DEAR HARRIETTE: I think that my boyfriend might be a colorist. The other day I asked him what he likes about me, and one of the things that he named was my “light complexion.” (We are both African American.) This immediately raised a red flag. I always assumed that he liked me for me, not my skin tone. I also don’t like the fact that perhaps if I were a few shades darker, he would not have been interested in me. I don’t think that skin tone ever should have been a factor in his mind. I can’t look at him the same after this revelation. Would I be overreacting if I ended the relationship over this? -- Dating a Colorist

DEAR DATING A COLORIST: We all have preferences. It isn’t innately wrong for your boyfriend to be attracted to you because of how you look. You probably like him, at least in part, because of how he looks. So, yes, it would be overreacting to end your relationship for that reason.

Rather than walking away, dig deeper. Talk to him. Learn about his values, interests and commitment to your culture. Does he harbor strong negative feelings about all darker-skinned people, especially women? It could be that he is just naturally attracted to you without being against other people. Find out where he stands, what his values are and why he believes what he does. Let him know that his comment about your complexion was jarring to you, and that you want to understand more about how he thinks because right now the red flag is waving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was unable to help someone I really care about during a rough patch last year. We were working on the same project, and lots of things went wrong. The boss of the project hired her as a social justice hire, I think. She is a very talented African American woman, but different from workers they have hired in the past. She never felt accepted or valued. I couldn’t help to make things smooth for her, as much as I tried from my consultant role. Both of us are long gone from the project, but she basically doesn’t speak to me anymore. I value her a lot. How can I mend this fence? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Do your best to get to the bottom of why this woman has chosen to keep her distance from you. Reach out to her and ask if you can talk. Tell her that you are sorry that things got rocky when you were last together, and that you want to clear the air. This will let her know that you are looking for an honest and frank conversation.

Be prepared to hear exactly what’s on her mind. Since she has distanced herself from you, chances are, she believes you are somehow connected to the way that she was treated at the former job. Go back through your memories to try to recall your involvement, what worked and what didn’t work. Be honest when you talk to her about what you believe about that job, and be willing to listen to her side.

Have forgiveness and reconnection as your goals. Let her know that you want to rekindle your bond. See how she responds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve been finding myself with a lot of free time during the day. I work remotely, but the company that I work for is in a completely different time zone than me. My workday begins before everyone else's, but it also ends before everyone else's. I want to fight the fatigue that working in a different time zone gives me and make the absolute most of my day. How can I ensure my productivity when I have free time? -- Free Time

DEAR FREE TIME: Thanks to the various quarantines of the pandemic, thousands of people now work remotely. On one hand, it can be great. It allows people like you to work for companies in other time zones. On the other, it can disrupt one’s rhythm, sleep pattern and daily schedule.

What you need to do is create a plan for your life and then implement it. Step back for a moment and consider what you want for yourself. What are your short-term and long-term goals? What do you like about your job? What can you do to improve your circumstances there? What more do you want in life? Evaluate your self-care regimen, if you have one. How often do you exercise? What and when do you eat? What are your extracurricular interests? How often do you engage in the things that you value outside of work?

Once you have identified what you care about, begin to add some of those activities into your weekly routine. For example, add some form of exercise to your day. Schedule time once a week or month when you visit with friends. Select a long-term project to tackle, and write it into your calendar so that you work on it daily and make it happen. By writing your goals on a calendar, you will create a better opportunity to implement them. Track your activity and see if you become more mindful of your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling-out with someone I was close with for years. We parted ways almost a year ago, but it almost makes me a little sad to admit that my life has been more peaceful without them. They seem to still be angry with me, though, and it’s obvious. I feel sorry for them. I’m so over the situation, and they are still so upset about it. What should I do? -- Over It

DEAR OVER IT: Let it be. Stop checking to see what this person is grumbling about, and live your life. Your parting of ways clearly was the best thing for you. You may simply need to accept that things are better now without seeking resolution for your former friend.

To ease your mind, review your relationship. What prompted your separation? What did you do that may have been hurtful? Is there anything for which you should apologize? If so, you may want to reach out to this person to say that you are sorry for whatever you did to hurt them, but proceed with caution. It may be better just to let it be. Over time, this person may be able to release the bitterness. Since you now feel free, enjoy that and live your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is Halloween again, and I am still a bit skittish about allowing my children to go trick-or-treating. I know that most people aren’t wearing masks anymore and people are trying to get back to normal, but COVID-19 is not gone. I worry that the kids might get candy that isn’t properly wrapped and that they may be in too close of proximity to other people. I have given in and allowed them to get costumes. We are hosting an event at our house for their friends, but they still want to go door-to-door. How can we do that safely? -- Trick or Treat

DEAR TRICK OR TREAT: Many parents are nervous about this time of year every year. COVID-19 just adds to the stress. It’s great that you are hosting your own event where you have some control over who your children will be around.

It’s also perfectly understandable that they want to do more. Incorporate a mask into their costumes. This way, even when they are around other people, they will be wearing some protection. Go with them as they move from door to door. Make a rule that they cannot eat anything until they bring home their candy and you can look it over. When you sort the candy, show them what has to be tossed and tell them why so that they learn about food safety.

If they have to throw away something they particularly love, don’t give in. You can offer to purchase that item for them another day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few close girlfriends and I recently went out of town for a trip that we had been planning for months. We rarely get to spend time together anymore because of how busy we all are with our jobs and kids.

The problem was that when we got there, some of my friends turned our girls' trip into a trip that revolved around random men. They were going out of their way to hang out with complete strangers, even at times inviting them on our excursions and to dinner with us. It totally put a damper on the trip and caused a lot of tension among all of us.

Now that we are all back home, I want to have a group call with the girls to discuss why what they did was uncool. How do I go about this? -- Girls Trip

DEAR GIRLS TRIP: The best-case scenario would be for all of you to be in the same space when you talk, but a video call can work if necessary. Call it a “vacation debrief.”

Start by asking what each person liked about the trip. Give everyone time to express their feelings. Then ask what didn’t work. If nobody brings it up, speak to the elephant in the room. Explain how disturbing it was to you that several friends invited random men into your group, which put a damper on your time together. Get them to talk about it.

Chances are, they will be defensive. Hear them out. Suggest that if you ever do a girls’ trip again, you make rules about other people’s involvement.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)