DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, who is significantly heavier than me, keeps insisting that we're the same size. I don’t think she means to offend me, but she’s a very large person, and she probably has more than 50 pounds on me. I don't mind that she's heavier, but what bothers me is that she keeps trying to wear my clothes and acts surprised when they don't fit her.

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without coming across as insensitive or rude. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad about her body, but at the same time, I don't want her to keep insisting that we're the same size and trying to wear my clothes. What should I do? -- Offended

DEAR OFFENDED: Do not take your friend’s inability to see herself accurately as a personal affront. It is not. This is all about her. Who knows why? Perhaps she used to be smaller and hasn’t come to terms with her new size. Perhaps she doesn’t have a sense of size at all and really does think you two are the same. Whatever her reasons are, they are not about you.

Still, you certainly should recalibrate the situation. Tell her that you appreciate that she likes your style and you are happy to direct her to places that might have the perfect outfit for her, but your clothes don’t work. Point out that you both look great, but your bodies are different, and you don’t wear the same size. Recommend that she go to a shop and get fitted by a professional so that she can know her right size and buy accordingly. Just say no the next time she asks to borrow an outfit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got out of a relationship that ended on a bad note. I found out that my boyfriend of a year had been cheating on me and lying about it. He often would get mad at me over little things and make me feel like a bad girlfriend. He never posted any photos of us on any of his social media accounts, and that made me feel like he was hiding our relationship. It has been a month since we broke up, and he has already posted a new girl -- someone he is now dating. Our friends keep telling me that it is not my fault that he was not good to me, but I cannot help but feel a bit unworthy. What can I do to move on from him? How can I trust someone else in the future? -- Bad Relationship

DEAR BAD RELATIONSHIP: Your friends are right. He wasn’t good to you. Of course that hurts.

First, you must pivot. Stop analyzing what went wrong. Let him go and focus on what you believe you would appreciate in a relationship. What are your values? How do you want to be treated? What makes you happy? Make a list. Literally write those things down so you can remind yourself when you meet someone new.

As you get to know someone, pay attention to see if he matches up with you in key areas. You don’t have to be perfectly suited in everything, but you do deserve to be with someone who will treat you with kindness and respect.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found an expensive ring that my ex-boyfriend loaned me. I was stressed about it for a while because it was not a gift and I could not locate it when we broke up. I went for a walk with my current boyfriend and my best friend and expressed my happiness about finally finding the ring. My boyfriend made a joke about posting a photo of him wearing my ex’s ring, and my best friend and I immediately shut it down. We had not ended on bad terms, so I found it disrespectful to taunt my ex like that, but my boyfriend, who does not particularly get along with my ex, did not see it as an issue.

We all got into an argument about it, and my boyfriend did not understand why I was protecting my ex’s feelings when the two of them had issues. How do I explain to him that I am not trying to side with my ex, I just do not want to cause any unnecessary problems between them or bring up any resentment they once held for each other? -- Boyfriend Vs. Ex

DEAR BOYFRIEND VS. EX: The mistake you made was talking about the ring with your boyfriend at all. Especially since they had some beef with each other, that revelation only reignited your boyfriend’s feelings about him and triggered him to be more territorial about you.

You can attempt to squash this by apologizing to your boyfriend for bringing up the found jewelry in the first place. Let him know you did not mean to trigger any old animosities he may have about your ex. Let him know that you will return the ring, and that will be that. Then you should stop talking about it. I’m sure you meant well by giving your boyfriend a blow-by-blow about the ring and your ex. As you see, sometimes TMI backfires.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not traveling or working this summer, and I cannot help but feel like I am missing something. I constantly feel like I have to hang out with friends or go outside and do something. Otherwise, I am just wasting my summer. I do not want to seem annoying by asking my friends too much, but I also do not have as many responsibilities as them, so my days are empty. I stay home sometimes, but my family relationships are a bit rocky at the moment. I do not know what to do, and I feel like I do not have enough time to commit to anything. I have been trying to think of hobbies, but I often get bored with them after a couple of days. What do you suggest I do to fill my time without spending too much money? -- Bored Over Summer

DEAR BORED OVER SUMMER: Enroll in a summer class that has fixed hours and a short run. It could be in the arts, crafts, sports -- anything. Look on community bulletin boards online to learn what’s available, and go for it. You can also join a book club where you have to read a book and then talk about it with a group. You can even form your own. It may not be too late to get a summer job where you work a few hours a week, earn money and occupy your time efficiently. There are also probably limitless volunteer opportunities in your community. You could help for a short time at a variety of organizations to keep yourself engaged.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My oldest sister is hardly talking to my dad because of an incident that resulted in him breaking her car and costing her thousands of dollars. This happened back in October 2022, and the mistake left my sister without a car for weeks in the city she had just moved to in Rhode Island. She is having a difficult time forgiving my dad. She told him multiple times to pull over because she heard something wrong with her car, but he refused. This was her first car, which she had bought only a few weeks before the incident, and this strain on their relationship has caused our family a lot of stress and drama.

I was wondering if there were some words of wisdom I could offer to my sister and dad in order to help them repair their relationship and restore peace in our family? -- Mend Fences

DEAR MEND FENCES: Did your father ever apologize to your sister about his behavior? Did he help pay for the repairs? If the answer to those questions is no, it’s understandable that your sister would continue to hold a grudge. If you think your father would listen, talk to him first and ask if he would attempt to make amends. Since he was wrong, it would help a lot for him to admit it.

As far as your sister goes, talk to her and suggest that she let go of her anger as it is only making her and everyone else miserable. Recommend that she forgive her father, even if he is being rude, and move on. She can draw a line and no longer allow him to drive her car, though. Perhaps she can reach out, tell him she’s still hurt but that she loves him and wants to move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I babysit for a family occasionally, and their kid is great. It does not normally feel like a chore or take too long, and I can often go out after babysitting is over. The parents often return from events around 10:30 to 11 p.m., so one night I made plans to sleep over at a friend’s place before we all left for a trip the next morning. That night, they did not get back until 3 a.m., and I had to sleep at home. I was exhausted when I got to my friend’s house later in the morning.

I normally do not ask what time the parents will come home because they tend to be consistent, but if I make plans in the future, I want to know when they will return. How do I go about asking them their ETA without sounding rude or like I am rushing them? -- Babysitting Overtime

DEAR BABYSITTING OVERTIME: You have every right to ask about the parents’ expectations for their evening. It’s not rude or pushy to do so. You can also tell them why -- you want to make plans for after their normal return time, but you want to verify that this will work for them. There is no need to be apologetic when you ask, either. It is more than reasonable for you to have a sense of your hours, even when you don’t have plans.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)