DEAR HARRIETTE: A guy that I used to date -- and remained good friends with -- recently told me about his plans to propose to his girlfriend. He was asking for advice. We have remained friends after our breakup, but I never expected him to seek my input on such an intimate matter. To be honest, it hurt my feelings more than I thought it would. I understand that he values my opinion and trusts me, but I cannot help feeling a bit upset. I do not want to let my discomfort be too obvious by pulling back. I value our friendship, and I do not want to cause any tension or awkwardness. Do you have any advice on how I can manage my emotions and continue to be supportive of my friend? -- Uncomfortable

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Tell your friend the truth. You are happy for him and want the best for his life, but you do not feel comfortable helping him figure out his proposal. Admit that while you have no desire to be in a relationship with him anymore, you also cannot be the one who helps him sort out this event. If he pushes back and says how much he respects your opinion, ask him to respect your heart by not involving you in this detail of his life. Assure him that you are not abandoning him. You hope to remain friends with him and his wife, but you have to draw the line on helping him sort out the intimate details of his proposal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to my cousin's graduation party this past weekend and was reminded that my extended family members aren't close with one another at all. I am awkward every time I go to events because I feel as if I am sitting in a room with a bunch of strangers who don’t know me or want to know me. It hurts to see this because I have only one side of the family in the United States, and we all want nothing to do with each other. I see my best friends' extended family more than I do my own. They all seem so close, and it’s something I wish I had had growing up. How can I navigate or create a closer connection with my extended family despite the current distance and lack of closeness? -- Reaching Out

DEAR REACHING OUT: Think about your extended family members individually. Who among them are you drawn to the most? Who stands out as someone who may be amenable to developing a relationship with you now? Select a person and work at cultivating a bond with them. Be honest. Say that you want to get to know your family better, and you hope they feel the same. Suggest that you two get together outside of the traditional family gatherings. Invite them to a social event that you are attending or just for the two of you to hang out. Make the effort and see what happens over time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I took the step of completely purging my social media accounts of people I don't feel particularly close to anymore. Most of these people are not friends of mine, and I don't think it makes sense for us to continue following each other on social media. Unfortunately, some of these people have taken this personally. I feel terrible about hurting their feelings, but at the same time, I don't know if I owe them an explanation. After all, it's my account and my choice who I want to follow. What should I do? Should I try to explain my decision to these people? -- Purging My Socials

DEAR PURGING MY SOCIALS: It is OK for you to draw a line in the sand about who will be part of your social media community. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Indeed, prolonging the “breakup” by explaining why you unfollowed them probably won’t make the blow any less severe. If asked, you can say that you want to have a much smaller footprint on social media, so you have limited your community to your closest friends. These other people must know they aren’t your intimate friends. You can also post something on your social pages acknowledging that you are pulling back and will be engaging less. You can even take a pause and not post at all for a while. When you return, it can be with your smaller group intact.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate my hair! I have had major issues with my hair since high school due to the fact that my hair slowly started changing texture in one section of my head. Over the years, it has gotten more difficult to wear my hair out without the back of my head showing the two drastically different textures.

For background, I am mixed Black and white, and I have textures ranging from 2b loose waves to 3c tight curls. I tried doing passion twists and braids, but the 2b hair slips out of the braids in large chunks. I recently tried crochet twists, and they did last longer, but the cornrows underneath started falling out. When I straighten my hair, it looks nice, but I don’t want to risk heat damage.

I have thought about different haircuts that can help, but the 3c curls shrink up. Since that hair makes up the top layer, evening the cut out to this level wouldn’t look right. I have thought about a pixie cut, but I fear this won’t look right either because it would call even more attention to my different curls. What advice would you offer in order to find ways to feel more confident in my curls? -- Coil Control

DEAR COIL CONTROL: The good news is that there are many hair stylists who understand hair with multiple textures. Plus, there are many hair products on the market that can help you tame your varied curls.

I do recommend that you get help. Find a stylist who specializes in natural hair. This may take some research and even possibly a short trip to a bigger city depending on where you live. Do your research to find the right stylist and salon for you. With professional help, you can learn how to style your hair with and without heat so that you can enjoy and control your curls rather than be frustrated by them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend had a baby with someone who clearly expressed that he did not want to have children. My friend went ahead with the pregnancy anyway, and now her partner is absent in the child's life, leaving her to care for the baby on her own.

To be honest, I am not sure what to do or how to react. I understand that she is going through a tough time, but I can't help feeling frustrated about her decision. She knew that her partner didn't want to have a baby, yet she went ahead and had one anyway. Why should she be surprised when he's not present in their child's life? I feel for her and am here for her, but how can I support her when I think she made the wrong decision? -- Trying To Understand

DEAR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND: You can be a supportive friend even when you don’t align with all of your friend’s choices, and you can say as much to her. In fact, expressing your thoughts about her situation may help her to gain perspective and eventually accept full responsibility for her decision. You do need to pick your moment to have a heart-to-heart with her at a time when you believe she has the brain space to listen.

Help your friend to see that the father of her child is not necessarily being a deadbeat dad by being absent if he made his feelings clear to her and she ignored him. Of course it is ideal for a child to grow up with the support and care from both parents, but that also requires that both parents were and are willing participants in the decision to have a child. I know there are those who will argue that since he helped make the child, he should be responsible. That is a valid point as well.

In this day and age, when the debate about abortion is roaring through our country, one reality comes to the fore: You should think about the consequences of your actions very carefully. One moment of fun can create a life. Will you be responsible for that life if it manifests?

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I go to visit my sister in her summer community, it is awkward. She and all of her friends are coupled up. I am recently single. When I visit her, I’m not looking for a partner. I’m just there to chill, but at some point it feels weird for me to be the only one who is not with someone. I feel like her friends notice it, too. I know that once, years ago, there was a woman friend who came around, and she tried to seduce one of the husbands. That piece of history only makes things worse. I want to spend time with my sister, but I’m not sure how to handle those awkward moments. -- Third Wheel

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: What can you do with yourself when cuddle time comes around? Is there nightlife where your sister summers? Can you physically go out when the couples start to nestle in? Can you go to your room and read, watch movies or otherwise occupy yourself? Can you bring a friend with whom you can spend time? There have got to be solutions that allow everyone to feel comfortable and for you to continue to visit your sister. Don’t give up. Get creative.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)