DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate is suffering from a tough personal loss that has left them completely overwhelmed by grief. I understand and want to give them the space and support they need to process, but because they were so preoccupied, they seem to have forgotten to pay their half of the rent. I didn't want to burden them, so I paid the full amount myself. When is the right time to ask them to pay me back? -- Awkward Timing

DEAR AWKWARD TIMING: You were kind to step in in the way you did, but know that your kindness was also risky. Even during tough times, people have to be responsible for themselves. Hopefully, your roommate will make good on paying their portion of the rent.

When do you say something? Now. Tell your roommate that you need to talk to them about something important. Be sure you have their full attention. Then note the day of the month that it is and that they missed making their rent payment. Tell them that you went ahead and paid it for them so that you two wouldn’t get a late fee. Mention that you know they were going through a hard time, but make it clear that you need to be reimbursed. Ask for them to write you a check, send the money electronically or go to an ATM to get you cash. Be insistent on getting the money right away. In this way, you will have handled your business. If your roommate needs more time to grieve, so be it, but you will have resolved this issue.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had COVID-19, which made me so mad. I thought I was past that. Plus, I was with a group of people, and I’m the only one who got it. I’m back to wearing masks when I am around other people just to be extra cautious. But I have had negative COVID tests now for a couple of weeks. Do I need to tell people that I had it a few weeks ago? I am about to go to a conference, and I want to be appropriate. People are fairly nonchalant about it these days -- totally different than a couple of years ago. I think that’s because the meds they developed do help you to get better faster. But still, should I inform people that I had it a while back? -- When To Tell

DEAR WHEN TO TELL: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that you should isolate for 10 days if you have COVID-19 with symptoms and five days if your symptoms are gone. Wearing a mask is optional afterward, but it is recommended if you are going to be in the company of people who may be immunocompromised. However, even that guideline relates to the 10-day rule. Since you are several weeks out from your illness and have recovered fully, you are under no obligation to bring up the past. For personal health reasons, you may want to wear a mask when you are in a crowd, but it is not a requirement.

For anyone who is trying to figure out their vulnerability and guidelines around COVID-19, go to this site. There is an isolation and exposure tracker that you can use to help you figure out where you stand: bit.ly/3MDQFgr.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was really upset with my husband a couple of weeks ago, and I called my friends and even my attorney to say, “This is it. I’m done.” I was that mad. Yes, I have been that mad before, but I felt like I was at my wit’s end. Now, several weeks later, we are still together. We did have a talk of sorts. I laid out my grievances for the gazillionth time, but he seemed to listen a little better this time. He has made a few efforts to be better. The bottom line is that I haven’t done anything in terms of legal action. It feels like we are working on things, for now anyway. How do I manage my friends’ expectations when I’m in this repair mode? All they remember is me screaming and hollering that I was ready to go. -- About-Face

DEAR ABOUT-FACE: The problem with telling people your business is that you have to manage it afterward. You can do it. Tell your friends that you and your husband have reconciled. Share that you had a heart-to-heart with him, and it feels like things are moving in a positive direction. Thank them for their support, and ask for them to continue to have your back as you live your life. Do your best not to give them blow-by-blows of what happens next. Instead, try to work it out directly with your husband. After all, that is the relationship that is in peril.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For many years, my husband watered my next-door neighbor’s plants whenever she traveled. He was the one with the green thumb in my house, and he loved it. My husband recently passed away. I am managing pretty well -- all things considered. But wouldn’t you know it, my neighbor stopped by the other day to ask if I would take up my husband’s role of watering her plants when she travels. My answer is a clear and simple no. I told her no 20 years ago. I don’t even water the plants in my own house. Why would I want to water hers? I know it made her feel special to have my husband come and tend to her, but I do not want to do that. How can I get her to stop pestering me about this? I have nothing against her. I just don’t plan on watering her plants. I have hired someone to do that for me. -- Not a Gardener

DEAR NOT A GARDENER: Why not consider starting a new tradition? Invite your neighbor over for tea. Create a time when you can socialize briefly with her. You remain in control of the circumstances, and you do not have to deal with her plants. It will give the two of you a chance to interact, which may be enjoyable for both of you. During a visit, you can tell her that since your husband is gone, you have hired someone to take care of your plants. Perhaps she would like that person’s number?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a tricky situation, and I'm not sure how to handle it. Recently, I borrowed a friend's car for spring break and went out of my way to take good care of it, even going as far as getting the oil changed because it needed it. I left it in perfect condition, and yet, when I returned the car to my friend, they tried to make me pay for damages that were already there! I feel tricked. How should I handle this? -- Can’t Fool Me

DEAR CAN’T FOOL ME: Hopefully you kept the receipts for all of the things that you did to the car while it was in your possession. Sit with your friend and calmly list how you used and cared for their car. Point out that you were surprised that you needed to change the oil, as that should be done regularly, meaning they should have handled it. But you took it upon yourself to do it since the car indicated the need. Thank your friend for being so generous in letting you borrow their car. But draw the line there. Whatever repairs they are mentioning, point out that the problem predates you. They will have to assume responsibility for whatever damages occurred when not in your period of care. Be sure to keep your records in case your friend decides to go a step further, like taking their grievance to small claims court.

Also, learn your lesson. Don’t ask to borrow their car anymore.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 34 years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship. Everyone around me is either already in a relationship or has had at least one in the past. As I continue to age, I’m feeling increasingly insecure about my lack of experience and starting to think something is wrong with me. I’m nervous that I will continue to feel worse as time passes. How can I be taken seriously by anyone else when I lack so much experience? -- Getting Older

DEAR GETTING OLDER: People make assumptions about one another all the time, particularly about their personal dating histories. Believe it or not, you are not alone. There are plenty of people who haven’t ever seriously dated. The world is so big and filled with so many people, but it can be difficult to meet someone who feels like a match for you.

While you do not have experience in dating, you do know yourself. You know what you like, how you enjoy spending your time, what you like to eat, how you take care of your home, what you enjoy doing with friends and most of all, how you like to be treated. That information is important for whenever you find yourself in a relationship. You will need to be able to talk about yourself and your preferences.

You will also need to be flexible. Adapting to life with another person takes time. You have to figure out not only if you really like each other, but also how well you fit into each other’s lives. When you meet someone you like, pay attention to the person. Get to know what makes them tick as you share who you are. People in successful relationships communicate well with each other. You can do that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)