DEAR HARRIETTE: I tend to miss out on messages that people send me on Facebook because I rarely log in. A few months ago, a former friend sent me a heartfelt message expressing how much she missed our friendship and how sorry she was for our estrangement. Unfortunately, I missed the message. She messaged me again more recently, and this time she sounded hurt and disappointed that I had ignored her first attempt at reaching out. I felt terrible, as it really was a big misunderstanding. I did find the second message a bit pushy, though, and it reminded me of why I chose to end my friendship with this person in the first place. Should I try to explain why I missed her first message, or is it better to just ignore her? -- Misunderstanding

DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING: What do you want? If you would rather not strike up a friendship with this woman again, you can ignore her social media entreaties. Chances are, she will not send you a third message if you do not respond to either of the previously sent notes. If you see her and she brings it up, you can apologize and say you don’t often read direct messages. Don’t lie, though. If she presses you in person or again on social media, respond to her. Tell her you are sorry that you missed her first message. You did not mean to ignore her, but you do not have space in your life to welcome her into your friend group. Be honest. If you don’t want to be friends again, don’t give her any sense that you do. It may hurt her feelings in the short term, but being specific will make it easier for both of you to move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in a relationship with a photographer, and although it has been only a few months, I am finding myself feeling increasingly uncomfortable with some of his work. Specifically, I have noticed that he frequently photographs other women in sexually suggestive poses or outfits. While I understand that this is a part of his profession and creative vision, I can't help but feel a sense of jealousy and insecurity about it.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he brushes it off and insists that it's just art and has nothing to do with our relationship. I don't want to be controlling or possessive, but I also don't want to ignore my own feelings and discomfort. Am I wrong for being uncomfortable with this part of his profession? -- Uneasy

DEAR UNEASY: This is tricky, as it is his art and his profession, but you should not discount your instincts. You have to face reality. Your guy likes to take pictures like this. He enjoys it. It is his thing. You cannot and should not try to get him to change. You either have to accept this about him as you enjoy your relationship with him, or decide that it is more than you can bear. It is on you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a nephew who is getting married, and he is so happy. He came to me recently to ask for wisdom about marriage, and I fumbled and eventually told him I would think about it and get back to him. I have been married for a long time -- more than 20 years -- but if I am honest, I cannot say that it is a happy marriage. Sure, we have good times, but we argue a lot and pretty fiercely. I didn’t want to talk about that stuff, but I really am at a loss for words. I think the main reason we are still together is that we never left each other. We fight, then we keep moving. So far, nothing has been so bad that either of us has walked away. That doesn’t sound romantic at all. What do I say to someone who is about to start a life with his wife? -- The Secret

DEAR THE SECRET: Tell your nephew your truth. Admit that it isn’t always easy to be married because you and your spouse argue a lot. Share that you don’t always agree on things, which can ignite an argument. But, in the end, you two seem to accept each other for who you are. That has been your secret to staying together. You might add anything that you wish for him in his marriage that includes what you wish for yourself -- for example, more listening and less arguing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was hanging out with friends, and they got to complaining about a mutual acquaintance of ours. During the rant, my friend got really mad because she described this woman as a hoarder. She went on and on about how bad her workspace is organized. It sounded terrible, but it also sounded like me. I bet I would be classified as a hoarder if I ever let anybody see my place. My friend, who is usually so nice, was ripping this woman apart about the way she keeps her space. I took a mental note never to invite her to my place. But I also feel like my anger is misplaced. I know I need help, but I have no idea where to start. -- Hoarder

DEAR HOARDER: You have taken the first step by acknowledging that you have a problem and that you need help. Believe it or not, hoarding is considered a mental health condition that needs professional treatment. Yes, it is hard to tackle and likely you need trained support to treat it.

Still, there are some things you can attempt yourself. According to the Mayo Clinic, you can learn to identify and challenge thoughts and beliefs related to getting and saving items; learn to resist the urge to get more items; learn to organize and group things to help you decide which ones to get rid of, including which items can be donated. Additionally, it is important to improve your decision-making and coping skills. One suggestion is to remove clutter in your home during in-home visits by a therapist or professional organizer. Something else you might find helpful is learning to reduce isolation and increase opportunities to join in meaningful social activities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad works in human resources, specifically in diversity, equity and inclusion. His job has been tense recently, and I have noticed that when he comes home, often he is wound up. His way of calming himself seems to be to say all of the stuff he has held in all day long. Therefore, we get to hear him rant about the people he is working with and all of their shortcomings. Too often, he makes disparaging comments about these people that sound downright racist or sexist or whatever the pejorative term is.

I get that he needs to blow off steam, but it is hard for me to look at people with respect sometimes when what I hear in the back of my head is my dad going off about them. I want my dad to have his decompression time, but I also think he should know that it is negatively impacting his family. What should I say? -- Watch Your Words

DEAR WATCH YOUR WORDS: It sounds like your father is dealing with some toxic situations at work, and he believes that home is a safe space to let his guard down. Sadly, there are repercussions to his behavior, and he definitely needs to know.

During a neutral moment when your father is already calm and relaxed, tell him you want to talk to him about something important. With his blessing, share your experience of what happens when he comes home after a tough day. Explain that his intense commentary and blow-by-blow about the encounters he has at work have a direct impact on how you view people like the ones he is criticizing.

Point out that you know your dad works hard to treat everyone with respect, but what you hear consistently is the opposite of that, and it is confusing for you. Ask him to help you to understand how to process what you observe in him as well as how one can actually deal with the issues he faces every day. This can lead to a rich conversation that will benefit you both.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 3-year-old. Recently, we have been doing our nails together with baby nail polish (meaning it is nontoxic). I noticed the other day that she had used the polish to paint on the wall in her bedroom. There were red streaks on the wall that could have come from her nail polish only. I was so upset that she damaged the wall, but I did not lash out at her. I haven’t said anything yet. How should I address this? She has to learn that she should not use the paint in this way. -- Don’t Paint the Walls

DEAR DON’T PAINT THE WALLS: No. 1: You should put the nail polish away out of your daughter’s reach when you are finished using it. No. 2: Teach her that the polish is for nails only. Take her to the wall and ask her if she painted it. Be neutral when you speak so she isn’t afraid to tell the truth. Hopefully she will admit it. Either way, explain that nail polish is not for walls. It is for fingers only. It is fun to use when you use it properly. Otherwise, it is a bad idea to use it at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)