DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at a loss on how to express my concerns to my cousin. She has gone through some serious emotional trauma at the hands of her parents, and I have witnessed firsthand how she hasn’t fully healed or even addressed those issues seriously. My cousin has been talking about having children, but the thought of her potentially projecting her unresolved issues onto children terrifies me. To make matters worse, she is not even in a committed relationship with the man she wants to have children with. I think she needs to get serious therapy before even entertaining the idea of having kids. I want to express my concern without coming off as intrusive or insensitive, and I'm not sure how to go about it. What do you recommend I do? -- Concerned Cousin

DEAR CONCERNED COUSIN: This is delicate territory, so tread lightly. Ask your cousin for permission to speak freely about something that is on your mind. With her blessing, tell her how beautiful it is that she wants to have children and remind her of what a huge responsibility it is. Suggest that as she prepares herself for the possibility, she may want to consider going to therapy to address some of the trauma that she experienced as a child so that she can learn tools to work through her challenges as well as strategies for how to be a healthy parent.

If you have ever had therapy, tell her how it helped you. Or you may know of a friend who benefited. You cannot make her do it, but you can encourage her to prepare as best she can for her future child.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have found myself in an uncomfortable situation with a friend of mine. We both have children, but my friend seems to be too lenient when it comes to parenting. Lately, she has been giving me unsolicited advice about my own child -- with whom I have a great relationship. I appreciate her concern, but her constant input makes me feel undermined as a parent. I understand that she may have good intentions, but it's important for her to recognize that every parent-child relationship is different. How can I approach this situation without jeopardizing our friendship? -- Back Off

DEAR BACK OFF: Tell your friend you need to talk to her about something serious. If you can be face to face, that is best. Point out that you have noticed that the two of you obviously love your children very much, but your parenting styles are very different. You have chosen to keep your thoughts to yourself about how she parents her child. For whatever reason, she has not been able to extend the same courtesy. Ask her to stop giving you advice on how to care for your child. Tell her you don’t like it, and you don’t appreciate it. If you want her opinion, you will ask her. Otherwise, ask her to refrain from making comments.

Chances are, she will be surprised and want to know what you are talking about. Be prepared to give her a couple of examples of unsolicited advice that she has given you and how it made you feel. You may also share an example or two of things she does that you would do differently. Be careful not to pass judgment as you clearly articulate your thoughts. Being honest and compassionate should yield the best results. Her feelings may be hurt at first, but if your friendship is strong enough, it should survive this hiccup.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I went out with a friend for dinner. As I was about to pay, I realized that I had left my wallet at home. Not to worry, I thought. I had my phone, and I knew that the venue accepted Apple Pay. So I attempted to use it, only to find out that it wasn't working. It was embarrassing, to say the least. To add insult to injury, my friend didn't offer to pay for me. I found this to be a bit odd because I had recently hosted her at my house for the weekend. I had cooked her meals, offered her my guest room and driven her around town. It didn't seem fair that she couldn't even offer to cover my meal. I must admit that my feelings are a bit hurt. So, what should I do? Do I confront my friend about this? Do I let it go and move on? I ended up having to promise to call in my credit card number as soon as I got home. It was awkward, to say the least. -- Hurt and Confused

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: I’m wondering why you didn’t directly ask her to cover you, at least until you got home? You are spending a lot of time stewing over what she didn’t do to support you in the moment and getting mad because of all you did for her in the recent past, but you could have been much more proactive.

I’ve learned never to count somebody else’s money. Your friend may not have had the funds to cover you. That could be why she didn’t offer. She could have been oblivious, which is hard to believe, but that can happen. Rather than being mad at her, check yourself. You have to learn to speak up for yourself more. If you need to be rescued, don’t wait. Ask for help. And, of course, check your wallet before you head out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends have been planning a getaway trip for months now. They have included me in the plans, but the problem is that the plans have changed at least four times. First we were going abroad. Then across the country. Now it’s unclear, but the trip is supposed to happen soon. Since there are no set dates, I can’t request time off of work yet. My friends are still in school, so they have the summer off. How can I get them to commit to a plan so that I can go with them whenever it is solidified? -- Girls Trip

DEAR GIRLS TRIP: Chances are, you aren’t the only one who is frustrated. Call a meeting with everyone and ask for updates. Where does the group think it is going now, and when, and what is the cost? Remind them that flights often increase in price the closer to the travel date that you get. Tell them clearly that you will not be able to go unless you have enough advance notice so you can request time off work. Press them to make a decision now that you all can agree on, and make sure they are all booking at the same time. If and when you do buy an airline ticket, buy a refundable ticket, just to be safe.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never had a good relationship with my sister growing up -- or even as adults, quite frankly. Recently, though, we have been getting along well. We do not live in the same town, but we talk on the phone occasionally. In the past, these conversations would often be awkward. This year, though, things have been much better. We have had very friendly conversations. I’m almost afraid to believe that this will continue since they used to be combative. How can I let go of the past and just be in the moment with her? My worry is that she used to hurt my feelings a lot. I have kept my guard up for so long, I’m not sure how to completely let it down. -- Renewed Relationship

DEAR RENEWED RELATIONSHIP: While you may not want to let down your guard completely, you can continue to ease into a relaxed engagement with your sister. When you two talk, assume the positive -- that it will be a good conversation. Listen and share naturally. When it seems like the conversation is over, end it. You can take control in this matter. Also, if you sense that old behaviors or patterns are creeping in, beg off. Tell her you have to go and that you look forward to talking at another time. Do not subject yourself to any abusive language or tone. Just end the conversation. You can even say something directly about it, like, “It looks like this conversation has taken a turn for the worse. Let’s talk later.” And then hang up. Or, “Hmm. Looks like this is my cue to go now.” No fire. No anger. No hurt feelings. Control.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss forgets a lot of things, and it is causing chaos in the office. She will give us assignments and not remember whom she asked to do what. Then she will lambaste us for not following through on things. This is incredibly frustrating as usually she is berating someone who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. When we attempt to call her on it, mainly to sort out what the task is and who was assigned to do it, she gets upset and won’t listen. This happens both on group Zoom calls and in the office when we go in. I worry that my boss is losing her memory or is just so stressed out that she can’t keep things straight. How can I help her in a way that can help all of us? -- Need a System

DEAR NEED A SYSTEM: If you are good at organization, here’s your chance to help your boss and make yourself shine. You can use program management software if your company has it, or research it and present options to your boss for how to organize and track projects. Pitch this idea as a way to streamline your work and ensure that everyone is able to fulfill the tasks she assigns.

If your boss doesn’t like this idea or the cost of it, create a spreadsheet for her with each employee and a column for tasks and deadlines. Encourage her to use this when she makes assignments and then share it with the team.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)