DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating this guy for a while, and I can't shake the feeling that he might be gay. There is something about his mannerisms and demeanor that stick out to me in a different way than the other heterosexual men I’ve dated in the past. He's kind, considerate and very thoughtful, but there is definitely something off about our relationship. He has many feminine qualities. His attitude toward other women has always stuck out to me. Even when he is speaking about women he doesn’t know that well, he has this generally irritated tone. However, when speaking about men, he often speaks very highly of them. I know I can't jump to conclusions about things like this, but the suspicion never fades. Is this something I should ask him about? -- Need To Know

DEAR NEED TO KNOW: First, you need to come to terms with what you want and will accept in a relationship. In our fluid culture, where many people are not easily fitting into “gay” or “straight” labels, it is important for you to be clear on who you are and what you want in a relationship so that you can articulate that clearly to a potential partner. It could be that your guy is bisexual -- he might be committed to you right now, but potentially could be interested in a man if you weren't in the picture. How do you feel about that?

It makes perfect sense for you to talk to him about your thoughts and questions. If you can do so without judgment, chances are, you will get an honest answer. Tell him your suspicions, ask him if he is attracted to men, and ask if he has had relationships with men. Be clear with yourself about what you will do if he says yes. Will you want to continue to be with him? If so, what do you want from him? Many simply want a committed, monogamous partner. If that’s what you want, ask for it. It all boils down to what you want and need and your ability to express that and discover how he fits into your vision of your relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am working on a project with partners who are extremely difficult to work with. They don’t get along well. One is always jabbing at the other, which makes it hard to get work done. They are constantly bickering about every little thing. I like the project, though, and want to see if I can look past the arguments to the big picture. I was thinking that if I could create order in writing for how we approach specific tasks, that might help the team get things done. I don’t mean to overstep, but the arguing wastes so much time. What do you think if I present them with a plan that creates more structure online where we record our tasks and successes and have less interaction? -- Finding a Solution

DEAR FINDING A SOLUTION: Using technology to solve problems is smart. If you can engage software that helps streamline personal interaction and keeps track of the workflow, that may be a perfect way to support your disgruntled team. You may also recommend creating a structure for meetings when you must interact. Agendas that make it clear who is accountable for what and who speaks when may help to create order out of an otherwise fractured team. It’s worth a try.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee wants a luxurious wedding and refuses to compromise on her wishes even though I'm the one who works, and we would be much better off using that money in other ways. She argues that this is the only time in our lives when we will have such an occasion, but I can't help but feel as though it's frivolous to waste all of this money on something that won't really benefit us in the long term. I'm trying to reason with her, but she seems completely dead set on having a big day, regardless of what I say. How do I get her to realize how much more practical it would be for us to spend our money elsewhere? -- Waste of Money

DEAR WASTE OF MONEY: You are dealing with a dream here, which is why it feels impossible to reason with your fiancee. She has likely thought about what her wedding would be like since she was a little girl. Budget typically has nothing to do with dreams, which is why they can be as extravagant or fantastical as one can imagine. Let your fiancee articulate her big dream with all the trimmings. Then let her know what budget you believe the two of you should allocate for the wedding. This is where you can establish some boundaries. If she can get creative within a specific budget and still have many of her ideas in place, that’s wonderful.

If she finds it impossible to make it all happen within the given amount, this is where your real discussions of compromise and planning for the future come in. It’s all good, but it may be difficult to navigate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I tell my husband something that’s going on with me, he interrupts me and offers a solution on how to fix my problem. The thing is, I’m usually not sharing a problem and rarely am I asking him for his advice. More, I’m just telling him about my day or about something that’s going on. It's even worse when I do have a problem. I can hardly get out a sentence before he has jumped in and given me a thousand solutions without even fully hearing what’s going on. How can I get him to listen and participate in a conversation rather than always feeling the need to tell me what to do? -- Learn to Listen

DEAR LEARN TO LISTEN: I will start by somewhat snidely saying, “Good luck with that.” I think men are hard-wired to be problem solvers. Typically, their knee-jerk reaction to just about anything is to look for a solution immediately. Sometimes that can be helpful, but in day-to-day conversation with a spouse, not so much. The good news is that you can talk to your husband and point out his patterns as well as your desires. Thank him for wanting to support you by always coming up with solutions. Point out that solutions are not usually what you seek. What you want most is a good listener who will hear what you are saying and talk to you about it. Let him know that you will ask him directly if you need him to solve a problem for you. (Warning: This only works occasionally.)

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been single for a while now, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of finding someone new. I want to take this time to focus on myself and what I need. It's important for me to build confidence in myself and know that I can thrive alone if I need to. I know that a major part of being single is learning to create joy for yourself and to appreciate spending time alone, but I don’t know how. How do I make the most of this time in my life? -- Single Again

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: What do you enjoy? Think about that. What do you like to do in your spare time? What have you wanted to do that you haven’t made time for? What makes you smile? Really think about these things and make a list for yourself. Too often we fill our days with work and little else. What if you allocated time several days a week to doing something you like?

I have a friend who has been single for some years now who is one of the most content people I know. She is into gardening and travel and discovering treasures in small towns, and she does a lot of that by herself. She also invites friends to tag along when she feels like adding the company of others. What I have noticed about her is her embrace of the moment by herself. She has no problem sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee and reading the paper or traveling solo to another country and taking a tour of the countryside. You need to find your interests and comfort zones. You may need to create new ones, but you can do it. And who knows? You may meet someone along the way who shares your interests.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't talked to a certain ex-friend in years, so I'm not sure what would be the appropriate response after learning of the death of someone very close to them. It's likely been a difficult time for them, and I want to show some support without seeming intrusive. Would it be better for me to call, or should I just send a card or other token of condolence? What is the formality for such a situation? -- I Still Care

DEAR I STILL CARE: The question you must ask is: Would you want to talk to this former friend if the situation were reversed? If so, you may want to make that clear in whichever way you reach out. A condolence card is a safe way to show your respect. It is also the most benign way of reaching out. It is likely that your friend will receive a lot of cards and will eventually get around to yours. You can leave your phone number on a card with a note saying to call if they need anything.

You can also text your former friend to say that you learned of their loved one’s passing and wanted to be in touch. You can say that if they need anything or want to talk, they should reach out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)