DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having trouble navigating my relationship with my in-laws, particularly due to my background. My husband is from a wealthy family, and I was homeless for the majority of my childhood. Every time I mention my upbringing, I feel their judgment, like I have nothing to be proud of. I understand that they come from a different background and can’t possibly comprehend what I’ve experienced. I do, however, think they need to see that this upbringing helped shape me into a grateful, successful and strong person who wouldn’t trade her experiences for the world. I just wish there were a way to show them the power and grace of my background and how much I’ve achieved despite any challenges that have come my way. Any advice you have for me on how I can help my in-laws understand would be greatly appreciated. -- Proud of My Past
DEAR PROUD OF MY PAST: Stop focusing on getting your in-laws to understand and approve of you. Don’t feel like you have to justify yourself when you talk to them. You can be pleasant when you are with them and choose what you want to share depending on how much energy you want to devote to unpacking whatever they say to you.
Socioeconomic differences are some of the most difficult to navigate in relationships. You may not be able to change their view of you. That’s OK. Clearly, your husband sees you for all that you are, including your background. Over time, as your in-laws learn more about you and see your life, they may open their eyes more broadly. For now, though, don’t exert too much energy trying to show them who you are. Live your life and surround yourself with others who love you for you.