DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wit's end with my girlfriend. We're both in our late 20s, but sometimes she still won’t do certain things without her parents’ permission. If her parents express any disapproval, she listens to them without question. We were planning a monthlong trip to another country, and when her father said it was too dangerous, she immediately agreed to cancel. I feel like she needs to grow up and learn to make her own decisions. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t think for herself. How do I tell her that she needs to make her own decisions? -- Grow Up

DEAR GROW UP: Are you looking at this relationship as a long-term commitment? What do you want from it and with her? I ask that because it will take a lot for your girlfriend to break free from her parents’ psychological hold over her. If you are willing to stick around and support her through this, confront her about your observations. If not, you can draw her attention to it, but it may be too overwhelming for her to address.

What you can do is remind her of her age and station in life. Point out that now is the time to become independent and start making decisions for herself. Of course, she will always honor her parents, but they should no longer be making decisions for her. Tell her that you think she is afraid to exert her independence, and this worries you. You want a partner who is ready to be her own decision-maker. Ask her if she is willing to step into that role for herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a first-year college student. While the semester is coming to an end and all of my classmates are eagerly waiting for summer break to arrive, I am dreading it. My college life is vastly different from my home life, which was nothing short of toxic and unbearable. Going back home means facing all the negative feelings and experiences that come with it. What should I do? How do I cope? -- Stressed-Out Student

DEAR STRESSED-OUT STUDENT: It is probably too late to search for a job and housing at school for the summer, but you might as well check. Many colleges offer summer programs. If that works, you can stay where you are. Get creative and think outside the box. For example, if some dorms are open, they may need custodial help or front desk support. The cafeteria usually needs workers, even if the summer semester has fewer students. Go to your adviser and ask for help figuring something out.

If nothing turns up, schedule your summer so that you are not in the house too much. Find a job and work as many hours per week as you can. Save your money. Begin to create boundaries with the toxic people in your life so that you can have as much space as possible. Expand your horizons in your community, and do your best to form new, healthier bonds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is constantly putting herself down. She cannot seem to take a compliment. Even when she gives compliments to others, she follows them with a put-down comment about herself and how inadequate she is in comparison. It's really frustrating and heartbreaking to hear. She’s been in therapy for a while now, but clearly it isn’t helping her self-esteem. How can I support and uplift my friend without feeding into the low vibrational comments she makes about herself? -- Love Yourself

DEAR LOVE YOURSELF: This is a tough one because you must take care of yourself first. That means that for now, you have to limit your interaction with this friend. By taking her in small doses, you can support her without falling into the melancholy state that she cannot release. When you two are together, encourage her to talk about her ideas. Stop her when she compares herself to others. Literally interrupt her when she starts in on the self-criticism. Redirect her to explaining or describing what she’s working on or thinking about. Tell her you want to know what’s in her mind. You don’t care about other people right now. When you can get her to focus on herself, everyone will benefit.

When she falls back into being overwhelmed by self-doubt, take your exit. Don’t stick around for that part of the engagement. This doesn’t mean, by the way, that you are abandoning her. It means you are taking care of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that my friend's 19-year-old daughter is posting explicit content on a subscription-based website. My friend is not aware of her daughter's activities, and I am afraid that she will be devastated if she finds out. I don't want to cause any drama or harm their relationship, but at the same time, I don't feel comfortable staying silent. I also worry about the potential consequences that this could have on the daughter's future and reputation. What should I do? Should I talk to my friend about what I found, or should I stay quiet? -- Tricky Situation

DEAR TRICKY SITUATION: By all means, talk to your friend, but do so with caution. Let her know you have something very sensitive to discuss with her. Tell her you believe she needs to take it in and think about it before reacting. Get her to agree. Then show her what you have discovered. Seeing it for herself will be disturbing, but it will also be undeniable. Suggest that she not reveal who told her; this way, you have the opportunity to continue to monitor her daughter’s behavior if she blocks her mother from all social media platforms. Otherwise, just listen and be there for her. This soon-to-be distraught mom cannot control her adult daughter's life, but hopefully she still has enough influence to appeal to the daughter’s thoughts of her future. If the wrong person sees these posts, her future could absolutely be in jeopardy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, a guy I went to college with said some really hurtful things about me and then blocked me on all social media platforms. Unfortunately, he's a well-known creative in my city, and his opinion carries weight among our peers. I’m a less popular creative. Needless to say, the fact that he threw dirt on my name really stung.

Now it seems fate has brought us together once again. We'll both be attending the same event this weekend. I never expected to see him again, but here we are. I feel like I should address the things he said about me and clear the air. However, I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I’m worried that because I’ve kept all of this anger toward him bottled up for so long, I don’t know how it will come out when I see him. How do I express my hurt and anger without stooping to his level? I want to handle this in a way that reflects well on me and doesn't make the situation worse. -- Speaking My Piece

DEAR SPEAKING MY PIECE: Breathe -- and remind yourself of your value. Review why you are attending this event and why you are worthy of being there. When you see this guy, say hello and observe him first. Check out how he reacts to you and to others. If you can naturally claim a private moment with him, calmly ask him why he made disparaging comments about you in the past. Listen for his answer. You can tell him that his comments baffled and hurt you. Add that you hope that since you both work in the same field, you can create peace between you now. Stay calm when you speak, no matter how heated you may feel inside. In this way, you maintain control of yourself in your interaction with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After years of working in the corporate world, I have realized that it's not for me. I'm considering returning to the service industry, where I feel I'm better suited. The service industry is the only experience I have outside of my office jobs. However, I'm worried that I may be seen as taking a step back in my career. How can I smooth this transition for my mental health without feeling like a failure? -- Back To Serving

DEAR BACK TO SERVING: Take a step back and look around. There are many roles to be filled in our world. Corporate jobs represent a small part of the pie. Don’t get caught up in appearances. Follow your heart and make a plan. Working in the service industry can be excellent and lucrative. What would you like to do in the space of service? Do you have the education to support your dream? If not, go back to school and get it. You may want to delay leaving your job until you get your degree, as it will be easier to pay for it with the corporate paycheck.

Create a plan and put it into action. Survey the landscape to see what interests you the most. Determine what the pay scale is for your areas of interest. With strategy, work toward your goal. Your focus and research will help you stay the course and better value the choice you will make.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)