DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend wants to get a Brazilian butt lift, better known as a BBL. It seems like everybody is doing it these days. I did some research and saw that it’s basically a form of liposuction. A lot of people get it, but it worries me. First of all, there’s nothing wrong with her body. More than that, it is actual surgery. My friend has a number of health issues. I just think it’s irresponsible for her to do elective surgery when there could be complications. She’s considering going out of the country to do it, too, so that it can be more affordable. How can I discourage her from a surgery that seems to be frivolous and dangerous? -- No BBL

DEAR NO BBL: You have a right to your opinion, and so does your friend. If she wants this surgery, it is her choice to get it -- or not. However, your concern about her health is legitimate, not just your personal opinion about whether the surgery is a wise aesthetic choice. Do encourage your friend to go to her doctor and get evaluated based on her health conditions to see if she is eligible for the surgery. She can be checked out stateside before she goes to another country for the procedure. Further, she should be sure that wherever she wants to do the surgery has a solid reputation. There are excellent facilities in other countries, but she would need to research them.

After that, leave her alone. Don’t guilt her about her choices. You can state your opinion once, but leave it at that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried that a freelance client I’m working with is going to go out of business. The writing is on the wall, so to speak. Indicators of success that this client has shared have NOT been met -- no matter what we do to improve. They describe it as running into headwinds. I don’t want to abandon them, but I am also worried about my future. I need this job in order to pay my bills. It is a lot of work, too, so it’s nearly impossible to look for something else while I’m doing it. I’m at my wit’s end. Do I carve out time to find a new job? Do I pray it will all work out? -- On the Edge

DEAR ON THE EDGE: You are in a precarious situation. Your loyalty is notable, as is the reality that you have to take care of yourself. If at all possible, save as much money as you can. The writing on the wall should be telling you that you may need to dip into your reserves soon. Definitely carve out time to look for something else. At the very least, put your feelers out there. Freshen your resume and get a sense of what options exist. That is not being disloyal. That is self-preservation. Take as many job interviews as you can. This will help you to hone your presentation skills and get a sense of your value in the market. If a solid opportunity presents itself, take it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a nephew who is dead set on joining the military. He has been talking about it for a few years, and it’s almost time to enlist. He believes that it is as easy as 1–2-3: He will apply, get in and go to basic training. I hope that’s true, but that is not what I have heard from people I know who are in the military. They tell me that the admission process is rigorous and that for various reasons, many people don’t get in. How can I help my nephew increase his chances of getting in and also be realistic? -- Join the Military

DEAR JOIN THE MILITARY: Encourage your nephew to do his research so he can figure out his path forward. There are five branches of the military and several ways in -- from becoming an enlisted soldier to going to a military academy. Everyone has to take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) test, prove citizenship, have at least a GED and pass a physical. For an academy, enrollment is a rigorous process. Pay ranges broadly depending upon how one joins the military and the rank the person achieves. To learn more, go to: todaysmilitary.com/joining-eligibility/enlisting-military.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned that a friend of mine started a business that is eerily similar to my own. We haven’t spoken in over a year, but I thought that was mainly due to COVID-19 and just being busy with life. Now I see that she is launching a business that is a direct competitor to mine, and I am upset. I don’t know that there’s anything legal that I can do about it, but I feel betrayed. She and I spent hours at a time for years talking about my business, as I thought she was my friend. Now I see many of my ideas in action through her promotional materials. I want to address this with her, but I am not even sure what to say. What do you recommend? -- Violation of Trust

DEAR VIOLATION OF TRUST: Consult an attorney first. Find out if you have any intellectual property rights and if there is any way that you can officially stop her from pursuing this business. If you do have a legal leg to stand on, you can then approach her with a real possibility of shutting her down.

Otherwise, you can reach out to her as a friend. It would be best if you can speak to her in person. Tell her that you just learned about her company, and you see your ideas imprinted all over it. Ask her why she thought that was a good idea. Directly ask how she could take ideas that you shared with her in confidence for so many years and turn them into a business of her own. Tell her you feel violated and hurt. Sadly, unless you have legal footing, there is not much you can do.

Consider launching a publicity campaign to promote your company and its services. Don’t let her steamroll you in your community press. Figure out how to draw attention to your business before she takes all the oxygen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, which should have been a moment of pure joy and excitement. Unfortunately, my husband's mother had other plans. Despite my wishes, my mother-in-law insisted on being in the delivery room during the birth of our child. This was not a decision that my husband and I had discussed beforehand, and I was caught completely off guard. I did not want her there.

To make matters worse, my husband did not stick up for me when I expressed my discomfort and asked for his mother to leave the room. He simply brushed off my concerns and said that his mother was excited to be a part of the experience. I was left feeling unsupported and violated during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. How do I move forward with my husband and mother-in-law? We haven’t discussed the situation since, and it’s been almost a month. -- New Mom

DEAR NEW MOM: You must talk to your husband about this and let him know how violated you felt during this vulnerable time. Further, you need to establish with him boundaries around how others, including his mother, can enter your space. Yes, that may seem extreme, but it is true. It is challenging and amazing to be a new mom and to learn so many things about caring for your baby. You need the people closest to you to be in alignment with your needs and desires.

Ideally, you should speak to your mother-in-law, too. You can say to her that you understand how excited she was about your baby’s birth, but that it upset you when she didn’t honor your wishes. Moving forward, you need her to respect you. Ask for her to support you in that way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly neighbor puts out his trash on time each week, but it is never organized well. The bags typically are not properly tied. The outdoor cans aren’t secured, which means raccoons and other creatures often knock them over. Then there’s a big mess to clean up that he attempts to handle -- but never successfully. Later, when he’s not looking, I come behind him and clean up and hose the sidewalk. He is a proud man, but he is also an aging man. I want to help him with this necessary chore. How can I do so without hurting his pride? -- Empty the Trash

DEAR EMPTY THE TRASH: You can go to him directly and offer to handle his trash for him weekly. Tell him you have noticed that sometimes the cans aren’t secure. Ask him if you can help make sure everything is set and safe for your cans -- and his. Go a little further and ask if he would let you handle that chore for him. You are already doing your own; you would be happy to help a neighbor out by coming over and sorting his out for him. That’s what neighbors are for!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)