DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is virtually a nomad. He’s always traveling somewhere, hanging out in exotic locales with interesting people. I hadn’t heard from him since the summer but thought nothing of it. When I called, I discovered that he was in the hospital with a medical emergency. I felt so bad that I didn’t know and hadn’t reached out. I know it’s on him to inform his friends or whomever he wants to know about his condition, but we are close. I am bummed about it. Now that I know, I am regularly in touch with him and doing my best to support him in whatever ways I can, but he doesn’t really want help. He is a bit of a loner and has pushed back when I have offered to bring him anything or visit. How can I be a good friend in this situation while also honoring his wishes to keep my distance? -- Tending The Ill

DEAR TENDING THE ILL: Stay in touch. Call him each week to see if he needs anything at all. Send him small items that will make him smile: a book to read, a small memento that recalls happier times, a home-cooked dessert (if his health regimen allows). Periodically you can ask if he will allow you to visit.

You should not spring a surprise visit on him. Allow him to have his privacy and his dignity. You don’t know what’s going on with him, and you don’t know what condition he is in. Respect his desire to keep a distance. Don’t get jealous if you learn that anyone else is allowed to visit. Just continue to let him know that you are available if he needs or wants your help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into an old friend from my hometown recently. He was good friends with my ex-husband. All he wanted to do during the brief time that we chatted was to reminisce about times that we had spent together with my ex. My ex and I had a bad breakup, and he is about the last person I want to talk about. This guy probably doesn’t know that. I didn’t advertise what had happened between us, but that doesn’t change that bad things occurred. It took everything in me not to spill the beans on how my ex had behaved as this guy was going on and on about how great he was. I just bit my tongue and let him talk, but I didn’t like it. How could I have handled that without revealing our history and without having to endure his memories? -- Moving On

DEAR MOVING ON: You could have stopped this guy and told him how nice it was to run into him after all these years. From there you could pivot and say something like, “I know you mean well, but my ex and I have been apart for many years now. I do not want to recall these stories now.” If he persists, you can walk away. There is no etiquette rule that says you have to endure this man’s memories. You can remain kind but firm and remove yourself from his company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've had my current job for about three weeks. It isn't exactly my dream job, but I’ve enjoyed it so far. There is a huge chance that I’ll be leaving soon for a new opportunity that just presented itself to me. At a company party, my current co-workers were telling me all about how much they like me and how much easier I’ve made their lives since I’ve been there. Do you think that they will feel betrayed when I leave? I was hoping to maintain friendships with them even after I move on. -- New Job

DEAR NEW JOB: Stay in the present moment for now. Enjoy your colleagues and continue to bond with them. Do not let on that you may be leaving. Until that happens, it is just an idea. Savor the moments you have with these new friends. Do your best at your job and at cultivating these relationships.

When the time comes for you to leave, make sure your new friends know how much you value getting to know them, and express that you hope to stay close to them after you go. I remember my first job out of college, which I actually hated. The one bonus was that I made a friend for life. I believe I was meant to be there to meet this woman. That may be true for you and this group of people.

On another note, why are you leaving so soon? Being on a job for three weeks is not necessarily enough time to give up on it. Check yourself and your motivations. Make sure you aren’t a quitter. If this just happens to be a stop on your journey, that's fine. But examine your patterns to see what your behavior says about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be in close touch with a woman I met some years back. She is about 20 years older than me, and I like her a lot. We would have brunch or tea a few times a year. In the last few years, we have lost touch. I got busy with work and family, and her husband passed away. I feel bad, though. She is a special person, and I dropped the ball. How can I reconnect with her? I’m feeling embarrassed by my prolonged absence. -- Rekindle

DEAR REKINDLE: Just reach out. Don’t let any more time pass. Chances are, your friend will be thrilled to hear from you. Schedule a time to talk or get together. Listen intently as she fills you in on her life, and let her know what’s happening with you. Tell her how much you miss her and that you want to be in closer touch. Resist feeling guilty. She, too, could have initiated communication with you. Rather than lamenting what you could have done, focus on the present. Make plans that include each other -- and stick to them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am from Los Angeles. Last year, I was in a long-distance relationship with a man from New York City. I hadn’t really been to New York before I started seeing him, but I visited three times last year just to spend time with him. We broke up earlier this year, and I haven’t been back since. Today I was asked to fly to New York for a work trip. I am feeling uneasy about visiting. I have no prominent memories of that city that aren’t linked to happy memories with my ex-boyfriend, and I feel sad at the thought that this time I won’t be seeing him. How do I get over that feeling? -- Work Trip

DEAR WORK TRIP: It is time to create some new memories. If anybody else from work is going, plan dinners out with that person so that you can explore the city a bit. If you are traveling solo, research what’s happening in the city in advance, and select fun things to do in your spare time. You may want to take in a Broadway play or check out a new restaurant -- you can sit at the bar if you are uncomfortable sitting at a table by yourself.

The point is that you have the ability to enjoy New York thoroughly without your former boyfriend. But you have to make an effort. What you don’t want to do is go to the city and stay in your room whenever you are free or visit the old haunts that you shared with your ex.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am Indian, and I have always been proud of my culture. The other day I made Indian food and brought it to my workplace for lunch. While I was eating, one of my co-workers rudely and loudly commented that she cannot stand the smell of Indian food. I obviously took offense to this comment. I asked her to leave the room if she can’t stand the smell of someone else’s food. She later complained to my boss about my “hostile attitude.”

I am due for a meeting with this co-worker and our boss soon to discuss the events that occurred. How do I walk into this meeting with a level-headed approach while I am so offended? What are the do’s and don’ts? -- Rude Co-Worker

DEAR RUDE CO-WORKER: Be an observer first. Let your boss open the discussion, and listen to what your co-worker has to say. Then speak up and share your side. If other people bring lunch, you can point out that you are not unique in bringing lunch to work. While your co-worker may not appreciate your cuisine, you thought it was rude of her to make a disparaging comment about your food. If anything, this co-worker was rude to you. In the end, your boss is going to have to figure out how to be inclusive of all employees and their preferences in a shared eating space. Foods with all kinds of aromas are likely to appear at lunchtime, and it's unfair to single out a certain one for exclusion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)