually graphic and highly inappropriate for their age group. I was appalled and disappointed. At one point, I decided to take my kids and leave the screening early. I've been upset with my friend ever since. What should I do? -- Inappropriate

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: Follow up with your friend and admonish him for his recklessness. Ask him why he thought the film would be suitable for your children. Remind him that ratings exist to indicate who should watch a film and to protect those who may be too young to be able to process particular information. Point out the specifics of what you thought was inappropriate for your children -- or any children -- to see. You have every right to be upset. Your friend clearly was not thinking about the impact his film would have on minors.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself constantly comparing myself to my sister, who is adored by everyone due to her social skills and resourcefulness. She effortlessly navigates through life, always seeming to have a touch of finesse, resulting in everything working out for her. Her extensive knowledge of opportunities has been beneficial, as she often shares them with me. However, this has also caused me stress, as I feel the pressure to live up to her legacy due to our shared interests. This belief is reinforced by my parents, who frequently compare me to her.

Currently, she is entering her senior year of college and has secured an internship at a prestigious company, with a full-time job offer already in hand. In the past couple of years, she has been flown out for diversity workshops and conferences across the country, constantly building an impressive resume. Her life appears perfectly organized and filled with excitement. How can I break free from this constant comparison and find happiness in my own path? -- On My Own

DEAR ON MY OWN: What do you want for your life? Spend time alone asking yourself this question. What can you do to help yourself get there? What internships, jobs and classes should you take? What opportunities do you have in your own network that may be viable? Don’t walk away from things your sister suggests, but allow space for your own relationships to blossom and flourish. Ask your parents to stop comparing the two of you. Explain that it is hard for you to breathe when your every move is measured against hers. Remind them that you are your own person.

Do your best not to envy your sister. Instead, do you. Discover your strengths and interests. Stop trying to live up to expectations people have of her. Accept and embrace what makes you unique, and trust that you are good enough as you are. I know this is easier for me to say than for you to do, but it’s the only way you can step out of your sister’s shadow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has been using Ozempic for weight loss despite not being diabetic. The misuse of the drug has resulted in a national shortage, which has caused serious implications for me as a Type 2 diabetic who needs it to manage my blood sugar levels. It's uncomfortable knowing that my own sister is playing a role in preventing people like me from accessing such vital medication. How do I tell her how hurtful her actions are without upsetting her or causing a fight? -- You Don’t Need It

DEAR YOU DON’T NEED IT: Apparently, the use of this drug to treat obesity is common right now even though it is not officially approved for weight loss. You can call your sister out on her use of Ozempic, though it may not make a difference. The real offender here is her medical provider. How is it that she has this medication in the first place?

Taking a step back, there are a few things for you to consider. Is your sister suffering from obesity? If so, she may be prediabetic, or she may even be diabetic and hasn't told you. If she is working to get healthy, let her be. You cannot control her medication use anyway. Instead of resenting her or fighting with her, invite her to work out with you or otherwise buddy up for fitness. As you talk about your health with each other, you can broach the subject of what meds you two use and the impact that has on others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that a relative I had a bad falling out with years ago now lives in the same small city as me. I moved here first, and I heard that they moved here for work. It’s a huge coincidence. They don't know that I live here. I'm afraid of running into them unexpectedly and not knowing how to handle the situation. What's the proper protocol for running into someone you parted with on bad terms? Should I try to avoid them, or should I be friendly? The last time we spoke, they basically told me that they hope never to speak to me again. -- Coincidence

DEAR COINCIDENCE: What happened to create this friction? What was your part in it? Can you find a reason to apologize for whatever you did wrong? If you can, I recommend being proactive. Reach out to this relative. Say that you learned that they live in your town now, and you would like to mend fences and get together. Acknowledge that your last communication was tense. Ask if they are willing to reconnect and see if the two of you can move forward. You can also state that you know they said they don’t want to be in touch, but you thought this might be a second chance since you will be living in the same area. After that, the ball is in their court.

If you see them out and about, by all means say hello, but don’t take it further unless they seem receptive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)