DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a father trying to repair my relationships with my grown children. While the kids were growing up, I was never as present as I wanted to be in their lives, and I regret that. I want to repair the rift, but I don't know how. I'm finding it difficult to build a strong relationship due to the fact that there's so much we don't know about each other. I feel like I looked up one day and they were full-grown adults with their own lives and their own families, and I want to be a part of that. How can I build bridges with my children and make up for lost time? -- Building Bridges
DEAR BUILDING BRIDGES: Start by being honest with your children. Meet with them individually or as a group, and tell them the truth. Admit that you know you weren’t there for them as they probably needed you when they were young. Do not make excuses, no matter what the reasons may be. Tell them you are sorry. Add that you do want to be in their lives, and you are asking for their blessing to build those relationships now. Don’t be pushy. Just be honest.
Ask them if they would be willing to make space for you in their lives. You can take it one day at a time, starting perhaps with talking to each other monthly and visiting when time allows. Don’t make too big of an ask. Be sure to honor whatever you agree to do. Remember, you are the one with the sketchy reputation. You have to prove that you mean what you say.