DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been single for a while now, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of finding someone new. I want to take this time to focus on myself and what I need. It's important for me to build confidence in myself and know that I can thrive alone if I need to. I know that a major part of being single is learning to create joy for yourself and to appreciate spending time alone, but I don’t know how. How do I make the most of this time in my life? -- Single Again

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: What do you enjoy? Think about that. What do you like to do in your spare time? What have you wanted to do that you haven’t made time for? What makes you smile? Really think about these things and make a list for yourself. Too often we fill our days with work and little else. What if you allocated time several days a week to doing something you like?

I have a friend who has been single for some years now who is one of the most content people I know. She is into gardening and travel and discovering treasures in small towns, and she does a lot of that by herself. She also invites friends to tag along when she feels like adding the company of others. What I have noticed about her is her embrace of the moment by herself. She has no problem sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee and reading the paper or traveling solo to another country and taking a tour of the countryside. You need to find your interests and comfort zones. You may need to create new ones, but you can do it. And who knows? You may meet someone along the way who shares your interests.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't talked to a certain ex-friend in years, so I'm not sure what would be the appropriate response after learning of the death of someone very close to them. It's likely been a difficult time for them, and I want to show some support without seeming intrusive. Would it be better for me to call, or should I just send a card or other token of condolence? What is the formality for such a situation? -- I Still Care

DEAR I STILL CARE: The question you must ask is: Would you want to talk to this former friend if the situation were reversed? If so, you may want to make that clear in whichever way you reach out. A condolence card is a safe way to show your respect. It is also the most benign way of reaching out. It is likely that your friend will receive a lot of cards and will eventually get around to yours. You can leave your phone number on a card with a note saying to call if they need anything.

You can also text your former friend to say that you learned of their loved one’s passing and wanted to be in touch. You can say that if they need anything or want to talk, they should reach out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am embarrassed to say that I suffer from almost all of the chronic health problems that commonly befall Black people in this country. I feel like such a failure in this regard. Outside of my health, I am killing it at work and have a good life. I checked off all the boxes toward success regarding education and building a career and family, but the health part sucks.

I don’t want to tell anybody because it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to be a statistic -- especially after so much hard work. I admit, though, that I have not prioritized exercise or healthy eating the way I should have. I was grinding, trying to make a career for myself. What can I do now without drawing attention to my problems? -- Health Hurdle

DEAR HEALTH HURDLE: Just like you mapped out your career path, you now need to map out a health journey. You can do this with your doctors. They have to keep your health confidential. Ask for their support. Enlist a dietician and a fitness coach, as well. Then make a plan of action with incremental checkpoints and goals that will help you monitor your progress. Rather than being embarrassed, be charged up to get healthier. When you are ready, invite your closest family members and friends to support you. That will make it easier for you to reach your goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am the friend who is always doling out advice. My friends call me at all times of the day and night to have me weigh in on their issues. That’s fine -- for the most part. What’s tough is when I need to bend someone’s ear but nobody is available. This has happened to me a few times. Now I realize that these people whom I consider to be my closest friends are selfish. They really aren't thinking about me and my best interests, even though I spend most of my time worrying about them. At first, I was mad at all of them, but as I thought about it, I realized it’s my fault. I’m the one at the ready to solve their problems. How can I change this and have somebody who wants to have my back? -- What About Me?

DEAR WHAT ABOUT ME: Step back for a moment and think about your friends. Which ones would you want advice from? Of course you would appreciate anyone being a good listener. Who does listen? But also, is there anyone who gives good advice? If not, consider editing your friend group to include someone who is not accustomed to having you play the role of therapist and who would be happy to be in a more reciprocal relationship.

Also, evaluate how you interact with your current friend group. Could you behave any differently? Offer less advice? Be more part of the group instead of the group’s problem solver? Your friends may not think you want or need their input. You may need to sit down with them and tell them what you need. You may be surprised to learn that they didn’t realize it at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: All of a sudden, I got really sick. I woke up one day and felt like garbage. I had so much work to do that I went to work anyway, but then I realized that I needed to take time off to get better. I don’t ever take time off, so my boss was shocked when I said I had to go.

He let me leave, but he constantly called me for information, files or paperwork -- anything he might need. It was hard for me to fulfill his requests because I had a fever and was sick. Finally, I told him I had to turn off the phone for a while so I could take a nap. He got mad at me. Because he was so upset, I came back to work the next day. But now I’m mad. I know I deserve to take time off when I’m sick. How can I get my boss to understand this? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: Start by taking a look at your company handbook regarding sick days. Hopefully, there is a policy in place. If so, you can refer to it when you speak to your boss. If there is not -- which happens sometimes in small companies -- you need to be ready to request time off for yourself, even if it is not prescribed in a formal document.

Speak to your boss. Remind him of how loyal you have been over all of the time that you have worked for the company. Tell him that you did not appreciate, however, that he was reluctant to give you time to heal when you were sick. You jeopardized the staff by going into the office sick, and you compromised your healing by not taking time off. Next time, stay home when you are ill, and turn your phone off after calling in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a group of women who are much younger than I am. Most of them have small children. They are constantly talking about their children’s challenges and concerns, which are interesting -- to a point. After hours of this banter, I’m exhausted. I have older children. When I add my own commentary about how I handled similar situations, sometimes they appreciate it, and other times they look at me like I’m an old woman. I could be hypersensitive here, but I don’t think so. I am not their peer, and it is obvious during these social times. Is there anything I can do to change the conversation occasionally to more neutral ground -- perhaps even work topics? -- On the Outside

DEAR ON THE OUTSIDE: I wonder if there’s anything these young mothers are discussing that could be used to benefit the business? As someone with a different perspective (since you are not of their generation), you can likely point out how the struggles they are going through might translate to the work you do. Consider what topics of discussion you may be able to suggest that could be useful for the company, for the work it does, for efficiency, etc. Ask them whether they think their experiences can translate into efficiencies for themselves and the company. That may get everyone excited.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)