DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has been battling substance addiction for a while now. My boyfriend struggled with the same thing for years before I met him, and he is now completely sober, healthy and thriving. I want the same thing for my brother. The emotional and psychological toll that my brother’s addiction has taken on our family is immeasurable, and I'm always looking for resources to help him. I was wondering if my current partner could provide some insight into his journey and be a supportive, positive presence for my brother in a way that only those who have lived through similar experiences can truly do. Could this be too big of an ask? My brother and my boyfriend do not have much of a relationship. -- Desperate for Help

DEAR DESPERATE FOR HELP: Talk to your boyfriend. Reveal what’s been going on with your brother, and ask your boyfriend if he would be willing to talk to him. Make it clear that you are not asking him to be your brother’s sponsor or to serve in an ongoing capacity as his sounding board. That would be too much to ask. But it could be enlightening for your brother to see someone who is clean, sober and living a positive life. Ultimately, though, your brother will heal when he is ready. Often, people have to reach rock bottom before they begin to take their recovery seriously.

For the family, you may want to consider going to Al-Anon meetings for families struggling with drug-addicted relatives. These meetings are designed to support family and loved ones who are affected by this disease. You can go to an in-person or a virtual meeting. Find out more here: al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made the decision to move abroad alone a few months ago. I know it is the right decision for me right now, considering my circumstances. Everyone in my life is excited for me and fully supports the huge leap I’m taking. The only person who seems to be unhappy with the decision is my best friend. Ever since I told her about my plans, I feel like she's been acting differently. Every time we talk about it, she gets more and more distant, and the closer I get to my departure date, the stranger she seems to act. Could she be angry with me for leaving? How do I talk to her about this? -- Moving Away

DEAR MOVING AWAY: Your best friend is sad because you are leaving. That’s normal. If you two have spent lots of time together up until now, she knows that her life is going to change dramatically when you depart. The difference between your two experiences will be that you will be off on an adventure, seeing new sites, exploring a different culture and meeting new people. She will be where she has always been, but now with a void where you used to be. It will be hard for her at first, just as it probably won’t be as hard for you.

Have some compassion. Tell her you will miss her. Don’t promise to write every day or do anything more than you may be able to do. Just be kind, patient and compassionate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What used to be cute in my marriage is now driving me crazy. I can’t stand the habits that define my husband’s daily routine. Even the way he gets out of bed in the morning grates on my nerves. It continues from there. I know it’s not right, but I feel like my whole self is screaming at him to become invisible. I know how awful that sounds. I also believe he senses my disdain for him. I can’t even look at him with a smile these days. All I see and hear are the things that drive me nuts. We used to argue about real stuff that was happening that wasn’t cool. Now, for me at least, it has devolved to me losing it over the littlest things. How can I turn this around? -- He Gets on My Nerves

DEAR HE GETS ON MY NERVES: Take a deep breath. Be still for a few minutes and ask yourself what you want for your relationship. If you think you want to stay in it and heal whatever wounds are there, you have to decide to adopt a new attitude. Everybody has some behaviors that can be irritating to others. Every single one of us. If you continue to fixate on those things that your husband does that set you off, you will remain in a perpetual state of upset. If, instead, you want to heal your relationship, look for things you like about your spouse and celebrate them. Recall things you have enjoyed together, and encourage him to do them with you now.

Of course, engaging a referee -- a professional therapist -- to help you navigate this rocky moment could be incredibly helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend has come to town three times in the past year, and she hasn’t tried to see me once. I know she has been here because of social media. I understand that she is busy. Her life is super-full right now. When she comes to town, it’s usually for work. But the thing is, I see that she is spending time with other friends. Why not me? I’m beginning to feel hurt by this. I thought we were close, but she certainly is not making me a priority. Should I say something? And if I do, how can I speak up without seeming desperate? I miss her. It’s that simple. -- Missing My Friend

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Reach out to your friend and tell her you miss her. Feel free to state the obvious: You have seen that she has been in town a few times, and it looks like she’s being productive. Tell her you would like to see her the next time she comes to town. This communication can be in a call, on a Zoom or by text. Just make sure your tone is warm and inviting rather than judgmental. If you make her feel guilty, she will be less likely to want to spend time with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At 26 years old, I'm finally in a position to support myself independently. Despite the tangible indicators of adulthood, I still feel like I'm not ready for it. There are times when I feel like I'm still living as an inexperienced teenager, just pretending to know what I'm doing. I keep wondering -- will I ever genuinely feel like an adult? At what point does adulthood really set in? -- Growing Up

DEAR GROWING UP: So-called “growing up” can feel like it takes a lifetime. If you listen to some people who are much older than you, you may sometimes hear them saying, “I feel like a big kid.” That can be good and bad. Having an attitude of wonder and curiosity is great. Feeling vulnerable and unprepared is not.

One way to develop a mature mindset is to start planning. Envision what you want your life to be like. What do you see for yourself in five or 10 years? What will you be doing for work? Family? Friends? Where will you live? What will make you happy? How much money will you have? Think about all of it and do your best to imagine it all the way through. This will help you see what you need to do to reach your goals. Part of growing up is being responsible for yourself -- for your health, wealth and well-being. Periodically check in with yourself to see how you are doing on those fronts. If you continue to pay attention to how you are setting the course and following your plan, you will begin to notice progress. That’s what growing up looks like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been completely single for over 12 months now, with no romantic prospects. Surprisingly, I don't find this depressing; it's almost as if I'm content being by myself, which has only happened recently. Yet no matter how accepting of my current state I am, my thoughts often drift back to my ex-girlfriend from college. I wouldn’t act on any of these feelings, but I find myself reevaluating our relationship, wanting to know how she’s doing, and almost missing her. Is this normal? The feelings come and go, but they are definitely there. -- Dwelling in the Past

DEAR DWELLING IN THE PAST: Ask yourself some key questions: Why did you two break up? What was so special about her and that relationship? Could it be worth it to reach out to her again? I’m a big believer in timing needing to be on your side in order for the magic of a relationship to ignite and last. Perhaps the timing was off in college. Could there be a chance for you two now?

If you think so, do your research. Make sure she is single. Then reach out to her. Tell her you have been thinking about her and would like to see her again. If she agrees, see what unfolds. If not, keep it moving. You don’t want to become a stalker or desperate in any way. Just find out if she’s game to hang out at least once.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)