DEAR HARRIETTE: I decided to give my husband a second chance after he and I went through a bad patch. I prayed on it and realized that I would rather recommit to him than whatever the alternative may be. The thing is, he hasn’t done the same. He continues to bully me, chastise me and generally treat me like crap.

I realize that this is going to work only if we both make the commitment. I have tried to get him to go to counseling with me, but he refuses. He is old-school in that way and believes that therapy is for weak people. In the meantime, he continues to do all of the things that bother me. I have generally spoken up about the way he interacts with me, but to no avail.

He didn’t act like this when we first got together. But he sure does dig in his heels and act mean now. How do I keep a positive attitude when he is so negative? -- All Alone

DEAR ALL ALONE: Go to therapy for yourself. You cannot fix your relationship on your own; the two of you need to work on it together. But in therapy you may learn tools that will help you to show up differently that may inspire change in your husband. At the very least, therapy can help you look at your life and your choices to see how your thoughts and behaviors impact the way you interact with others, including your husband. It can be true that when people change their attitudes about a person or situation, the outcomes can change as well. Your behavior can potentially inspire your husband to show up differently. With professional help, see what you can inspire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has a lot of dogs, and I am afraid of them. I am going to his city soon and want to be able to spend some time with him. I should also mention that he is a homebody. In order for me to see him, I have to go to his house. I am petrified of the idea of going there when his dogs are around. I am especially afraid to spend the night there, although that’s what I used to do whenever I visited him in the past. How can I get over my fear? Or what else can I do if I want to see my brother? -- Afraid of Dogs

DEAR AFRAID OF DOGS: You and your brother both have fears. You are afraid of his dogs, and it sounds like he is afraid to venture out. You have always acquiesced to him. Perhaps it’s time for that to stop -- at least in part. Ask your brother to put his dogs away while you visit. Make sure he agrees to that before you arrive. Limit your visit to a comfortable amount of time that allows you two to spend time together without encroaching on the natural course of life for him and his dogs.

Do not spend the night. You do not have to do that. Arrange to visit with him for one day. Either go to a nearby hotel after your visit ends or arrange for your flight home to come after you spend time with him. You do not have to spend the night at your brother’s house if you feel uncomfortable. Just leave.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I try to tell my husband about something, he jumps in almost before I get out a sentence and starts trying to solve the situation for me. This is infuriating. I don’t need him to solve anything. I need him to listen.

When I stop him and ask him to let me get my story out, he interrupts and tells me he understands the gist of what I am saying and doesn’t need me to go into detail. Instead, he feels the need to tell me what to do, something that he is certain will make the problem go away. That could be true, in the end, but what I need at the moment is for him to listen to me. When he has something happen to him, I have to listen as he drones on and on about the situation. I do it, though, because I know he needs to get it out. Why can’t he give me the same courtesy? This is really frustrating. -- Please Listen

DEAR PLEASE LISTEN: Next time your husband has something to get off his chest, try using his tactic of interrupting him and giving him advice. Be dogged about it so that he notices that you are not listening and instead are telling him what to do. Chances are, he will not like it. That’s when you can point out to him that you are mimicking his behavior when you need to talk. Perhaps he will notice it this time.

Next time he jumps in to interrupt you, stop him. Speak up and tell him that you do not want his advice now. You want him to listen to you and be quiet. Tell him that what you need more than anything is for him to pay attention to you without passing judgment or offering solutions. Coax him to at least attempt to do this and, over time, see if he improves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got home from an overseas trip. Everything went great while I was away, but now that I’m back, I’m feeling under the weather. I know I pushed myself a lot while I was gone. It was a work trip, so I had a lot of meetings, plus I wanted to see the country so I went on tours on my time off. I’m exhausted and feeling ill. I don’t want to say anything, though. My boss wants all hands on deck for work this week, and my family needs me, too. How can I take care of myself and them when I’m not feeling well? -- Under the Weather

DEAR UNDER THE WEATHER: You need to go to the doctor and get a full checkup. Explain in detail where you were, what you did, what you ate, etc. Get a COVID-19 test for sure. But know that you could have gotten another bug while you were away. Ask your doctor to check for anything that may be active in the country you visited.

You also may just need to get some rest. While it may not be ideal for you to take any time off, you might have to do so in order to have energy for the long haul. With your doctor’s evaluation, ask for a day off from work if you need it. Similarly, tell your family that you need them to carry some of the weight at home for now as you rest and recover. They may balk at first, but if you prioritize your health, ultimately you will better be able to care for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had planned on moving in with a friend of mine in the next few months, but I lost hope for our move-in plans due to my friend's lack of participation. He has all these excuses, but I don't like excuses. I see them as a sign of incompetence. I decided to take matters into my own hands and move away without notifying him until I had everything in place. Now I'm feeling a little guilty because I told him we could try again in a few months, but now I don't really have the desire to move in with him at all. I wanted to preserve our friendship. He is still sending me apartment options and asking me when I think I’ll move back. What should I do? -- Not Coming Back

DEAR NOT COMING BACK: Right now you are being passive-aggressive. You have to face your decisions and speak up to let him know the truth. Tell him how disappointed you were by the way he handled your plans to move in together. Admit that it left a bad taste in your mouth, and you decided to move on because his indecisiveness was driving you nuts. Address the reality: You do not intend to come back. You like where you are living and do not plan to move in with him. You would like to preserve the friendship, though, and living separately is one way that you believe you can make sure that happens.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel fortunate and privileged to have all the means I need to make my current situation better, yet I find myself feeling completely stuck and unable to move forward. I have access to the necessary money, resources and connections to pursue different opportunities and change my current living and job situations, but I’ve always been afraid of change, even when it’s necessary. Do you have any advice for me on how to break out of this feeling of stagnation and start making a difference for myself? -- Feeling Stuck

DEAR FEELING STUCK: Sometimes “having it all” can be difficult, mainly because “all” is relative. You have the creature comforts that should make your life easy to navigate, but what about the drive and vision? Being comfortable often makes people complacent. Think about it. If you have what you need and then some, why would you push yourself to do more or do something differently? The motivation is not as immediate when you can sit back and enjoy what you’ve got.

Step back for a moment and think about what you really want in life. What did you dream about doing as a child? What makes you happy? What wakes you up in the morning? You may need to dig for it, and you may need to consider something outside your comfort zone. If you truly do not have to work for money, consider getting involved in charitable work. There are so many worthy organizations that need smart people who have time and energy to devote to their causes. Pick one that interests you and sign up, at least for the short term. Learn what you can and offer all of your talents. That may lead you to learn something profound about yourself that will guide your next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)