DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from college to visit for spring break. I was so glad she came to be with me, but she slept almost the whole time. She would get up after 1 p.m. and soon after would go to hang out with her friends. I ended up spending only a few precious hours being able to sit and talk with her. I know she’s gaining her independence, but it was hard for me to have so little time with her. I don’t want to badger her, but how can I get the point across that I wish she would prioritize making time for us? -- Me, Too
DEAR ME, TOO: Your daughter feels safe being at home and not on a schedule. She probably relishes the fact that she can sleep in for a change, even if she isn’t expressing that directly to you. I totally understand that you want time alone with her when she is at home. I recommend that you schedule that time in the future. What do you two like to do together? Plan that. It could be taking a walk, getting your nails done, going to a movie or baking a cake. Whatever has interested you in the past, suggest it now and ask your daughter to put it on her calendar. In that way, just as she makes time to visit friends, she can make time to be with you.
Be careful not to chastise her for how she spends her time. You want to make it a fun choice for her to spend time with you, not a burden. As your daughter transitions into adulthood and full independence, create space for the two of you to build an adult relationship that is comfortable for you both.