DEAR HARRIETTE: A recently retired former employee of mine is trying to build a friendship with me. We were never particularly friendly while they were employed, and I find the dynamic now to be awkward and uncomfortable. I want to be respectful and kind, but at the same time, I don't want to be forced into a friendship. Can you help me come up with a way to set boundaries diplomatically? -- Awkward Friendship

DEAR AWKWARD FRIENDSHIP: Be cordial and clear. Congratulate your former employee on their retirement and encourage them to enjoy their newly discovered time to do whatever they choose. When they invite you to spend time with them, bow out gracefully. Let them know that your schedule is too full now for you to commit to spending time together. Just say no when they invite you to do things. If this person emails you, write back graciously, but do not agree to hang out with them or become pen pals. If they call, send it to voicemail. You don’t have to respond right away, either. When you get a chance to listen to the message, you can decide what is required, but a simple text back saying you are very busy and unable to connect right now should suffice. After that, just stop responding.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s belly has gotten huge over the past few years, but he either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t care. He still wears sweaters that fit him 20 years ago, and they pull up over the belly so his skin is exposed. It’s not a pretty sight. When I suggest that he wear one of the sweaters I recently purchased him that is the right size, he balks and says he’s wearing what he wants to wear. I suppose at home that’s OK, but he even wears these too-small clothes out in public. It is not good. How can I get him to pay closer attention to his grooming? Many people gain weight over time. I’m not chastising him about that. It would be nice, of course, if he looked after his health. But right now I just want him to cover his belly! -- Cover Your Belly

DEAR COVER YOUR BELLY: Do your best to get your husband to look in the mirror when he is wearing the small sweater. Point out that it doesn’t fit him anymore. Ask him to indulge you for a moment. Bring one of the new sweaters and ask him to try it on. Point out that he looks good in it because it fits.

When he grumbles and says he doesn’t care, tell him that you care. You want to look at him and see him well-groomed. Tell him it matters to you that he pays attention to his appearance, at least a little bit. Draw the line for going out. Tell him that even if he refuses to dress in clothes that fit at home, when you go out together, he needs to wear something that fits his body. (Hopefully, he won’t dig in his heels.)

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in college, and the trips to visit him or bring him home for breaks and holidays are expensive. Recently, my husband asked me how much his spring break flight cost. When I told him, he hit the ceiling. This is not news. We talked about what college would cost before my son went there. My husband seems to be totally checked out. He made one contribution to the boy’s college bills and then seemingly washed his hands of the issue.

Grumbling about costs now -- especially when he’s not making a single effort to help pay the bills -- irks me to no end. I don’t need to hear about how expensive college is. I would appreciate more financial support, though. Oh yeah, and he has some money. He could give something if he wanted to, but he doesn’t believe in college, so he is reluctant to contribute. -- Please Help

DEAR PLEASE HELP: While your husband may not be a fan of college per se, I bet he appreciates seeing his son when he comes home. Approach him from that angle, so that he doesn't feel like you are asking for help with tuition expenses. Tell him how much you would appreciate him helping to defray the cost of your son’s flight. Suggest, too, that he give your son some cash when he comes home so that he has money to hang out with his friends and get around. Go a step further and invite your husband to continue to send your son money when he’s back at school. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but any contribution will help make the financial burden lighter on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: An ex-boyfriend of mine, someone I dated a few years ago, is often in my town visiting his new girlfriend. Despite the fact that we were dating, we were also good friends, so we managed to remain friends afterward. Recently, he asked me if we could have dinner together when he visits town -- without his girlfriend present. Would it be inappropriate to have dinner with him? -- Still Friends

DEAR STILL FRIENDS: It is possible to be friends with an ex, but you do need to establish boundaries. It should be fine for you to go to one dinner with your ex to see what he wants to talk to you about and get a sense of where his life is today. Naturally, the dynamic would change if another person were around, especially his girlfriend. So it could be fine to have time to talk alone. But get clear with him about what he wants, and create an understanding of what is OK for you. What you don’t want is to establish a precedent that allows the two of you to see each other independent of her on a regular basis -- at least not without her blessing. If you two truly want to remain friends, you will need to build a rapport with her as well so that everything is on the up-and-up and nobody feels jealous or lied to.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work freelance and, therefore, never know when it will be feast or famine. As a result, I always say a resounding yes when I am asked to do a job. I had a good year last year, but things are kind of dicey this year, so I have been saying yes like crazy.

I also have been fighting off one illness after another this year. I feel certain that my illnesses are happening because I haven’t gotten enough rest, but I’m afraid to stop. If I turn down work this month, how am I going to pay my bills in a few months? I don’t mean to sound desperate, but recently I have been in a situation where my income was down and I was nearly thrown out of my apartment. How can I take better care of myself and afford to take care of myself? -- Not Enough

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: Get quiet for a minute and assess your life. What can you do differently? Can you look for freelance jobs that pay higher rates? Can you consider adjusting what you do to make your work less strenuous? Can you look for a full-time or part-time job, even if it’s not directly in your field? The constant juggle of searching for projects takes a lot of energy. If you can get a job that possibly offers benefits but definitely offers some stability, at least for a while, you may be able to give yourself the luxury of not working around the clock, resting more without putting yourself in financial peril.

Also, assess how you care for yourself. What do you eat? Drink? When do you rest? How do you spend whatever time you have to yourself? Can you develop healthier routines that may improve your state of mind and body? Be honest with yourself, and make whatever changes you can, one at a time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my male friends is close to a woman who is part of a project I just joined. I have seen them out together twice, and it’s really awkward. He and I are cool. I have considered him a friend for many years. His companion, however, has a negative attitude toward me. We don’t really know each other, but her business partners and I are friends from years back, and they don’t get along. I’m wondering if I should confide in my friend that I don’t know how to break the ice with my new colleague -- or even if that’s a good idea. I can tell they are close. I don’t want to make things worse. Should I reach out to him or just keep my mouth shut? -- Forging a Liaison

DEAR FORGING A LIAISON: Whatever you say to your friend will go straight to this woman. As long as you are clear about that, you can proceed. If you make it known that you want to clear space for a relationship between you and his friend, you may have a chance to get to know her better. If you will be working together, that may be a good idea. Don’t complain about her to him. Instead, suggest what your vision of the ideal relationship would be, and find out if he can help to facilitate that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)