DEAR HARRIETTE: My anniversary is coming up soon, and it’s a big one. Normally I would go all out and host a big party, but I’m not feeling it. Half the time I am so mad at my husband that I don’t talk to him. The rest of the time, we either act nice to each other but it’s pretty superficial, or we yell expletives at each other. It’s a mess.
I have asked my husband to go to therapy. He refuses. Mainly, I just feel sad. Some of my friends have been pushing me to have a party, but it feels so fake. How can I handle this situation without drawing too much attention to our anniversary or what’s going on between us? -- Not in the Mood
DEAR NOT IN THE MOOD: A party is the least of your worries. Take the pressure off of yourself on that front. Focus on your marriage. You may want to start by finding a therapist for yourself. Start talking to a professional about what’s going on in your life. Be as transparent and specific as possible. The more forthcoming you are about what’s happening in your world, the better the professional will be able to help you.
Envision the life you want for yourself moving forward. What would you do each day? Would your husband be present? If so, how would the two of you interact? How would you spend your downtime? Once you have a clear picture of that, start to live that way. Invite your husband to step into the world that you see for yourself. See if that helps.
If friends or others start to pester you about whether or not you are going to have a party, just say no. You do not have to provide an explanation.