DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband got stupid drunk on New Year’s Eve, and his behavior was horrific. We were hanging out with close friends, thank God, but he truly showed his behind. I am completely embarrassed. He was cursing his head off and interrupting people when they talked. At one point, he was trying to grope my friend. It was just out of control. When I spoke to him about it the next day, he shrugged it off. He didn’t remember -- which is not a surprise, given how drunk he was -- so to him, it didn’t happen. This is not the first time my husband has essentially blacked out and acted aggressive and rude. I need this to stop. What can I do? -- Out of Control

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Bring it up again when your husband is sober. Have several examples of his drunken behavior to mention to him. Tell him that this is unacceptable and must stop. Tell him you believe he needs help because when he drinks, his behavior is out of control, rude, aggressive and potentially dangerous. Ask him to go to counseling, attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or talk to someone else to address this.

It is likely that he will shrug it off, in which case you may want to record his behavior the next time he acts out. You can carefully capture his antics on your cellphone and show him later as evidence of your concerns.

Ultimately, you will need to decide if you can live with an out-of-control alcoholic who is unwilling to get help. If he refuses to change his behavior, what do you need to do to protect yourself?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a work friend who moved away for another job a couple of years ago. I have tried to stay in touch with her, but she has never responded. It is weird to me because I thought we were close -- not like best friends, but still close. We have known each other for a long time, and I thought we always had positive feelings for each other. Recently, I got her new work email address and sent her a holiday note. It was very light and simple. I thought that might trigger at least a hello back. Nothing. I can’t think of anything I may have said or done that could have offended her, but if I inadvertently did upset her, I would want to fix that. What else can I do? -- Bewildered

DEAR BEWILDERED: Consider sending one more note to your friend expressing your concerns. Start by saying that you trust that things are going well with her new life in her new city. Then tell her that you miss her and have been attempting to connect with her ever since she left. Ask her if you have done anything to offend her. If you have, apologize, but make it clear that you really are lost as to what occurred to create a chasm in your friendship. Tell her you would appreciate her getting back to you to set your mind at ease. See what happens next. The ball will then be in her court.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was involved in a terrible car wreck early on the morning of New Year's Day. Almost all of my loved ones and close friends either visited me in the hospital or sent flowers. I was really hurt when my best friend didn't visit me in the hospital after my accident. It was like they completely ignored what had happened, which is so unlike them. I thought that out of all people, they would be there for me and show their support. But it seems like I was wrong, and now I'm feeling betrayed and alone. It's been difficult to get over this disappointment and figure out why it happened in the first place. Is there any advice you can give on how to make sense of the situation? -- Car Wreck

DEAR CAR WRECK: Some people freeze in the face of tragedy and do not know how to move forward. There is a chance that this is true for your best friend. It doesn't excuse them, but it could be an explanation. After you are feeling better, if you still have not heard from your best friend, reach out. Ask them what they have been doing so you can learn what’s going on in their life. Tell them briefly about your accident and ask if they knew about it. Then ask why they didn’t come to see you or contact you. Describe how frightening the experience was and how sad you where that they weren’t there to support you. Listen calmly to discover what happened.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed a pattern with my niece that I do not like. I buy Christmas presents for her every year and ship them because she and her family live out of town. I know she gets the things I send because her mother tells me, but she never reaches out to say thank you. Obviously, I do not buy the gifts to receive her gratitude, but for her to say absolutely nothing is just unconscionable to me. This year I sent an array of items from my travels and other things that I thought she would appreciate. In return: crickets. Should I say something or just stop sending her things? This has been going on for several years now. By the way, my niece is almost 30 years old. -- Ungrateful

DEAR UNGRATEFUL: The person in question is an adult who has bad manners. You have no obligation to continue to give an adult any gifts, especially if she doesn’t acknowledge them. If you want, you can contact her and ask her if she liked her presents. If she responds, you can tell her it would have been nice for her to have told you.

You can also reach out to her directly and check in with her; see how she’s doing and what’s going on in her life. Then tell her the truth -- you are disappointed that she has not chosen to acknowledge that you sent her gifts for the holidays. Tell her it is rude and hurts your feelings.

Your third option is to stop giving her gifts and say nothing. She may inquire directly or through her mother as to why. Then you have an opening. Or she may say nothing, and that tradition will have ended.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going out with a nice guy for a few weeks now. I live in Manhattan, and he lives in Queens. On several occasions, we have hung out late. The way I was taught, the man is supposed to make sure that the woman gets home safely. I know that’s old-school, but that’s who I am. I asked him to drop me at my door or to send me home in a car. He looked at me like I was nuts. He said we live in a city with subways that make it possible for everybody to get home easily. He said he would take me home if I was inviting him to spend the night. We aren’t even close to there yet. I’m not quite sure how to react now. I have my values, but am I being too rigid? I asked my friends, and they said they rarely meet a man who is willing to take them home. They said it’s usually not even a conversation. -- See Me Home

DEAR SEE ME HOME: If home delivery is that important to you, make it part of your early dating conversation. Let your potential dates know that if they intend to hang out with you past a particular time, you ask for them to see you home safely -- either in person or in a car service. Know that you may be eliminating a sizeable group of men who do not have the same values as you. You can also make a similar decision that says your dates typically need to end at a particular time, after which you do not feel comfortable taking the subway alone. You may want to decide that you will pay for your car service sometimes so that it doesn’t seem too old-fashioned and you maintain some control over yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Some friends invited my husband and me to dinner at their house. We like them a lot, but we do not like their cooking. Each time we have eaten with them, I have gotten sick, either because the food was too milky -- I am lactose intolerant and they know it, but they cook with cream anyway -- or it was just too rich for our systems. How do we bow out of the home-cooked meal but still spend time with them? -- Not for Dinner

DEAR NOT FOR DINNER: You can try a few things. Ask them if you can come for dessert instead and offer to bring a special treat yourself. If they agree, remind them that you are lactose intolerant so you can’t eat every type of dessert. Give ideas on what you can eat. If they press for you to come for dinner, tell them that you really want to hang out with them, but your dietary restrictions are so severe that you are afraid that you will not be able to eat the delicious food they prepare. You can pivot and ask if they would like to meet at a restaurant that serves food that each of you can eat. Acknowledge that you know how hard it is to cook for you due to your dietary limitations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)