DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from college to visit for spring break. I was so glad she came to be with me, but she slept almost the whole time. She would get up after 1 p.m. and soon after would go to hang out with her friends. I ended up spending only a few precious hours being able to sit and talk with her. I know she’s gaining her independence, but it was hard for me to have so little time with her. I don’t want to badger her, but how can I get the point across that I wish she would prioritize making time for us? -- Me, Too

DEAR ME, TOO: Your daughter feels safe being at home and not on a schedule. She probably relishes the fact that she can sleep in for a change, even if she isn’t expressing that directly to you. I totally understand that you want time alone with her when she is at home. I recommend that you schedule that time in the future. What do you two like to do together? Plan that. It could be taking a walk, getting your nails done, going to a movie or baking a cake. Whatever has interested you in the past, suggest it now and ask your daughter to put it on her calendar. In that way, just as she makes time to visit friends, she can make time to be with you.

Be careful not to chastise her for how she spends her time. You want to make it a fun choice for her to spend time with you, not a burden. As your daughter transitions into adulthood and full independence, create space for the two of you to build an adult relationship that is comfortable for you both.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is the king of double standards. He is constantly preaching about the way that things should be done. Never mind that he regularly does things any old way. For example, he talks about the importance of not leaving food out in the kitchen because it will attract mice and roaches. Good point. And yet, at least once or twice a week, he eats nuts and leaves the shells all over the kitchen floor. Whenever I say something to him about his behavior, he chews me out. How is it that he gets to have it both ways? -- Sick of Him

DEAR SICK OF HIM: Get ready for a fight of sorts. Sounds like you have to stand up to your husband with examples. The next time he goes off on you about what you are doing wrong, stop him in his tracks. First, admit to whatever he has addressed. If you should have handled it differently, own up to that. But then pivot to his behavior. Tell him that it irritates you to no end that he constantly berates you about your shortcomings but then ignores how frequently he breaks his own rules. Give him examples to back up your complaint. Ask him to be less judgmental of you. Instead, you can both agree to be more conscious of handling your responsibilities in a timely manner.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a bit of an uncomfortable situation. I told a few friends that I am thinking of getting a divorce. I have been going through it with my husband for a long time, but I am now tired of the fussing and fighting and don’t have energy for it anymore. While that is true, I haven’t done anything yet. Whenever I try to talk to my husband about our issues, he brushes me off and refuses to engage. Out in public is another matter.

We went to an event recently, and many of my close friends were there. My husband was acting particularly friendly and warm toward me, which is not how he acts at home. It was all very pleasant. Later, my friends had a million questions. They wanted to know what was going on since recently I had said we might be calling it quits. I know I did this by expressing my worries to them, but I’m living day to day, trying to decide what I’m going to do. I don’t need my friends pressuring me on top of it. Marriage is complicated. Since most of them are single, they really do not know what I’m going through. -- Managing Expectations

DEAR MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: Something you learned as a child can come in handy now: Do not tell too many people your business. It is way too hard to manage once you put it out there. The damage is done, though, so now you are in damage-control mode. Talk to your friends. Admit that you are taking things day by day. Yes, you said you might want to get divorced when you talked to them earlier. Today, though, you are undecided. You are living your life and working through your issues. Ask for their love and nonjudgmental support as you figure this out. Do your best not to share blow-by-blow details with them anymore. Handle your business on your own.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends, “Amy,” has begun to make me feel like she does not trust that I can have meaningful relationships with anyone other than her. Recently, I held a dinner to celebrate my 25th birthday. I invited 12 of my other close friends. Amy felt the need to call me afterward to ask how I knew the people at the dinner whom she’d never met. When I told her that I had known some of them since middle school, she said she thought that I had met them on dating apps. That’s such a confusing and random assumption to make. It’s important to note that I’ve told Amy about these other friends several times in the past, but she says she doesn’t remember. What could this be about? Could I be overthinking? -- I Have Other Friends

DEAR I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS: Amy is suffering from some serious FOMO (fear of missing out). Sounds like she is covetous of your friendship and doesn’t want you to be close to other people. She finds it threatening that there are people in your inner circle she does not know.

Don’t buy into it. There is nothing you can say to allay her concerns, so just let her stew in her own juices, so to speak. By your actions, you can assure her that she is your friend and also that you have other friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling with nicotine addiction for a long time. I recently moved back in with my family and thought that now would be an excellent opportunity to quit, as I know they would not approve of my habit anyway. However, I am really struggling with my withdrawal symptoms, and they have begun to question me on some of my behaviors that they don't understand. I’m scared to tell them what’s really going on with me. What should I do? -- Recovering

DEAR RECOVERING: The best thing you can do is admit to your family what you are dealing with and ask them for help. Nicotine addiction is real and, as you are experiencing, extremely difficult to break. Making your parents allies in your struggle can be beneficial to you. It is too hard to try to hide it from them as you are experiencing withdrawal. Sit down and talk to them. Let them know exactly what’s happening. Ask for their support.

Meanwhile, get medical help, too. Visit a doctor who may be able to help you create a plan to wean you off of nicotine. Find out if there is any medication recommended to make it easier for you to get to the other side.

A ton of research has been conducted to help people who are suffering from nicotine addiction. Many people use psychotherapy to help them work through this challenge. There are also medications that have proven effective. For some of the research from the National Institutes of Health go to: bit.ly/3lfeHCW.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A male friend of mine has a crush on my brother, and my brother doesn’t like men. I've already talked to my friend about this several times and tried to explain that my brother isn’t interested in men, but he insists that I hook the two of them up. I plan to avoid having them around each other anymore because I don’t want there to be some type of awkward confrontation if my friend crosses a line. What else can I do to ensure that my friend's feelings aren't getting hurt but that it's still clear to him that my brother isn't interested? -- Give Up

DEAR GIVE UP: Does your brother know about this situation? Seems to me you should allow your brother to fend for himself. Let him know the deal -- including how insistent your friend is about him -- and invite him to handle his own business. It should be no different than if a female friend of yours is interested in your brother and he is not interested in her. You do not have to be the go-between. Let your brother stand up for himself and figure out how to say no graciously.

If your friend continues to pester your brother after he draws the line, you may want to nix him from your inner circle because he is clearly being disrespectful by not honoring boundaries. Again, that is not because he is gay. It’s because he is rude.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)