DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having trouble navigating my relationship with my in-laws, particularly due to my background. My husband is from a wealthy family, and I was homeless for the majority of my childhood. Every time I mention my upbringing, I feel their judgment, like I have nothing to be proud of. I understand that they come from a different background and can’t possibly comprehend what I’ve experienced. I do, however, think they need to see that this upbringing helped shape me into a grateful, successful and strong person who wouldn’t trade her experiences for the world. I just wish there were a way to show them the power and grace of my background and how much I’ve achieved despite any challenges that have come my way. Any advice you have for me on how I can help my in-laws understand would be greatly appreciated. -- Proud of My Past

DEAR PROUD OF MY PAST: Stop focusing on getting your in-laws to understand and approve of you. Don’t feel like you have to justify yourself when you talk to them. You can be pleasant when you are with them and choose what you want to share depending on how much energy you want to devote to unpacking whatever they say to you.

Socioeconomic differences are some of the most difficult to navigate in relationships. You may not be able to change their view of you. That’s OK. Clearly, your husband sees you for all that you are, including your background. Over time, as your in-laws learn more about you and see your life, they may open their eyes more broadly. For now, though, don’t exert too much energy trying to show them who you are. Live your life and surround yourself with others who love you for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is best friends with a young man who is first-generation American. They go to college together, and this young man has been a positive influence on my son. The two of them study together, and I have seen my son’s work ethic improve dramatically in just one year. When I asked him what happened to inspire his newfound academic discipline, he told me more about his friend. The good thing is that this student is driven to do excellent work. The somewhat scary part is that his parents constantly threaten to send him back to Africa if he doesn't bring home excellent grades. I don’t want my son to feel that he will be penalized if he doesn’t get all A’s, even as I like how this discipline is impacting him. How can I talk to him about our values without passing judgment? -- Discipline Vs. Balance

DEAR DISCIPLINE VS. BALANCE: Tell your son how proud you are of his accomplishments and his recent commitment to his academics. Acknowledge that he has his friend to thank for inspiring him to step it up. Thank your son for sharing details about his friend’s family. Add that you want him to know that there are no such severe consequences that you would impose on him if he did not reach the highest standards. However, the consequences will come anyway, through the opportunities he will be afforded in life. So doing his best is the wise option so that he has the greatest chances of successfully achieving his dreams.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband considers himself to be health conscious. He watches YouTube shows endlessly about alternative medicine and health regimens. On the flip side, he does not believe in going to the doctor. He thinks that high blood pressure is a myth made up by the pharmaceutical industry to push drugs on healthy people. He refuses to believe that any of the recommendations by traditional health care officials about how to care for the body are worth considering because they are all fueled by “big pharma.”

Meanwhile, I have a series of health issues that require me to take certain medications. Whenever he notices that I am taking medicine, he criticizes me and says that I am blindly buying into “the system.”

How do I navigate this? I feel like I’m constantly being judged for how I take care of myself, while I’m also worried that my husband may drop dead from a stroke because he won’t address his high blood pressure. -- Lost in Space

DEAR LOST IN SPACE: Take a deep breath and review your situation. Rather than believing that your husband is all wrong, figure out if anything he’s saying makes sense. For example, lifestyle changes -- including diet and exercise -- can be more effective in promoting long-term good health than medication (for some people). That doesn’t mean you should stop taking your medicine. It does mean you could consider adding a healthy activity to your schedule that you invite your husband to participate in. Look for bridges that can bring you two together and make you both healthier.

Do not stop taking your medication no matter what he says. Follow your doctor’s guidance. You can also ask your doctor about alternative means of addressing your concerns. Similarly, go on YouTube yourself and find some videos on dealing with high blood pressure. Recommend that your husband watch those. Perhaps it will open his eyes a bit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife has been complaining about her job lately and insisting I could never handle the work that she does. She’s an administrative assistant for a major company. Recently, I surprised her with lunch at work, and I was astonished at how nice the environment was. Her boss was extremely kind, and all of her co-workers were pleasant to be around. To top it off, my wife wasn’t even working at the time. She was busy scrolling through TikTok on her phone! I know this may not be the biggest issue in the world, but I find it annoying that my wife continues to insist she’s in an impossible working situation. I work a manual labor job that causes me to have back issues. I just don’t care to hear the constant complaints anymore. Do you have any advice on how to gently suggest she reframe her perspective and look at the positive aspects of her job? -- Frustrated Husband

DEAR FRUSTRATED HUSBAND: Have a heart-to-heart with your wife. Tell her that your observation was that she works in a positive environment. Ask her why she complains constantly that she is unhappy. Hear her out. Then, suggest that she either look for another job or choose to highlight the positives in the job she has.

Don’t compare your jobs during this conversation. Your issues are different from hers. At another time, you can discuss your challenges and how best you should deal with those.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from college to visit for spring break. I was so glad she came to be with me, but she slept almost the whole time. She would get up after 1 p.m. and soon after would go to hang out with her friends. I ended up spending only a few precious hours being able to sit and talk with her. I know she’s gaining her independence, but it was hard for me to have so little time with her. I don’t want to badger her, but how can I get the point across that I wish she would prioritize making time for us? -- Me, Too

DEAR ME, TOO: Your daughter feels safe being at home and not on a schedule. She probably relishes the fact that she can sleep in for a change, even if she isn’t expressing that directly to you. I totally understand that you want time alone with her when she is at home. I recommend that you schedule that time in the future. What do you two like to do together? Plan that. It could be taking a walk, getting your nails done, going to a movie or baking a cake. Whatever has interested you in the past, suggest it now and ask your daughter to put it on her calendar. In that way, just as she makes time to visit friends, she can make time to be with you.

Be careful not to chastise her for how she spends her time. You want to make it a fun choice for her to spend time with you, not a burden. As your daughter transitions into adulthood and full independence, create space for the two of you to build an adult relationship that is comfortable for you both.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is the king of double standards. He is constantly preaching about the way that things should be done. Never mind that he regularly does things any old way. For example, he talks about the importance of not leaving food out in the kitchen because it will attract mice and roaches. Good point. And yet, at least once or twice a week, he eats nuts and leaves the shells all over the kitchen floor. Whenever I say something to him about his behavior, he chews me out. How is it that he gets to have it both ways? -- Sick of Him

DEAR SICK OF HIM: Get ready for a fight of sorts. Sounds like you have to stand up to your husband with examples. The next time he goes off on you about what you are doing wrong, stop him in his tracks. First, admit to whatever he has addressed. If you should have handled it differently, own up to that. But then pivot to his behavior. Tell him that it irritates you to no end that he constantly berates you about your shortcomings but then ignores how frequently he breaks his own rules. Give him examples to back up your complaint. Ask him to be less judgmental of you. Instead, you can both agree to be more conscious of handling your responsibilities in a timely manner.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)