DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a business idea with a few friends for a year now. The core group of us have had individual responsibilities to get the idea to the next level. One person in our group is not carrying her weight, though. She has promised to deliver proposals and descriptions of the scope of work for her area and so far has come up with nothing. There’s always an excuse of some kind. I’m fed up, and the rest of the team is feeling demoralized. We are ready to take things to the next level, but her part of the presentation is empty -- literally. I have talked to her about it repeatedly, but still no movement. To be fair, I know she is busy, but we all are. My fear is that after everything is up and running, she will jump back in and want to take credit for something she didn’t do. I know she’s my friend, but I think it’s time to cut her loose. How can I do that and preserve the friendship? -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: It is time for a professional meeting of the minds. Sit down with her and ask her what’s going on. Pointedly inquire as to where her deliverables are -- those that you have been waiting for all year. Note the work others have been doing and how she is not doing her part. Tell her that if she cannot deliver by a particular date, you will have to sever ties for this project. It’s not personal; it’s business. Yes, she may be angry or hurt at first, but you have to move on. In time, she may come to understand that it is her behavior that got her to this point.

Do note that it can be difficult and messy to work with friends, so establish clear boundaries and expectations upfront whenever you do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who is sloppy. Now that we work in the office three days a week, it can be nasty to come back after five days and see debris from lunch, dirty tissues and other stuff on and around her desk. I worry that she will attract vermin and bugs. Plus, it’s just not professional. When I have meetings at the office or even if another team member stops by to ask a question, they have to pass by her desk, and it is embarrassing. How can I get her to clean up after herself? -- Messy Co-Worker

DEAR MESSY CO-WORKER: Start documenting her mess. Take photos that show how she is leaving her area. Talk to her and ask her to clean up daily for the good of the office. Show her the photos so she can see what it looks like to others. If she doesn’t budge, go to her supervisor, show them the photos and ask for help. Sometimes people don’t see what is obvious to others. A nudge may help her step up and do her part.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently dyed my hair a fun color, and one of my girlfriends criticized me for trying to look younger than I am. I am a 50-year-old woman, and I work in the arts. She works in a corporate job, wears a conservative hairstyle and has let her hair go gray. I have the freedom to do what I want and look how I want, so I decided to have some fun with my hair. I didn’t appreciate her criticism. I don’t want to come off as overly sensitive, but I do want her to know that I feel perfectly comfortable and happy with my playful hair. I don’t judge her for how she wears hers. Should I say something or keep it to myself? -- To Each Her Own

DEAR TO EACH HER OWN: Don’t go out of your way to admonish your friend. Enjoy your new look. If she ever mentions it again, you can tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit when she is critical of your hair color. You can remind her that you work in a field that allows you freedom of expression, and you chose to exercise that freedom. She has the right to her opinion, and you have the right to do what you want. Point out that you have never made disparaging comments about her hair, and you would appreciate her extending you the same courtesy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going to the wedding of the daughter of a woman I grew up with. I haven’t seen them for years because I moved away when I went to college. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling like this is almost like a class reunion when people stand around and look each other up and down and judge them on how the years have treated them. Am I being harsh? Yes. But I have gained at least 50 pounds since I saw them last. I know how to dress myself and all, but I know they will be shocked when they see me. Heck, I’m shocked when I look in the mirror! How can I prepare myself for what they will do or say? I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about facing people. I’m thinking I should just send a gift and skip the wedding. -- Uncomfortable in My Skin

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN: Guess what? Just like at a class reunion, you will most assuredly not be the only one who has gained weight since the last time you got together. By all means, go to the wedding. Dress your best and check your attitude. You are attending the most joyous occasion for your friend’s daughter. Focus on that. All eyes will be on the bride. When someone’s gaze lands on you, smile and talk to them. Don’t say anything about your body. Ask them about their lives. Tell them about yours. Enjoy yourself. You can compliment people on things you like about their presentation or their stories. If someone skittishly talks about how they look now, admit that you were a little uncomfortable, too, but you are so glad you showed up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at a loss on how to express my concerns to my cousin. She has gone through some serious emotional trauma at the hands of her parents, and I have witnessed firsthand how she hasn’t fully healed or even addressed those issues seriously. My cousin has been talking about having children, but the thought of her potentially projecting her unresolved issues onto children terrifies me. To make matters worse, she is not even in a committed relationship with the man she wants to have children with. I think she needs to get serious therapy before even entertaining the idea of having kids. I want to express my concern without coming off as intrusive or insensitive, and I'm not sure how to go about it. What do you recommend I do? -- Concerned Cousin

DEAR CONCERNED COUSIN: This is delicate territory, so tread lightly. Ask your cousin for permission to speak freely about something that is on your mind. With her blessing, tell her how beautiful it is that she wants to have children and remind her of what a huge responsibility it is. Suggest that as she prepares herself for the possibility, she may want to consider going to therapy to address some of the trauma that she experienced as a child so that she can learn tools to work through her challenges as well as strategies for how to be a healthy parent.

If you have ever had therapy, tell her how it helped you. Or you may know of a friend who benefited. You cannot make her do it, but you can encourage her to prepare as best she can for her future child.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have found myself in an uncomfortable situation with a friend of mine. We both have children, but my friend seems to be too lenient when it comes to parenting. Lately, she has been giving me unsolicited advice about my own child -- with whom I have a great relationship. I appreciate her concern, but her constant input makes me feel undermined as a parent. I understand that she may have good intentions, but it's important for her to recognize that every parent-child relationship is different. How can I approach this situation without jeopardizing our friendship? -- Back Off

DEAR BACK OFF: Tell your friend you need to talk to her about something serious. If you can be face to face, that is best. Point out that you have noticed that the two of you obviously love your children very much, but your parenting styles are very different. You have chosen to keep your thoughts to yourself about how she parents her child. For whatever reason, she has not been able to extend the same courtesy. Ask her to stop giving you advice on how to care for your child. Tell her you don’t like it, and you don’t appreciate it. If you want her opinion, you will ask her. Otherwise, ask her to refrain from making comments.

Chances are, she will be surprised and want to know what you are talking about. Be prepared to give her a couple of examples of unsolicited advice that she has given you and how it made you feel. You may also share an example or two of things she does that you would do differently. Be careful not to pass judgment as you clearly articulate your thoughts. Being honest and compassionate should yield the best results. Her feelings may be hurt at first, but if your friendship is strong enough, it should survive this hiccup.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)