DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee wants a luxurious wedding and refuses to compromise on her wishes even though I'm the one who works, and we would be much better off using that money in other ways. She argues that this is the only time in our lives when we will have such an occasion, but I can't help but feel as though it's frivolous to waste all of this money on something that won't really benefit us in the long term. I'm trying to reason with her, but she seems completely dead set on having a big day, regardless of what I say. How do I get her to realize how much more practical it would be for us to spend our money elsewhere? -- Waste of Money

DEAR WASTE OF MONEY: You are dealing with a dream here, which is why it feels impossible to reason with your fiancee. She has likely thought about what her wedding would be like since she was a little girl. Budget typically has nothing to do with dreams, which is why they can be as extravagant or fantastical as one can imagine. Let your fiancee articulate her big dream with all the trimmings. Then let her know what budget you believe the two of you should allocate for the wedding. This is where you can establish some boundaries. If she can get creative within a specific budget and still have many of her ideas in place, that’s wonderful.

If she finds it impossible to make it all happen within the given amount, this is where your real discussions of compromise and planning for the future come in. It’s all good, but it may be difficult to navigate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I tell my husband something that’s going on with me, he interrupts me and offers a solution on how to fix my problem. The thing is, I’m usually not sharing a problem and rarely am I asking him for his advice. More, I’m just telling him about my day or about something that’s going on. It's even worse when I do have a problem. I can hardly get out a sentence before he has jumped in and given me a thousand solutions without even fully hearing what’s going on. How can I get him to listen and participate in a conversation rather than always feeling the need to tell me what to do? -- Learn to Listen

DEAR LEARN TO LISTEN: I will start by somewhat snidely saying, “Good luck with that.” I think men are hard-wired to be problem solvers. Typically, their knee-jerk reaction to just about anything is to look for a solution immediately. Sometimes that can be helpful, but in day-to-day conversation with a spouse, not so much. The good news is that you can talk to your husband and point out his patterns as well as your desires. Thank him for wanting to support you by always coming up with solutions. Point out that solutions are not usually what you seek. What you want most is a good listener who will hear what you are saying and talk to you about it. Let him know that you will ask him directly if you need him to solve a problem for you. (Warning: This only works occasionally.)

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been single for a while now, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of finding someone new. I want to take this time to focus on myself and what I need. It's important for me to build confidence in myself and know that I can thrive alone if I need to. I know that a major part of being single is learning to create joy for yourself and to appreciate spending time alone, but I don’t know how. How do I make the most of this time in my life? -- Single Again

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: What do you enjoy? Think about that. What do you like to do in your spare time? What have you wanted to do that you haven’t made time for? What makes you smile? Really think about these things and make a list for yourself. Too often we fill our days with work and little else. What if you allocated time several days a week to doing something you like?

I have a friend who has been single for some years now who is one of the most content people I know. She is into gardening and travel and discovering treasures in small towns, and she does a lot of that by herself. She also invites friends to tag along when she feels like adding the company of others. What I have noticed about her is her embrace of the moment by herself. She has no problem sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee and reading the paper or traveling solo to another country and taking a tour of the countryside. You need to find your interests and comfort zones. You may need to create new ones, but you can do it. And who knows? You may meet someone along the way who shares your interests.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't talked to a certain ex-friend in years, so I'm not sure what would be the appropriate response after learning of the death of someone very close to them. It's likely been a difficult time for them, and I want to show some support without seeming intrusive. Would it be better for me to call, or should I just send a card or other token of condolence? What is the formality for such a situation? -- I Still Care

DEAR I STILL CARE: The question you must ask is: Would you want to talk to this former friend if the situation were reversed? If so, you may want to make that clear in whichever way you reach out. A condolence card is a safe way to show your respect. It is also the most benign way of reaching out. It is likely that your friend will receive a lot of cards and will eventually get around to yours. You can leave your phone number on a card with a note saying to call if they need anything.

You can also text your former friend to say that you learned of their loved one’s passing and wanted to be in touch. You can say that if they need anything or want to talk, they should reach out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am embarrassed to say that I suffer from almost all of the chronic health problems that commonly befall Black people in this country. I feel like such a failure in this regard. Outside of my health, I am killing it at work and have a good life. I checked off all the boxes toward success regarding education and building a career and family, but the health part sucks.

I don’t want to tell anybody because it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to be a statistic -- especially after so much hard work. I admit, though, that I have not prioritized exercise or healthy eating the way I should have. I was grinding, trying to make a career for myself. What can I do now without drawing attention to my problems? -- Health Hurdle

DEAR HEALTH HURDLE: Just like you mapped out your career path, you now need to map out a health journey. You can do this with your doctors. They have to keep your health confidential. Ask for their support. Enlist a dietician and a fitness coach, as well. Then make a plan of action with incremental checkpoints and goals that will help you monitor your progress. Rather than being embarrassed, be charged up to get healthier. When you are ready, invite your closest family members and friends to support you. That will make it easier for you to reach your goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am the friend who is always doling out advice. My friends call me at all times of the day and night to have me weigh in on their issues. That’s fine -- for the most part. What’s tough is when I need to bend someone’s ear but nobody is available. This has happened to me a few times. Now I realize that these people whom I consider to be my closest friends are selfish. They really aren't thinking about me and my best interests, even though I spend most of my time worrying about them. At first, I was mad at all of them, but as I thought about it, I realized it’s my fault. I’m the one at the ready to solve their problems. How can I change this and have somebody who wants to have my back? -- What About Me?

DEAR WHAT ABOUT ME: Step back for a moment and think about your friends. Which ones would you want advice from? Of course you would appreciate anyone being a good listener. Who does listen? But also, is there anyone who gives good advice? If not, consider editing your friend group to include someone who is not accustomed to having you play the role of therapist and who would be happy to be in a more reciprocal relationship.

Also, evaluate how you interact with your current friend group. Could you behave any differently? Offer less advice? Be more part of the group instead of the group’s problem solver? Your friends may not think you want or need their input. You may need to sit down with them and tell them what you need. You may be surprised to learn that they didn’t realize it at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)