DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m dating a man whose ex-girlfriend cannot seem to leave him alone. She follows him around and even shows up at his home unannounced while I’m there. He’s had to call the police on her a few times. It’s getting to the point where I’m concerned not only for his safety, but for my own. What should I do? -- Crazy Ex

DEAR CRAZY EX: Trust your inner voice. Jealous ex-partners can be dangerous. While your boyfriend cannot control his ex, you may want to put your relationship on pause until she calms down. Talk to him about your concerns. Make a plan together that puts both of your safety first. He may need to visit with the police and learn if they have any recommendations for safety precautions. If she doesn’t know where you live, your home might be a safe space, but if she follows him around, that may be dangerous as well.

Ultimately, you need to decide if this relationship is worth risking your safety. That may sound harsh, but sometimes these situations escalate and turn violent. Is this man worth your life?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got drunk and said some mean things to a friend of mine. She and I have had issues in the past, and generally I bite my tongue, but I had had a few too many, and I let her have it. I know this wasn’t nice. It was actually out of control. The thing is, though, what I said is how I feel even though I had never said it all out loud before.

I feel I owe my friend an apology for blurting it all out like that, but I may also owe her the truth, which is that she does upset me in particular ways that I have never told her before. I think it’s time for a heart-to-heart talk, but I’m scared. I’m also embarrassed that it took a drunken rage to get me to have the courage to say anything. Should I tell her? -- Sober Talk

DEAR SOBER TALK: Being honest with your friend when you are alert and sober is the responsible action to take. Start with an apology for spewing all of those thoughts on the day that you did. Acknowledge that being drunk is not a viable excuse for bad behavior. You know better, and you truly are sorry.

Then add the fact that you are also sorry that you never had the courage or could choose the moment to tell her what bothers you about her. Admit that your drunken talk, while vitriolic, did represent your true thoughts. Point out what bothers you about your friend's behavior and how she makes you feel. If you can see any resolution to whatever has surfaced, recommend that. Also give her a chance to talk. Once you clear the air, decide together -- if possible -- how to move forward. This moment of truth could mark the end of your friendship or a fresh start.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is newly engaged to a man that she has been in a relationship with for several years now. They seem very happy for the most part. For my sister’s birthday, we all went out to dinner and had an activity-packed day with a bunch of their other friends. I couldn’t help but notice that one of her fiance’s female friends was being maybe a little too friendly with him. It was subtle, but I’m observant and picked up on it right away. My sister didn’t seem to notice. I’m protective of my sister, and I’m quick to call out anyone or anything that I think could potentially hurt her. I think she should keep an eye on that woman. Should I say something? -- Too Friendly

DEAR TOO FRIENDLY: You should tell your sister objectively what you observed. Rather than worrying about this woman, I recommend that your sister bring it up to her fiance directly. Ask him what their history is: Did they ever date? Does he know that she seems to be attracted to him? Can he put her behavior in check?

It is not unusual for someone in a friend group to have a long-term crush on a member of the group. Her interest does not mean that his feelings are reciprocal. As long as the two in the relationship are on the same page about friends and boundaries, they should be fine. Yes, some friends may have to be let go when you get married, but some can simply be put in their place.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a hair weave for the first time. I love how it looks, but I realize that it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom. I haven’t had a boyfriend for years. Recently, I started dating someone. We were kissing, and he put his hands in my hair. I tensed up a lot. I knew he would instantly feel the tracks in my hair. I stopped kissing and started sputtering as I tried to explain about my hair. That totally killed the moment.

Afterward, I shyly told him that I had never had a weave before and didn’t know how he would react to it. He said he didn’t realize my hair wasn’t real, but he didn’t care. That was a relief, but it still feels a little awkward now. How can I get past my insecurity? I really like my new hairstyle but feel like it’s a hindrance in the bedroom. -- Hair Weave

DEAR HAIR WEAVE: You are part of a very large club, so to speak, of women who have hair weaves, lace-front wigs, traditional wigs and other hair enhancements. Take a deep breath and know that thousands of women have sorted this out successfully.

You have options. You can make your hair off-limits by saying so and gently moving your lover’s hands away from your head when they start traveling there. You can allow him to put his fingers in your hair and discover what’s there. You can make peace with the fact that you have chosen to wear your hair in a particular way that requires a little bit of help beyond Mother Nature. Your guy is going to have to be OK with that, or he’s not your guy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! For those of you who have been with me over the years, you know how much I love this holiday. It is that time of year when family and loved ones come together just to be together. For me, it is also the time of year when my daughter was born. Believe it or not, I started writing this column before she was born. This year, this week, she turns 19. She voted for the first time, and she is away at college. This family gathering will be extra-special because we will be seeing her for the first time in a long time.

Family. For me, family is everything. Family is my heart. My life. My joy. Also, my irritation. My button-pushers. My judgment. Family is everything.

Family represents both the people whose blood we share and those whom we have invited into the covenant consciously: people we have anointed as family. As I am feeling extra-sentimental now, I invite you to do the same. Think of the people whom you call family. Which ones make you smile just seeing their faces? Which ones make you cringe? Which ones do you remind yourself you have to forgive in order to be around them? Which ones are your stray dogs, the ones you gather up on this occasion to ensure that they are taken care of and loved?

Who is your family? And how do you treat them? Many people speak of anxiety that they feel about spending time with family. While that is real for many, your attitude can make a huge difference as to how these encounters unfold. For me, the biggest thing to remember is that I am not 10 years old anymore. I am a mature adult who should remain grounded in the person I am today, not who I was when vying with a sibling as a child. I choose to walk into family gatherings assuming the best for how we will all interact. I decide what I will talk about and what is off-limits in advance so that I don’t get caught off guard. Then I relax.

There’s a mantra that I was taught in my spiritual community, “See God in Each Other.” I practice that actively when I am with my family. Think about it. How would you treat someone if you looked at them and imagined that there is divinity in them? What happens for me is that I look with a softer gaze. I assume the positive in whatever they say or do. I believe that they have something worthwhile to share even if it takes them a bit too long to tell a story. I trust that I am in the right place at the right time with the right people. I practice patience when I am feeling agitated.

It really works to take a breath, look around and choose to see the best in others. It also ignites that same loving glance to travel around the room and become a covenant of goodness, replacing any negativity that may be festering. Try it today. Breathe. Choose to see God in your family. Have a great time!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)