DEAR HARRIETTE: I was overwhelmed when I received an expensive Christmas gift from my friend. I never expected such a pricey present, and it left me feeling very grateful. I felt that I had to do something in return to show my appreciation, but what could match the gesture they made? Buying an equally extravagant gift didn’t seem right, as I would never be able to repay the thoughtfulness behind this one. Perhaps there is a different way I can show my gratitude that doesn’t involve money? Is there something I can do to show them just how much their kind gift meant to me? -- Grateful

DEAR GRATEFUL: Are you so struck by this gift because of how much it cost, or by how thoughtful it was? I ask that because intention matters a lot. Do you think your friend was trying to impress you by purchasing such an extravagant item for you, or do you think sentiment was the driver? You are right that you should not try to compete with the price tag, but you should have a sense of what motivated your friend to reach so far beyond your comfort zone with that gift.

In terms of what you can do to show your friendship, get creative. Think about your friend and what they like, as well as what you can do. What experience can you curate that will be memorable and meaningful? The gift of time is the most precious. Can you plan a day trip where you visit sites that will inspire both of you, where you eat unusual food that you may both enjoy, or where you experience a cultural event that will forever be memorable? Think outside the box beyond dollars and toward shared experience. Let that be your lens.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a therapist, and this is about him. I like him very much. Too much! I haven't been interested in a man for some time. I don’t pursue relationships. I tend to go with the flow. Anyway, I would like things to develop into a friendship and maybe even more -- much more. There’s the conflict of him being my therapist as well as a priest. He was married once; so was I. Should I lay it out -- full disclosure -- with him, or should I just go with the flow like I usually do? He may know how I feel. I don’t know. -- Next Move

DEAR NEXT MOVE: Relationships with therapists can be tricky. On one hand, this is someone you really do need to let your guard down with. For you to grow in your own life, you need to trust this person and share your deepest feelings and experiences. That very naturally can lead to a sense of closeness to your therapist.

Know that he is trained to keep up guardrails so that you can be fully immersive without crossing lines of intimacy. What you are talking about would violate that professional boundary. You need to decide whether you are willing to give up your current professional relationship with him in order to potentially have something more and different. You will need to find someone else to support you as a therapist. He may not want to pursue a romantic relationship with you. Is the risk worth that possibility?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In my dreams the other night, I remembered a troubling conversation I had with someone who used to be a dear friend years ago. This conversation marked the end of that friendship for a lot of reasons. She was so cold and mean when we spoke. I felt like God was judging me through her words. While some of the things she said were true, it was extremely hard to hear.

When the conversation came to me in my dreams, some of her points took on new meaning. While I hated that talk, she pointed out a few things that I should work on. I intend to do so. Do you think I should reach out to her and say something? In the end, her caustic lecture did plant seeds that are sprouting now. I absolutely hated how she talked to me and how judgmental she was. It was awful. But some good is coming of it. Should I tell her? -- Beyond Meanness

DEAR BEYOND MEANNESS: Rather than reopening Pandora's box, extract the lessons that benefit you and move forward. It sounds like your last interaction was a stopping point. There is no need to revisit that or give her credit for anything. Live your life, forgive her in your heart and let go of any animosity you may have felt toward her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can tell that my boyfriend has good intentions, but his manner of speaking to my mother still leaves a lot to be desired. His way of talking is so abrupt, and he speaks to her with little respect for the fact that she’s an elder. I was raised to be more respectful and courteous than that, and it makes me uncomfortable every time he speaks with her. He talks to his own mother the same way, which baffles me even more. Why does he think this behavior is acceptable? How should I approach him about this? -- No Respect

DEAR NO RESPECT: There is something important that you must know and accept: You cannot expect your boyfriend to treat you or your mother any better or differently than he treats his mother. Typically, a man’s mother is the person he reveres the most. How he treats her is a clear indication of how he will likely treat you. If you truly like this man, you absolutely should speak to him about this. You may want to start by getting to know his story better. Ask him about his childhood and his relationship with his mother. Find out, if you can, what their dynamics are like. How did he grow up? What did he learn from her? How did their relationship evolve over time? Be gentle as you ask. If it feels like an inquisition, he will shut down. Tell him you genuinely want to know.

Gradually work to connect the dots. Learn about how he and his mother interact. Eventually, you will need to talk to him about how he speaks to your mother. You may start by describing how you grew up, what your family values are and what expectations exist for how children -- grown or otherwise -- communicate with their elders. Tell him then that it disturbs you when he speaks rudely to your mother. Teach him what your expectations are. Figure out together whether you can agree on shared values for communication. This will help you determine if you two can share a path moving forward. It is possible that he simply needs education.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Instead of a New Year’s resolution, I have decided to repeat something I did last year -- sort of. Last year, I participated in a diet where you completely eliminate sugar for the entire month of January. It helps cleanse your system of all of the toxins that are associated with sugar. The side effect is that you lose weight and, I’m sure, other things. It worked last year, but it felt a bit austere.

This time around, I am eliminating alcohol. I realize that I drink a lot with my family, friends and co-workers, and it has become too much of a habit. I invited several of my friends to join me -- not eliminating all sugar, just alcohol. It’s amazing how touchy this subject is. Most of them thought I was crazy. Two agreed, but only one of them is being serious with me. It is making me question if I have the right friends for me. When the month is over, I don’t know if I want to go back to drinking all the time, but I realize that my friends are drinkers. Do I have to let them go? -- Bad Company

DEAR BAD COMPANY: In Alcoholics Anonymous, they talk about being wary of “people, places and things” that may trigger alcoholic behavior. During this month of sobriety, you may want to consider attending some AA meetings and learning more about the disease of alcoholism so that you can assess whether you see yourself in what you learn. Use this time to explore and discover as much as you can about your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Rather than focusing on those friends who did not choose to get sober with you right now, look at yourself to see how you want to live and what you need to be healthy. It could be that you need to move away from people or situations that trigger certain behaviors in you. It could be that you need to continue on the journey of sobriety beyond 30 days for your own well-being. It could be that you need to set limits on what you do and with whom in the future to protect yourself, even if you decide to rekindle certain relationships. The point is: This is about you and your choices. Stop pointing your finger at them. Point it at yourself and make decisions based on what you need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't believe that my friend cheated on his partner. It's so dishonorable and shows a complete lack of loyalty. How can I trust someone who has no regard for the promises they make? This really casts doubt over our friendship, as it's hard to rely on someone when they can break a promise so easily. I feel disappointed in my friend and want to give him another chance, but it's hard not to question his sincerity from now on. He needs to learn from this mistake and start showing more respect for his commitments. Am I wrong to feel that if my friend will betray his partner, he will betray anyone (including me)? -- Doubting My Friend

DEAR DOUBTING MY FRIEND: It is natural to feel that one betrayal can lead to another. Your friend’s deception can rightfully be enough for you to sever ties with him, but you should talk to him first. Tell him how strongly you feel about the violation of trust. Ask him what he is going to do about it. You may be able to forgive him if his next steps are honorable. If not, it is good for him to learn that his betrayal of his lover cost him your friendship. Consequences are real.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)