DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a friend over for dinner who brought along a friend of their own. While I was in the kitchen preparing food, the friend of a friend had free range of the house. After they left, I realized that a valuable item was missing, and I can't shake the feeling that it was this friend of a friend who took it. The problem is I have no concrete proof. I don't want to falsely accuse someone or cause unnecessary drama in my friend group, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've been trying to put it out of my mind, but every time I think about it, I feel violated and uneasy. What should I do? Should I confront the friend of a friend? Should I let it go and chalk it up to bad luck? -- Gut Feeling

DEAR GUT FEELING: I think you should speak to the friend who brought this person into your home. Explain what happened and that you cannot prove anything, but you suspect that their friend stole from you. Point out that someone at the gathering took the item. You know that because it was there before guests arrived and not the next morning. Ask your friend if they can vouch for this person’s honesty. Inquire as to what they recommend you do. For example, ask their opinion about whether you should mention it to the person, or should they? Or do you leave it alone because you have no proof?

Clearly, this is a violation of trust. When you invite people into your home, you never imagine that a guest would steal from you. Acknowledge that this is an awkward conversation, but you feel violated and thought they should know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend from college is in town for a month and asked if he could stay with me. I agreed, and let me tell you, I regret it. He is a mess. I don’t know what he is accustomed to, but he acts like I am his maid. He makes a mess in the bathroom and doesn’t clean up after himself. He cooks food sometimes, but he never washes the dishes. When I cook, he enjoys being served but doesn’t even offer to clear the table let alone do the dishes -- which isn’t that much. It’s mostly putting the dishes in the dishwasher. His room is a mess. You get the picture.

I don’t live like this. I want to be a good host, but he is stretching my limits. Would it be rude of me to call this behavior to his attention? -- Messy Houseguest

DEAR MESSY HOUSEGUEST: You have every right to speak to him about how he is living in your home. Ask him to sit down to talk to you. Tell him that you were happy to accommodate him when he asked if he could stay with you for a while, but you have come to regret your decision. That will get his attention. Tell him how surprised you have been that he does not keep your place tidy or even offer to help out with household tasks. Tell him that if he is to stay any longer in your home, you have things that you will need him to do to pitch in. Make a list so that there is no need for interpretation. Ask him to agree to the list, including the frequency of chores. If he does not comply at once, invite him to leave.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently dealing with a bit of a health scare. This scare came out of nowhere for me, as I've never experienced anything like this before, even though I'm in my 30s. What's more troubling is that my mother just told me that this is something that may run in our family. Apparently, her mother and sister experienced similar health issues before I was born.

I know that my health is my responsibility, but I would have appreciated it if my mother, aunt or grandmother had said something to me about the likelihood of me experiencing the same issue. I feel a little resentful. What if I am not able to recover the way that they did? Am I wrong to feel resentful? -- Shaken Up

DEAR SHAKEN UP: People are often secretive about family history, especially as it relates to health challenges. It’s natural that you are upset that your family members neglected to tell you about this condition, but it is pointless to stay mad at them about it. Instead, interrogate them. Learn as much as you can about how they faced it. What measures, either medical or folkloric, did they use to address this condition?

Beyond this, ask them if there are any other health issues that your family has encountered. Do your best to learn more about your family’s health history by asking questions and listening closely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A family member of mine recently wrote an autobiography, and I’m extremely proud of them. This is their first book, and I know how hard they worked on it. I noticed that there were a few white lies spread throughout the book, and some of them involve me. They didn’t necessarily paint me in a bad light, but they didn’t paint me in a good one either. I'm not sure whether I should say something about the lies. What do you recommend? I know how sensitive creatives can be about their work being critiqued. -- White Lies

DEAR WHITE LIES: You have every right to ask about something that involves you. But you should know that it is unlikely that your family member will change the story.

Go for it. Tell the author that you read the book from cover to cover. Start by saying what you enjoyed about the book and sharing how proud you are. Then add that you noticed there were a few things where they took creative license. Ask why they chose to do that. Get them to talk. Then be specific about your part. Ask why they chose to write something that is untrue about you. Admit that you were taken aback when you read it. See what they say.

While it is unlikely that any type of correction or retraction will occur with this book, you can put the author on notice that if they should write another book, you either do not want to be included or you want your story to be accurate and approved by you before publication. At the very least, this will get your family member to think twice before writing about you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am probably what is called a high-functioning alcoholic. I drink a lot -- both with others and on my own. I do my job well, and I handle my business. Sometimes I am groggy during the day if I drank too much the night before, but mostly I manage just fine.

I was looking at my credit card statement recently and realized that I spent a lot of money last month on booze. That kind of alerted me to my reality. I’m sure my drinking is not good for my health, but I haven’t really been able to stop on my own. Since I don’t seem to be bothering anybody with it, does it even matter? I like to drink. My life is fine. Should I just leave well enough alone? -- Drinker

DEAR DRINKER: You have brought this up because on your own you have recognized that you drink too much. You don’t have to be a problem for other people to notice that your behavior is unhealthy for you. Give yourself credit for being aware of your situation. Chances are, there are issues you aren’t dealing with in your life that drinking helps to mask.

Your next step should be to get help. You can select a therapist who specializes in addictive behavior who can listen to you and help you unpack your situation and figure out a healthy way forward. You may also want to join Alcoholics Anonymous. This organization creates safe spaces for people to gather and talk about their addiction and support each other on their road to recovery.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven’t talked to my siblings in years. The last time we spoke, they were all just grabbing for money. I have a lucrative career, unlike the rest of them. They were insistent that I should supplement their lives because I can afford to do so. Never mind that they seem to have no motivation to improve their lives, except to insist that I do it for them. I got tired of that and cut ties with them. But recently I learned that one of my siblings is unwell. I don’t want to be estranged from them. I would like to be in touch, but I don’t want to have to be the bank for them. How should I handle this? -- Sibling Rivalry

DEAR SIBLING RIVALRY: Reach out to the sibling who is sick to see what’s going on. With no agenda other than learning about their health, be open to a conversation where anything goes. Don’t bring up old hurts. Stay focused on the present. Listen to learn what’s going on with them. You do not have to get involved in the payment side of their care. If you do want to help out financially, decide in advance what you are willing and able to offer. That way, you do not have to get into the weeds of their finances. You can simply offer what you have allocated and leave it at that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)