DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm uncomfortable with the all-gender bathroom stalls at work. I was used to the traditional setup, where men and women had separate bathrooms. Having an all-gender bathroom space seems too intimate for me, and it's a bit embarrassing when I need to use the restroom while someone of the opposite gender is in there. I can't help but feel like we're invading each other's privacy by sharing this space. It makes me anxious every time I go into the restroom because I don't know who might be in there. Speaking up about this probably wouldn’t go over well, as gender inclusivity is one of the company's key values, and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers. What should I do? -- Uncomfortable

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Perhaps some perspective will help you here. In many parts of the world, public bathrooms are open to whoever wants to use them, regardless of gender. The thinking is, this makes it convenient for everyone to use the facilities when they need to do so, and the energy around it is neutral. This concept can work well for you as well. For one, it cuts down on lines, particularly for women. It also makes the experience of going to the restroom convenient for all.

I totally understand that since the idea is new for you, it feels awkward. Honestly, I have had occasions when I wished nobody was in the bathroom at the same time as me when I had to take care of business. Do your best to remember that the room is for one use that we all need. Take time to get used to it, and you may no longer feel the desire to complain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to help my friend out financially this Christmas so that she can give her children the holiday they deserve. She lost her primary source of income this year, and she is a single mother. I know that money is tight, and I don't want her to feel embarrassed or offended if I offer it, as she has a great deal of pride. I love my friend, and I love her children, so it hurts me to see her struggle. She never asks for help or accepts when I offer it. How can I approach this in a way that doesn't offend her? -- Christmas Spirit

DEAR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: I received your letter too late to help with purchasing holiday gifts, but I wanted to answer anyway. Given that you know your friend is suffering, why not give her a gift anyway? Get creative so that it doesn’t offend her sense of pride. Perhaps a family membership to the children’s museum in her town or monthly meal vouchers from a food delivery service to relieve her of the stress of cooking every day. Or even an anonymous gift card that she can use in any way she chooses.

Remember, too, that reaching out to talk to her, letting her know you are thinking about her and want to support her in any way, can be worth more than anything.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! Welcome to 2023. In some ways, it feels like it was a blink ago that we entered 2022. I began last year with COVID-19 and had to put all of my plans on pause. I had been so excited about the projects I was about to embark upon and got stopped in my tracks.

That healing time became important for me. I had already been contemplating how I wanted to approach the days ahead. Suddenly, I had more time to think. What came to mind the most were family, health, abundance, creativity and security. When I got healthy, I focused on those things. I definitely had a busy year, but also an intentional one. I made time for the things that mattered most, to the best of my ability.

As we all walk into 2023, let’s do so with focus and intention. Ask yourself what you want for yourself and your world this year. What is important to you? What is not? How have you been spending your time? Is there anything that you have done that isn’t worth carrying over into 2023?

Are there any behaviors, people or things that are no longer valuable to you now? Do you have any regrets about how you have handled relationships, finances or community that give you pause? If so, what will you do about that? So often we complain in our minds and to others about whatever is wrong with our lives. And we regularly blame someone or something else for that thing we don’t like. What if we take a different approach? Notice the thing that doesn’t work and decide how to fix it or let it go. Be proactive.

Taking time to reflect on what you value and what you want for your life right now is a way to ensure that what you want is what you will get. If you don’t take the time to think about it, establish goals and create a strategy to execute your plan, you will end up in a month, six months or a year without having accomplished anything. Be intentional instead.

Here’s what I recommend that can help you meet your goals: Carve out time every day, preferably around the same time of day, to sit quietly and listen to the voice inside. Call it meditation, quiet time or contemplation. Be still and listen to yourself. What messages are you getting from within? Write down whatever comes up, and pay attention to it.

Create a plan for each day; put it on a calendar and execute the plan when you get up. This will keep you organized and accountable for your actions. Break tasks and responsibilities down into manageable parts, and check them off when they are completed. Celebrate small victories daily. Admit your mistakes. Focus on the positive. Pay attention to your physical and mental health. Be aware of what you put into your body and mind -- what you consume and what you think. Do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity or anger. Engage the breath to keep yourself grounded. Get enough rest, and choose to think pleasant thoughts. If you have a big goal or dream that you want to manifest, spend time each day working on it. Let that dream inspire you to get up in the morning and make strides in your day. Life is precious. Treat it like that, and you will have a great year!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with my sister a few months ago. She can be very immature and avoidant when she knows she is in the wrong, so she has not spoken to me at all since we had our argument. I'm starting to worry that our falling-out will have a negative effect on my relationship with her daughter, my 7-year-old niece. This is really my main concern. I am sure that my sister is asking that she not engage with me. I miss spending time with my niece, and I want her to know that our relationship should not be impacted by the petty issues that her mother and I have. How can I make sure that my relationship with my niece will not suffer because of her mother? -- Falling-Out

DEAR FALLING-OUT: You have to look at the big picture, which includes you. Your argument with your sister is not just on her. Something happened between the two of you, and you need to accept some responsibility for whatever that is. It only makes sense that your sister would not want her child to spend time with you if she herself doesn’t want to. You are going to have to work things out with your sister if you expect that you will be able to continue to spend time with her daughter. Don’t put this completely on your sister. The two of you have to work this out together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend works a lot. I realize that when he is working, he hardly ever contacts me. I know he can’t talk while he’s actually on the job, but I do expect to hear from him at night. For the past few weeks, I have hardly heard from him at all. When we have talked, he has kind of blown me off. He has little to say. When I press him about it, he says he is tired and doesn’t like me badgering him. I don’t think he’s messing around. He has been working double shifts sometimes. How can I get him to understand my needs without seeming like the nagging girlfriend? -- No More Nagging

DEAR NO MORE NAGGING: When the two of you are together and can talk face-to-face, let him know that this period has been frustrating to you. Point out that you want to be supportive of his schedule, but you also have needs. Describe the kind of attention that makes you happy. Ask him if he is willing to commit to being more engaged even when he is busy.

You two will need to reach a compromise that you both can manage. This will include you being more understanding when he truly has no time to be in touch and him figuring out little ways that he can communicate with you so you feel connected to him. If you present this to him as something you both can work on, you stand a better chance of finding success. This is not anybody’s fault. Consider it an opportunity for you to discover ways to take care of each other given this tough situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)