DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in the onboarding process for a new project, and one of the principals is worrying me. There is a lot of tension in leadership. I have the ear of one of the leaders, and right now all I’m hearing is moaning and groaning about internal feuding. It’s making me worry that the work cannot get done due to the bickering. I want to be a confidant to this woman, my contact, but I’m tired of hearing the blow-by-blow of internal drama. And I’m worried that I won’t be effective after I join the team if they can’t get past the fighting. How can I help get them back on track? -- Eyes on the Prize

DEAR EYES ON THE PRIZE: When you talk to your contact, focus on the goals of the project and how to execute them. Agree to listen to the internal conflict for a few minutes, but gently pivot the conversation to the work at hand. Offer to help keep the goals on track. If you sense that the blow-by-blow is consuming too much oxygen, ask her to refocus on the project. Come to your meetings with a list of objectives, timelines and other prompts that can help keep discussions on track. Before you sign any paperwork, make it known that you want to work on this project and that you are concerned about how time-consuming and distracting the in-fighting has become. Offer to help keep the project focused, but make it clear that leadership has to work through their turmoil -- and fast.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's father has always expected us to give him money whenever he needs it. This expectation is unreasonable and causes us a lot of stress and financial burden. I understand that he may need some help at times, but always expecting us to provide for him without any compromise or consideration for our own financial situation is not fair. I don't know what to do about this situation. It has been going on for quite some time now, and my husband refuses to confront his father about it. What can we do to break free from this unfair demand while still showing compassion toward his father? -- Stop Asking

DEAR STOP ASKING: Sit down with your husband and make a budget. Review all of your financial needs and goals. Talk about what your plans are for your family, what you want to save for, etc. Include some support for your father-in-law and potentially any other family members who may need help. Elder care is a real concern for millions of families in our country. In order to have control over your life, you have to figure out and be clear about what you can contribute to your father-in-law.

Once you have established what you are comfortable contributing to your father-in-law, agree to tell him. This may require that you step up to deliver the news if your husband doesn’t feel capable. You two need to decide how you will handle it. Will you give him a monthly allowance? Will you create an emergency fund for when he calls, but limit the amount? Whatever you decide, move forward together with that understanding, and let your father-in-law know that there are boundaries around his monetary requests now. Period.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: From out of nowhere, I had a dream that was extremely provocative. Next thing you know, I was having a spontaneous orgasm, even though nobody touched me -- including myself. It was amazing and highly unusual. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. Meanwhile, I woke my husband up with the squirming that apparently was going on. I swear I don’t know if I said anything or what happened. I don’t remember the details of the dream either. I woke up to that feeling in my body, and I was like, “Whoa!”

Now my husband is accusing me of having an affair, or at least of wanting to, because he could tell that whatever was happening in my dream was sexual. I told him everything that happened, but he’s not satisfied because I don’t remember the details. What do I do now? That was such an amazing experience, but it has caused me a world of trouble. My husband and I haven’t been intimate in a long time, so now he thinks I have a lover on the side. I truly don’t! -- Dream Lover

DEAR DREAM LOVER: Rather than getting in a fight with your husband, ask him if he is willing to dream out loud with you. Take him on a fantasy journey by describing to him whatever you recall from your dream. Add provocative twists and turns. Ask him to play along and add his own ideas. Turn this moment that you enjoyed so much into something the two of you can have fun with, rather than a point of accusation. Make your own dream together!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is always harping at me about my eating habits and how I need to lose weight, which is true, but he needs to as well. He snacks all day long on trail mix and dried fruits. He claims that these are healthy, and I tell him “only in moderation.” When he consumes Costco-size bags of these things every week, I know that’s not good for him. But he just shoos me away when I say anything. Meanwhile, he has gained quite a bit of weight in recent months. The only thing I can see that he’s doing in excess is eating these salty and sweet “healthy” snacks. How can I get him to slow down on his consumption? -- Only in Moderation

DEAR ONLY IN MODERATION: Take a look at the labels of the snacks he is eating. Look closely at the ingredients and nutritional content. Specifically look for sodium and sugar content. Then compare those percentages to the daily recommended percentages of sodium and sugar. Currently, the American Heart Association recommends that people consume no more than 2,300 milligrams of sodium per day, with 1,500 milligrams being optimal. For women, the AHA recommends no more than six teaspoons of added sugar and nine for men.

Believe it or not, based on the snacks that people eat, it is easy to consume more than the daily recommendation in just one sitting. My research suggests that as far as snacks go, dried fruits are among the healthier choices. There are plenty of health benefits to be gained from dried fruits, including vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, but it is also true that dried fruits have concentrated amounts of sugar in them and should be eaten in moderation. Show your husband the percentages of sugar and salt in the snacks he is eating, and recommend healthy amounts for him. Bag up healthy portion sizes for him so that he can eat responsibly. He may appreciate your turning his jumbo-size bag into bite-size treats.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw a story in my local newspaper about the company where the mother of one of my daughter’s friends works. It was terrible. The company is being accused of discrimination, and it looks like a lawsuit is imminent. The woman I know has an important job at the company. While it is unlikely that she is directly involved in the controversy, I feel bad for her. Her company is under terrible scrutiny, and everybody is talking about it.

I want to reach out to this woman to tell her I am there for her. Is that a good thing to do? I don’t really have any advice. I’m not a lawyer or anything, but I imagine that things must be awfully tense in her office, given the breaking news. Do you think it’s a good idea to reach out to her? -- Under Fire

DEAR UNDER FIRE: It is thoughtful of you to want to provide moral support to this woman at such a challenging time. Why not start by sending her a text, if you have her phone number? Tell her that you are thinking of her and want her to know that you are around if she needs to talk. If she responds, invite her to join you for coffee or drinks sometime soon. If she does not, reach out again in a week or so and extend an invitation to get together. If she agrees to see you, be a good listener, not an interrogator. If your intention is to have this woman’s back, let her share what she feels comfortable discussing, and keep her thoughts to yourself.

Should you feel the need to let her know your feelings about the controversy, ask her if she is up for discussing it before you launch. Your personal opinion is not the issue here. If a lawsuit is imminent, her company’s problems are far bigger than you. Don’t complicate her life. Unless she asks for your input, keep your mouth shut.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been watching a lot of movies and miniseries recently, mainly because it gives me time together with my daughter. It started during quarantine and has continued. We talk a lot about the shows and all kinds of other things as we're watching, which is nice. My problem is that we have looked at so many that I find it hard to remember one show from the next. This is frustrating for my daughter, who will ask me if I remember something, and often I get the shows confused. How can I keep it all together so that our lovely way of connecting doesn’t become a source of upset? -- Jog My Memory

DEAR JOG MY MEMORY: You may want to consider jotting down a few key notes about the things you watch. You can record the title of the film or series, the main actors’ actual names and names in the show, the general plotline and perhaps how it made you feel. Also, write down when you watched it.

This memory exercise is something you can use for other things, as well. As you go about your day, when something of note occurs, record it. Take a minute to write down the particulars of the moment, including where and when it happened. You will thank yourself later.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)