DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a nephew who is dead set on joining the military. He has been talking about it for a few years, and it’s almost time to enlist. He believes that it is as easy as 1–2-3: He will apply, get in and go to basic training. I hope that’s true, but that is not what I have heard from people I know who are in the military. They tell me that the admission process is rigorous and that for various reasons, many people don’t get in. How can I help my nephew increase his chances of getting in and also be realistic? -- Join the Military

DEAR JOIN THE MILITARY: Encourage your nephew to do his research so he can figure out his path forward. There are five branches of the military and several ways in -- from becoming an enlisted soldier to going to a military academy. Everyone has to take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB) test, prove citizenship, have at least a GED and pass a physical. For an academy, enrollment is a rigorous process. Pay ranges broadly depending upon how one joins the military and the rank the person achieves. To learn more, go to: todaysmilitary.com/joining-eligibility/enlisting-military.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned that a friend of mine started a business that is eerily similar to my own. We haven’t spoken in over a year, but I thought that was mainly due to COVID-19 and just being busy with life. Now I see that she is launching a business that is a direct competitor to mine, and I am upset. I don’t know that there’s anything legal that I can do about it, but I feel betrayed. She and I spent hours at a time for years talking about my business, as I thought she was my friend. Now I see many of my ideas in action through her promotional materials. I want to address this with her, but I am not even sure what to say. What do you recommend? -- Violation of Trust

DEAR VIOLATION OF TRUST: Consult an attorney first. Find out if you have any intellectual property rights and if there is any way that you can officially stop her from pursuing this business. If you do have a legal leg to stand on, you can then approach her with a real possibility of shutting her down.

Otherwise, you can reach out to her as a friend. It would be best if you can speak to her in person. Tell her that you just learned about her company, and you see your ideas imprinted all over it. Ask her why she thought that was a good idea. Directly ask how she could take ideas that you shared with her in confidence for so many years and turn them into a business of her own. Tell her you feel violated and hurt. Sadly, unless you have legal footing, there is not much you can do.

Consider launching a publicity campaign to promote your company and its services. Don’t let her steamroll you in your community press. Figure out how to draw attention to your business before she takes all the oxygen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, which should have been a moment of pure joy and excitement. Unfortunately, my husband's mother had other plans. Despite my wishes, my mother-in-law insisted on being in the delivery room during the birth of our child. This was not a decision that my husband and I had discussed beforehand, and I was caught completely off guard. I did not want her there.

To make matters worse, my husband did not stick up for me when I expressed my discomfort and asked for his mother to leave the room. He simply brushed off my concerns and said that his mother was excited to be a part of the experience. I was left feeling unsupported and violated during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. How do I move forward with my husband and mother-in-law? We haven’t discussed the situation since, and it’s been almost a month. -- New Mom

DEAR NEW MOM: You must talk to your husband about this and let him know how violated you felt during this vulnerable time. Further, you need to establish with him boundaries around how others, including his mother, can enter your space. Yes, that may seem extreme, but it is true. It is challenging and amazing to be a new mom and to learn so many things about caring for your baby. You need the people closest to you to be in alignment with your needs and desires.

Ideally, you should speak to your mother-in-law, too. You can say to her that you understand how excited she was about your baby’s birth, but that it upset you when she didn’t honor your wishes. Moving forward, you need her to respect you. Ask for her to support you in that way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My elderly neighbor puts out his trash on time each week, but it is never organized well. The bags typically are not properly tied. The outdoor cans aren’t secured, which means raccoons and other creatures often knock them over. Then there’s a big mess to clean up that he attempts to handle -- but never successfully. Later, when he’s not looking, I come behind him and clean up and hose the sidewalk. He is a proud man, but he is also an aging man. I want to help him with this necessary chore. How can I do so without hurting his pride? -- Empty the Trash

DEAR EMPTY THE TRASH: You can go to him directly and offer to handle his trash for him weekly. Tell him you have noticed that sometimes the cans aren’t secure. Ask him if you can help make sure everything is set and safe for your cans -- and his. Go a little further and ask if he would let you handle that chore for him. You are already doing your own; you would be happy to help a neighbor out by coming over and sorting his out for him. That’s what neighbors are for!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a business idea with a few friends for a year now. The core group of us have had individual responsibilities to get the idea to the next level. One person in our group is not carrying her weight, though. She has promised to deliver proposals and descriptions of the scope of work for her area and so far has come up with nothing. There’s always an excuse of some kind. I’m fed up, and the rest of the team is feeling demoralized. We are ready to take things to the next level, but her part of the presentation is empty -- literally. I have talked to her about it repeatedly, but still no movement. To be fair, I know she is busy, but we all are. My fear is that after everything is up and running, she will jump back in and want to take credit for something she didn’t do. I know she’s my friend, but I think it’s time to cut her loose. How can I do that and preserve the friendship? -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: It is time for a professional meeting of the minds. Sit down with her and ask her what’s going on. Pointedly inquire as to where her deliverables are -- those that you have been waiting for all year. Note the work others have been doing and how she is not doing her part. Tell her that if she cannot deliver by a particular date, you will have to sever ties for this project. It’s not personal; it’s business. Yes, she may be angry or hurt at first, but you have to move on. In time, she may come to understand that it is her behavior that got her to this point.

Do note that it can be difficult and messy to work with friends, so establish clear boundaries and expectations upfront whenever you do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who is sloppy. Now that we work in the office three days a week, it can be nasty to come back after five days and see debris from lunch, dirty tissues and other stuff on and around her desk. I worry that she will attract vermin and bugs. Plus, it’s just not professional. When I have meetings at the office or even if another team member stops by to ask a question, they have to pass by her desk, and it is embarrassing. How can I get her to clean up after herself? -- Messy Co-Worker

DEAR MESSY CO-WORKER: Start documenting her mess. Take photos that show how she is leaving her area. Talk to her and ask her to clean up daily for the good of the office. Show her the photos so she can see what it looks like to others. If she doesn’t budge, go to her supervisor, show them the photos and ask for help. Sometimes people don’t see what is obvious to others. A nudge may help her step up and do her part.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)