DEAR HARRIETTE: What used to be cute in my marriage is now driving me crazy. I can’t stand the habits that define my husband’s daily routine. Even the way he gets out of bed in the morning grates on my nerves. It continues from there. I know it’s not right, but I feel like my whole self is screaming at him to become invisible. I know how awful that sounds. I also believe he senses my disdain for him. I can’t even look at him with a smile these days. All I see and hear are the things that drive me nuts. We used to argue about real stuff that was happening that wasn’t cool. Now, for me at least, it has devolved to me losing it over the littlest things. How can I turn this around? -- He Gets on My Nerves
DEAR HE GETS ON MY NERVES: Take a deep breath. Be still for a few minutes and ask yourself what you want for your relationship. If you think you want to stay in it and heal whatever wounds are there, you have to decide to adopt a new attitude. Everybody has some behaviors that can be irritating to others. Every single one of us. If you continue to fixate on those things that your husband does that set you off, you will remain in a perpetual state of upset. If, instead, you want to heal your relationship, look for things you like about your spouse and celebrate them. Recall things you have enjoyed together, and encourage him to do them with you now.
Of course, engaging a referee -- a professional therapist -- to help you navigate this rocky moment could be incredibly helpful.