DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently dyed my hair a fun color, and one of my girlfriends criticized me for trying to look younger than I am. I am a 50-year-old woman, and I work in the arts. She works in a corporate job, wears a conservative hairstyle and has let her hair go gray. I have the freedom to do what I want and look how I want, so I decided to have some fun with my hair. I didn’t appreciate her criticism. I don’t want to come off as overly sensitive, but I do want her to know that I feel perfectly comfortable and happy with my playful hair. I don’t judge her for how she wears hers. Should I say something or keep it to myself? -- To Each Her Own

DEAR TO EACH HER OWN: Don’t go out of your way to admonish your friend. Enjoy your new look. If she ever mentions it again, you can tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit when she is critical of your hair color. You can remind her that you work in a field that allows you freedom of expression, and you chose to exercise that freedom. She has the right to her opinion, and you have the right to do what you want. Point out that you have never made disparaging comments about her hair, and you would appreciate her extending you the same courtesy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going to the wedding of the daughter of a woman I grew up with. I haven’t seen them for years because I moved away when I went to college. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling like this is almost like a class reunion when people stand around and look each other up and down and judge them on how the years have treated them. Am I being harsh? Yes. But I have gained at least 50 pounds since I saw them last. I know how to dress myself and all, but I know they will be shocked when they see me. Heck, I’m shocked when I look in the mirror! How can I prepare myself for what they will do or say? I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about facing people. I’m thinking I should just send a gift and skip the wedding. -- Uncomfortable in My Skin

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN: Guess what? Just like at a class reunion, you will most assuredly not be the only one who has gained weight since the last time you got together. By all means, go to the wedding. Dress your best and check your attitude. You are attending the most joyous occasion for your friend’s daughter. Focus on that. All eyes will be on the bride. When someone’s gaze lands on you, smile and talk to them. Don’t say anything about your body. Ask them about their lives. Tell them about yours. Enjoy yourself. You can compliment people on things you like about their presentation or their stories. If someone skittishly talks about how they look now, admit that you were a little uncomfortable, too, but you are so glad you showed up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at a loss on how to express my concerns to my cousin. She has gone through some serious emotional trauma at the hands of her parents, and I have witnessed firsthand how she hasn’t fully healed or even addressed those issues seriously. My cousin has been talking about having children, but the thought of her potentially projecting her unresolved issues onto children terrifies me. To make matters worse, she is not even in a committed relationship with the man she wants to have children with. I think she needs to get serious therapy before even entertaining the idea of having kids. I want to express my concern without coming off as intrusive or insensitive, and I'm not sure how to go about it. What do you recommend I do? -- Concerned Cousin

DEAR CONCERNED COUSIN: This is delicate territory, so tread lightly. Ask your cousin for permission to speak freely about something that is on your mind. With her blessing, tell her how beautiful it is that she wants to have children and remind her of what a huge responsibility it is. Suggest that as she prepares herself for the possibility, she may want to consider going to therapy to address some of the trauma that she experienced as a child so that she can learn tools to work through her challenges as well as strategies for how to be a healthy parent.

If you have ever had therapy, tell her how it helped you. Or you may know of a friend who benefited. You cannot make her do it, but you can encourage her to prepare as best she can for her future child.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have found myself in an uncomfortable situation with a friend of mine. We both have children, but my friend seems to be too lenient when it comes to parenting. Lately, she has been giving me unsolicited advice about my own child -- with whom I have a great relationship. I appreciate her concern, but her constant input makes me feel undermined as a parent. I understand that she may have good intentions, but it's important for her to recognize that every parent-child relationship is different. How can I approach this situation without jeopardizing our friendship? -- Back Off

DEAR BACK OFF: Tell your friend you need to talk to her about something serious. If you can be face to face, that is best. Point out that you have noticed that the two of you obviously love your children very much, but your parenting styles are very different. You have chosen to keep your thoughts to yourself about how she parents her child. For whatever reason, she has not been able to extend the same courtesy. Ask her to stop giving you advice on how to care for your child. Tell her you don’t like it, and you don’t appreciate it. If you want her opinion, you will ask her. Otherwise, ask her to refrain from making comments.

Chances are, she will be surprised and want to know what you are talking about. Be prepared to give her a couple of examples of unsolicited advice that she has given you and how it made you feel. You may also share an example or two of things she does that you would do differently. Be careful not to pass judgment as you clearly articulate your thoughts. Being honest and compassionate should yield the best results. Her feelings may be hurt at first, but if your friendship is strong enough, it should survive this hiccup.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I went out with a friend for dinner. As I was about to pay, I realized that I had left my wallet at home. Not to worry, I thought. I had my phone, and I knew that the venue accepted Apple Pay. So I attempted to use it, only to find out that it wasn't working. It was embarrassing, to say the least. To add insult to injury, my friend didn't offer to pay for me. I found this to be a bit odd because I had recently hosted her at my house for the weekend. I had cooked her meals, offered her my guest room and driven her around town. It didn't seem fair that she couldn't even offer to cover my meal. I must admit that my feelings are a bit hurt. So, what should I do? Do I confront my friend about this? Do I let it go and move on? I ended up having to promise to call in my credit card number as soon as I got home. It was awkward, to say the least. -- Hurt and Confused

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: I’m wondering why you didn’t directly ask her to cover you, at least until you got home? You are spending a lot of time stewing over what she didn’t do to support you in the moment and getting mad because of all you did for her in the recent past, but you could have been much more proactive.

I’ve learned never to count somebody else’s money. Your friend may not have had the funds to cover you. That could be why she didn’t offer. She could have been oblivious, which is hard to believe, but that can happen. Rather than being mad at her, check yourself. You have to learn to speak up for yourself more. If you need to be rescued, don’t wait. Ask for help. And, of course, check your wallet before you head out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends have been planning a getaway trip for months now. They have included me in the plans, but the problem is that the plans have changed at least four times. First we were going abroad. Then across the country. Now it’s unclear, but the trip is supposed to happen soon. Since there are no set dates, I can’t request time off of work yet. My friends are still in school, so they have the summer off. How can I get them to commit to a plan so that I can go with them whenever it is solidified? -- Girls Trip

DEAR GIRLS TRIP: Chances are, you aren’t the only one who is frustrated. Call a meeting with everyone and ask for updates. Where does the group think it is going now, and when, and what is the cost? Remind them that flights often increase in price the closer to the travel date that you get. Tell them clearly that you will not be able to go unless you have enough advance notice so you can request time off work. Press them to make a decision now that you all can agree on, and make sure they are all booking at the same time. If and when you do buy an airline ticket, buy a refundable ticket, just to be safe.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)