DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad works in human resources, specifically in diversity, equity and inclusion. His job has been tense recently, and I have noticed that when he comes home, often he is wound up. His way of calming himself seems to be to say all of the stuff he has held in all day long. Therefore, we get to hear him rant about the people he is working with and all of their shortcomings. Too often, he makes disparaging comments about these people that sound downright racist or sexist or whatever the pejorative term is.

I get that he needs to blow off steam, but it is hard for me to look at people with respect sometimes when what I hear in the back of my head is my dad going off about them. I want my dad to have his decompression time, but I also think he should know that it is negatively impacting his family. What should I say? -- Watch Your Words

DEAR WATCH YOUR WORDS: It sounds like your father is dealing with some toxic situations at work, and he believes that home is a safe space to let his guard down. Sadly, there are repercussions to his behavior, and he definitely needs to know.

During a neutral moment when your father is already calm and relaxed, tell him you want to talk to him about something important. With his blessing, share your experience of what happens when he comes home after a tough day. Explain that his intense commentary and blow-by-blow about the encounters he has at work have a direct impact on how you view people like the ones he is criticizing.

Point out that you know your dad works hard to treat everyone with respect, but what you hear consistently is the opposite of that, and it is confusing for you. Ask him to help you to understand how to process what you observe in him as well as how one can actually deal with the issues he faces every day. This can lead to a rich conversation that will benefit you both.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 3-year-old. Recently, we have been doing our nails together with baby nail polish (meaning it is nontoxic). I noticed the other day that she had used the polish to paint on the wall in her bedroom. There were red streaks on the wall that could have come from her nail polish only. I was so upset that she damaged the wall, but I did not lash out at her. I haven’t said anything yet. How should I address this? She has to learn that she should not use the paint in this way. -- Don’t Paint the Walls

DEAR DON’T PAINT THE WALLS: No. 1: You should put the nail polish away out of your daughter’s reach when you are finished using it. No. 2: Teach her that the polish is for nails only. Take her to the wall and ask her if she painted it. Be neutral when you speak so she isn’t afraid to tell the truth. Hopefully she will admit it. Either way, explain that nail polish is not for walls. It is for fingers only. It is fun to use when you use it properly. Otherwise, it is a bad idea to use it at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I used to go to school with contacted me the other day and asked if I could help her secure a job at the company I work for. While normally I would be more than happy to help a former classmate, this woman was not particularly nice to me during our time in school. I can't help but feel hesitant about using my professional connections to assist someone who did not treat me kindly in the past. However, I also heard through the grapevine that this woman is currently going through a divorce. I don't know any of the details surrounding her situation, but I do know how difficult it can be to navigate the job market during tough times. I feel a pang of empathy for someone who might be struggling. What would you recommend I do in this situation? -- Former Classmate

DEAR FORMER CLASSMATE: It is fine to have empathy, but don’t forget the past. Find out if you can meet up with this woman to talk to her, either in person or on a video chat. It would be great to see her face when you talk. Ask her about her life. See what she chooses to divulge. Find out her qualifications. If you are to connect her with your employer, you want to make sure that she is a viable candidate. Your reputation will be on the line when you make that connection.

But before connecting her, bring up the elephant in the room. Remind her that when you knew each other in school, she was unkind to you. Tell her you are surprised that she would reach out, but since she has, you think this past behavior needs to be addressed before you move forward. Make her accountable for her actions. How she responds to all of it should determine whether you open the door for her potential entry into your company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine owns a beauty brand and has yet to develop makeup colors that would suit people with darker skin tones. My friend wants me to support and promote her brand, but as a woman of color, her brand does not cater to my needs. I cannot fully partake in what her beauty brand offers. I feel torn because on one hand, I want to support my friend's business, but on the other hand, I cannot use her makeup, which simply does not suit my skin tone. Furthermore, I am hesitant to recommend the brand to my friends and colleagues due to the lack of shade options. What advice can you offer me on how to communicate this with my friend? How can I politely explain my perspective without damaging our relationship? -- Be Inclusive

BE INCLUSIVE: The best gift you have to offer her is your candor. Tell your friend that you are proud of her for starting this makeup brand but that you see a glaring omission -- a lack of diversity of shades. Point out that we live in an era of inclusivity, which makes it especially noticeable that her line is not representative of darker skin tones, including your own. Tell her what you told me: You would love to support her, but you cannot wear her makeup because she didn’t make a shade for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that my boyfriend has been googling breakup-related questions such as, "how do you know when it is time to break up?" and "how do you know if you are happy in your relationship?" He doesn't know that I saw his search history.

I am absolutely dumbfounded and confused by this discovery. We've been in a loving relationship for quite some time now, and I've never had any inkling that there were any problems. I am hurt that he didn't communicate his doubts with me, especially when I thought we were completely fine and happy. What should I do? Do I confront him and risk ruining our relationship, or do I keep my suspicions to myself and pretend nothing ever happened? -- Worried Girlfriend

DEAR WORRIED GIRLFRIEND: I would put everything on the table. Tell your boyfriend you want to talk to him. Admit that you stumbled upon his breakup search. While you were not meaning to snoop, you saw it and wanted to address it rather than pretend like you didn’t see it. Ask him if he wants to break up with you, and if so, why. Give him space to talk. He will likely be caught off guard, so it could take a bit for him to open up. Encourage him to tell you the truth, even if he thinks it will hurt your feelings. If he needs coaxing, ask him if you have done anything that bothers him, if he is unhappy with anything in particular in your relationship or if he has met someone else. Find out if he wants to make it work, or if he really is ready to walk. Take your cues for what’s next from how he responds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A little over a month ago, I decided to step away from social media. I deactivated all of my accounts. When I was using social media regularly, I had plenty of friends and followers who would interact with me often. Now that I'm off social media, it seems like all of those people have gone silent. I don't understand why none of these people are reaching out to me anymore, especially since they all have my number. It feels as though I no longer exist to them. I'm feeling really discouraged and lonely right now, and I'm not sure what steps to take next. Should I reach out to these individuals myself, or should I simply move on and focus on making new connections? -- Unplugging

DEAR UNPLUGGING: Now is the time to figure out who you want in your life and whether they want you back. Make a list of the people you care about the most. Then be conscious of making time for them. You should reach out to that short list of folks. See how they respond to you. It will not feel as immediate as social media, which you were able to engage at your leisure. Just watch your interactions. Those who make time for you as you make time for them are the keepers for now. That doesn’t mean that others won’t come around in due time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)