DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on a small group work call the other day, and I noticed that one person in the group blatantly ignored me when I spoke directly to her. At first, I thought she might not have heard me, but then it became increasingly clear that she was intentionally choosing not to engage with me. I wrote a follow-up group email, and everyone responded but her. I am completely confused as to why she would do this, as I've never had any sort of negative interaction with her before. What do you think this could be about? -- Work Tension

DEAR WORK TENSION: Stop driving yourself crazy trying to imagine what this woman’s issue with you might be. Ask her. Describe to her how you experienced her behavior during that work call. Be calm as you tell her what you noticed. Ask her if she intentionally chose not to engage you and, if so, why. Your direct questions will either get her to respond -- or possibly to stop. She will likely be surprised that someone would address her behavior so directly. Use her surprise to your advantage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who comes from a marginalized community, and they confide in me regularly about their struggles and the injustices they experience in their everyday life. Although I understand and support my friend, I cannot truly relate to what they experience, and I find myself often at a loss for what to say in order to provide any meaningful advice or support. It makes me feel terrible because I cannot share the same insights that others in my friend's community can, and I want to help them feel heard and understood. Do you have any advice or insight into how I can better support my friend without diminishing the gravity of their struggles? -- Here To Help

DEAR HERE TO HELP: Be honest and transparent with your friend. Tell them how much you want to be there for them and that there are some things that you cannot understand. Do some research so that you can learn about your friend’s culture, but don’t use your friend as your research institute. Independently learn what you can as you also pay attention to them. When appropriate, share bits about your personal story so that your friend comes to know you as you grow to know them. Do not brag about anything, but do share your truth. When you do not have meaningful advice or commentary to offer, don’t talk. You can show your compassion through your gestures and by listening intently.

It would not be helpful for you to come up with solutions for things that you do not understand. Honestly, that could end up making you appear insensitive and tone deaf. Be yourself and be present with your friend, even as you recognize that this is not enough. Make sure that your friend gets to know people who may be better equipped to relate to their story, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few months, I have had a lot of dreams about my late father. We had a complex relationship. I know he loved me, but he was really hard on me. It felt like nothing I did was good enough. He really did a number on my head. And now, more than 10 years later, he is still in my head. I’ve been working on a big project at work, and when I can’t sleep at night, he creeps into my head. It’s not helpful. I now wake up exhausted with all of these thoughts about how I am going to mess things up. How can I end this harassment that is continuing from beyond the grave? -- Out of My Head

DEAR OUT OF MY HEAD: Calm down. Rather than panicking, notice what your father is telling you in your dreams. Is there any good advice within his messages? Without passing judgment, do your best to notice what he’s saying. Clearly, your father imparted valuable wisdom to you when he was alive. Maybe he continues to do the same now. Some people believe that their ancestors literally send messages to them from the afterlife. Others believe that the messages you heard over and over again when you were growing up bubble forth at key moments as you recall your father. You can decide for yourself where you think the messages are coming from. You may also want to seek out counseling so that you can sort through your thoughts and memories and get to a more peaceful place about your father.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman who is peripheral to my social circle passed away a month ago. It was sudden, and to the best of my knowledge, she was not ill. Her death has shaken our friend group. Now, every time I feel even the slightest bit sick, I run to the doctor. I don’t want to become a hypochondriac or anything, but I’m worried. My friend was only 50 years old, and she seemed healthy. I’m not sure what killed her, but I want to do my part to make sure I don’t drop dead out of the blue. What can I do? -- In a Panic

DEAR IN A PANIC: You are not wrong to be conscious of your health. However, you also know that people can die at any age. Additionally, you know that tomorrow is not promised. Your friend's untimely passing proves that. Yes, it is wise to check your health. Get a complete physical annually. Share details of your personal health history as fully as you can recall. Be sure to share your family’s health history as well.

Next, think about what you do to take care of yourself. What are your health rituals? What do you eat? Drink? What is your exercise routine? Your sleep patterns? Evaluate how you live and consider whether there are things you can improve upon that may prolong a healthy life. You can make some changes that will enhance your quality of life. Worrying is not the solution. Choosing to live a dynamic, healthy life is.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a team for about a year, and one member of the group is the weak link. His shortcomings directly impact me every time we work together. I have brought my concerns to his attention pretty much every time there is an issue. Still, nothing happens. I did tell my boss after a few months because it got under my skin that he was getting credit for work that I was doing on his behalf. Everybody thinks he is great, but I’m the one following behind him doing everything to make it great. I don’t think he even realizes how poorly he does his job, in part because I can’t help but fix the errors. Finally, my boss decided to speak to him about his work. It got really uncomfortable because this man then thought of me as a traitor. How can I get him to understand how to do his job better? Since they aren’t firing him, I’m not sure what to do. -- Do Your Job

DEAR DO YOUR JOB: Since your boss did speak to your co-worker, go back to your boss and ask for a plan of action to get the work done better. Mention that things are awkward now, and you need support in getting the work done between you two.

As far as your co-worker is concerned, be upfront about the situation. Remind him that you have spoken to him on several occasions about the quality of his work. Ask him if he is willing to try harder to do a better job. Apologize for having to report him to your boss. Explain that if he is willing to work harder to become proficient, everything can get easier, but right now his inefficiency is causing a problem for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently caught up with an old friend of mine. She and I both got married around the same time more than 20 years ago. She got divorced at least 10 years ago, around the same time that I was seriously thinking about it. All these years later, I'm still miserable, and she seems to be happy. She is single, but she has a great guy in her life. I saw the two of them together, and she seemed content. Meanwhile, I am miserable. Should I consider this to be a sign? Should I get divorced? -- Is It Time?

DEAR IS IT TIME?: Your friend’s life is her own, not yours. Of course you can observe her and see how her choices have played out, but you cannot think that your life will unfold like hers if you make a similar choice. The two of you are different people.

You can and should look closely at your own life and marriage. Ask yourself what is working and what is not. Drum up the courage to talk to your spouse. If you can, talk honestly with each other about what you want in life and in your future. Do not tell your spouse you have been thinking about divorce for 10 years. Instead, consider whether you can reignite your connection. If not, respectfully plan your departure, but don’t be cruel in the process.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)