DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has always expressed frustration with her immediate family, specifically her parents and her sister. She moved away from them as soon as she turned 18. As I was growing up, my mother used to tell me how important it was for her to keep her distance from them for her own mental well-being. Now that I'm all grown up, I've started to recognize a similar dynamic between my mother and sister -- one that reminds me of my mother's family. How can I preserve a sense of balance and connection in our relationship without allowing their behavior to affect me in an undesirable way? I don’t want to push my mom and sister away the way my mother pushed her family away. -- Breaking the Cycle

DEAR BREAKING THE CYCLE: Rather than cutting any family out of your life entirely, manage the time you interact with them. Notice how they behave, what you can stomach and what is simply too much for you to witness or be in the middle of. Determine where the line is so that you know that when anyone crosses it, it’s time for you to exit the scene. Let them know your boundary if you think it will help them to curb their disturbing behavior. Otherwise, just know it for yourself. All you can control is you. Figure out what that looks like for your self-preservation, and be consistent in following your plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a project at work, and one of the project leaders is not friendly. She barely speaks, and when she does, she is dismissive. Other team members grumble about her behind her back. This makes for an uncomfortable work environment. It’s almost as if people are afraid of this woman. I don’t want to be like that. I want to find a way to establish a positive relationship with her. When I observe her, I see that she doesn’t like small talk. She’s all business. I’m OK with that, but it’s hard to read whether or not she thinks the business is going well. How can I make an impression on her? -- Distant Leader

DEAR DISTANT LEADER: Request a meeting with this project leader where you can talk about work. Come with a prepared list of questions that you need clarification on so that you can refer to them. That way, if you get flustered, you can refer to your list and even tell her that you have a certain number of items to cover so she and you can manage your time wisely. You may want to ask about her expectations of you for this project and how she likes to be kept abreast of progress. Does she like weekly face-to-face check-ins or daily written reports? Incorporate whatever works for her into your schedule.

Since she doesn’t like small talk, don’t try to have any. Instead, make your interaction all business as you begin to learn how best to interact with her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has been battling substance addiction for a while now. My boyfriend struggled with the same thing for years before I met him, and he is now completely sober, healthy and thriving. I want the same thing for my brother. The emotional and psychological toll that my brother’s addiction has taken on our family is immeasurable, and I'm always looking for resources to help him. I was wondering if my current partner could provide some insight into his journey and be a supportive, positive presence for my brother in a way that only those who have lived through similar experiences can truly do. Could this be too big of an ask? My brother and my boyfriend do not have much of a relationship. -- Desperate for Help

DEAR DESPERATE FOR HELP: Talk to your boyfriend. Reveal what’s been going on with your brother, and ask your boyfriend if he would be willing to talk to him. Make it clear that you are not asking him to be your brother’s sponsor or to serve in an ongoing capacity as his sounding board. That would be too much to ask. But it could be enlightening for your brother to see someone who is clean, sober and living a positive life. Ultimately, though, your brother will heal when he is ready. Often, people have to reach rock bottom before they begin to take their recovery seriously.

For the family, you may want to consider going to Al-Anon meetings for families struggling with drug-addicted relatives. These meetings are designed to support family and loved ones who are affected by this disease. You can go to an in-person or a virtual meeting. Find out more here: al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made the decision to move abroad alone a few months ago. I know it is the right decision for me right now, considering my circumstances. Everyone in my life is excited for me and fully supports the huge leap I’m taking. The only person who seems to be unhappy with the decision is my best friend. Ever since I told her about my plans, I feel like she's been acting differently. Every time we talk about it, she gets more and more distant, and the closer I get to my departure date, the stranger she seems to act. Could she be angry with me for leaving? How do I talk to her about this? -- Moving Away

DEAR MOVING AWAY: Your best friend is sad because you are leaving. That’s normal. If you two have spent lots of time together up until now, she knows that her life is going to change dramatically when you depart. The difference between your two experiences will be that you will be off on an adventure, seeing new sites, exploring a different culture and meeting new people. She will be where she has always been, but now with a void where you used to be. It will be hard for her at first, just as it probably won’t be as hard for you.

Have some compassion. Tell her you will miss her. Don’t promise to write every day or do anything more than you may be able to do. Just be kind, patient and compassionate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What used to be cute in my marriage is now driving me crazy. I can’t stand the habits that define my husband’s daily routine. Even the way he gets out of bed in the morning grates on my nerves. It continues from there. I know it’s not right, but I feel like my whole self is screaming at him to become invisible. I know how awful that sounds. I also believe he senses my disdain for him. I can’t even look at him with a smile these days. All I see and hear are the things that drive me nuts. We used to argue about real stuff that was happening that wasn’t cool. Now, for me at least, it has devolved to me losing it over the littlest things. How can I turn this around? -- He Gets on My Nerves

DEAR HE GETS ON MY NERVES: Take a deep breath. Be still for a few minutes and ask yourself what you want for your relationship. If you think you want to stay in it and heal whatever wounds are there, you have to decide to adopt a new attitude. Everybody has some behaviors that can be irritating to others. Every single one of us. If you continue to fixate on those things that your husband does that set you off, you will remain in a perpetual state of upset. If, instead, you want to heal your relationship, look for things you like about your spouse and celebrate them. Recall things you have enjoyed together, and encourage him to do them with you now.

Of course, engaging a referee -- a professional therapist -- to help you navigate this rocky moment could be incredibly helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend has come to town three times in the past year, and she hasn’t tried to see me once. I know she has been here because of social media. I understand that she is busy. Her life is super-full right now. When she comes to town, it’s usually for work. But the thing is, I see that she is spending time with other friends. Why not me? I’m beginning to feel hurt by this. I thought we were close, but she certainly is not making me a priority. Should I say something? And if I do, how can I speak up without seeming desperate? I miss her. It’s that simple. -- Missing My Friend

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Reach out to your friend and tell her you miss her. Feel free to state the obvious: You have seen that she has been in town a few times, and it looks like she’s being productive. Tell her you would like to see her the next time she comes to town. This communication can be in a call, on a Zoom or by text. Just make sure your tone is warm and inviting rather than judgmental. If you make her feel guilty, she will be less likely to want to spend time with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)