DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a bit of an uncomfortable situation. I told a few friends that I am thinking of getting a divorce. I have been going through it with my husband for a long time, but I am now tired of the fussing and fighting and don’t have energy for it anymore. While that is true, I haven’t done anything yet. Whenever I try to talk to my husband about our issues, he brushes me off and refuses to engage. Out in public is another matter.
We went to an event recently, and many of my close friends were there. My husband was acting particularly friendly and warm toward me, which is not how he acts at home. It was all very pleasant. Later, my friends had a million questions. They wanted to know what was going on since recently I had said we might be calling it quits. I know I did this by expressing my worries to them, but I’m living day to day, trying to decide what I’m going to do. I don’t need my friends pressuring me on top of it. Marriage is complicated. Since most of them are single, they really do not know what I’m going through. -- Managing Expectations
DEAR MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: Something you learned as a child can come in handy now: Do not tell too many people your business. It is way too hard to manage once you put it out there. The damage is done, though, so now you are in damage-control mode. Talk to your friends. Admit that you are taking things day by day. Yes, you said you might want to get divorced when you talked to them earlier. Today, though, you are undecided. You are living your life and working through your issues. Ask for their love and nonjudgmental support as you figure this out. Do your best not to share blow-by-blow details with them anymore. Handle your business on your own.