DEAR HARRIETTE: What used to be cute in my marriage is now driving me crazy. I can’t stand the habits that define my husband’s daily routine. Even the way he gets out of bed in the morning grates on my nerves. It continues from there. I know it’s not right, but I feel like my whole self is screaming at him to become invisible. I know how awful that sounds. I also believe he senses my disdain for him. I can’t even look at him with a smile these days. All I see and hear are the things that drive me nuts. We used to argue about real stuff that was happening that wasn’t cool. Now, for me at least, it has devolved to me losing it over the littlest things. How can I turn this around? -- He Gets on My Nerves

DEAR HE GETS ON MY NERVES: Take a deep breath. Be still for a few minutes and ask yourself what you want for your relationship. If you think you want to stay in it and heal whatever wounds are there, you have to decide to adopt a new attitude. Everybody has some behaviors that can be irritating to others. Every single one of us. If you continue to fixate on those things that your husband does that set you off, you will remain in a perpetual state of upset. If, instead, you want to heal your relationship, look for things you like about your spouse and celebrate them. Recall things you have enjoyed together, and encourage him to do them with you now.

Of course, engaging a referee -- a professional therapist -- to help you navigate this rocky moment could be incredibly helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My good friend has come to town three times in the past year, and she hasn’t tried to see me once. I know she has been here because of social media. I understand that she is busy. Her life is super-full right now. When she comes to town, it’s usually for work. But the thing is, I see that she is spending time with other friends. Why not me? I’m beginning to feel hurt by this. I thought we were close, but she certainly is not making me a priority. Should I say something? And if I do, how can I speak up without seeming desperate? I miss her. It’s that simple. -- Missing My Friend

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Reach out to your friend and tell her you miss her. Feel free to state the obvious: You have seen that she has been in town a few times, and it looks like she’s being productive. Tell her you would like to see her the next time she comes to town. This communication can be in a call, on a Zoom or by text. Just make sure your tone is warm and inviting rather than judgmental. If you make her feel guilty, she will be less likely to want to spend time with you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At 26 years old, I'm finally in a position to support myself independently. Despite the tangible indicators of adulthood, I still feel like I'm not ready for it. There are times when I feel like I'm still living as an inexperienced teenager, just pretending to know what I'm doing. I keep wondering -- will I ever genuinely feel like an adult? At what point does adulthood really set in? -- Growing Up

DEAR GROWING UP: So-called “growing up” can feel like it takes a lifetime. If you listen to some people who are much older than you, you may sometimes hear them saying, “I feel like a big kid.” That can be good and bad. Having an attitude of wonder and curiosity is great. Feeling vulnerable and unprepared is not.

One way to develop a mature mindset is to start planning. Envision what you want your life to be like. What do you see for yourself in five or 10 years? What will you be doing for work? Family? Friends? Where will you live? What will make you happy? How much money will you have? Think about all of it and do your best to imagine it all the way through. This will help you see what you need to do to reach your goals. Part of growing up is being responsible for yourself -- for your health, wealth and well-being. Periodically check in with yourself to see how you are doing on those fronts. If you continue to pay attention to how you are setting the course and following your plan, you will begin to notice progress. That’s what growing up looks like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been completely single for over 12 months now, with no romantic prospects. Surprisingly, I don't find this depressing; it's almost as if I'm content being by myself, which has only happened recently. Yet no matter how accepting of my current state I am, my thoughts often drift back to my ex-girlfriend from college. I wouldn’t act on any of these feelings, but I find myself reevaluating our relationship, wanting to know how she’s doing, and almost missing her. Is this normal? The feelings come and go, but they are definitely there. -- Dwelling in the Past

DEAR DWELLING IN THE PAST: Ask yourself some key questions: Why did you two break up? What was so special about her and that relationship? Could it be worth it to reach out to her again? I’m a big believer in timing needing to be on your side in order for the magic of a relationship to ignite and last. Perhaps the timing was off in college. Could there be a chance for you two now?

If you think so, do your research. Make sure she is single. Then reach out to her. Tell her you have been thinking about her and would like to see her again. If she agrees, see what unfolds. If not, keep it moving. You don’t want to become a stalker or desperate in any way. Just find out if she’s game to hang out at least once.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was trying to send a text message to my friend, and it inadvertently went to my boss. There wasn’t anything bad in it, per se. But my language was a bit racy. I used a couple of curse words and incomplete sentences. It was the shorthand I use when I talk to my friends.

Anyway, I was embarrassed to learn that my boss had received it, and he replied that I must have made a mistake in sending it to him. I immediately apologized and explained that I had written it to my friend, but somehow I now feel like he looks at me a little differently. At work I am totally buttoned up and professional. He got to see a more relaxed side, but I’m not sure if he likes that. Is there anything I should do to refresh his image of me? -- TMI

DEAR TMI: Even your boss has a private life where he probably lets his hair down. If anything, it would be good leadership for him to show you that he understands your mistake and that your missent text to him was no big deal. You must not make it bigger than it is. So you cursed -- who cares? Life goes on. Remember who you are and how you present at work. Be your professional self, and leave this tiny mistake in the past.

In terms of sending communications electronically, you may want to step back a moment and review whatever you have written before you push send in the future. If the wrong person intercepted it, would you or anyone else be harmed? Are you sending it to the right person?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw a friend of mine I had not seen since before the pandemic except on Zoom. He is a wonderful man, and we have been professional friends for decades. When I saw him, I was shocked. He has gained at least 50 pounds in the past three years. He has always been a fashionable guy, but not this time. He just looked unhealthy. I’m going to assume that he knows what’s going on. He never struck me as someone who doesn’t pay attention to these things. Is it my place as his friend to ask about the obvious? I’m worried about him. -- Do I Say Something?

DEAR DO I SAY SOMETHING?: It is highly unlikely that your friend does not realize he has gained some weight. For starters, he would have to be wearing bigger clothes. I do not recommend that you ask him about his weight. What you can do is just talk to him. Invite him out for coffee. Tell him what’s been going on in your world during the past three years, and ask him about himself. Let him open up to you. The reality is, you cannot change his course. He has to do that himself. If you have a recent personal story of struggle or transformation, you may want to share that with him in a natural way so that he can see what you have been going through. Otherwise, you must wait until he brings it up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)