DEAR HARRIETTE: I just hosted a big party for my son for his birthday. He received lovely gifts, and the next day I suggested that we sit down and write his thank-you notes so that we would get that finished right away. He looked at me like I was crazy and said he told his friends thank you already -- he doesn’t need to do anything else. I know I taught him better than this. My son is now 14 years old. What can I do to get him to fulfill this very basic courtesy? He has already moved on. Meanwhile, there’s a stack of gifts that have not been put away or acknowledged. -- Bad Manners
DEAR BAD MANNERS: Tell your son that if he doesn’t fulfill his responsibilities, he will suffer consequences. Then you have to figure out what they might be. Perhaps you threaten to return all of the gifts. If he cannot show gratitude, he doesn’t deserve to have them. You have to be willing to send them all back, though, if you go that route. You can take away his cellphone or his video games -- whatever he values of his possessions -- until he completes the task. You can ground him at home with no visits from friends. If you make his life miserable enough, he may come around. Just be sure to keep it top of mind that following up is a good thing and should not require punishment to be completed.