DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are more conventionally attractive than I am, and it's been weighing on my self-esteem a bit. When we go out together, all the attention is given to them, and I am treated as if I’m not even there. I’m starting to dread going out with them a little bit because I get treated so much differently than they do. How do I go out and have a good time with my friends without letting these things bother me? -- Treated Differently

DEAR TREATED DIFFERENTLY: When you are out and about with your friends, keep your eyes open for the people who find you interesting. Chances are, there is someone at the event who sees you for who you are, independent of them. But do you see that person? If you are so busy noticing and comparing how your friends and you are treated by others, you may be overlooking the people who are noticing you.

You might also consider breaking off from the group for part of your time out. Walk around and take it all in. Who do you see? Who interests you? Look beyond the superficial. Check out people to see what you like about them, what unique qualities attract you. When you are not standing in the midst of your friend group, you may be able to see better, and others may be able to notice you more fully.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends from childhood just got a huge promotion at her job. I’m sure it’s because she did everything she could to be in the right position for it, including going back to school, getting her Ph.D. and working her butt off.

I'm an entrepreneur. Though I have worked hard, the payoff has not been consistent. For a few years, I was doing really well. Then dips in the economy hurt my bottom line. I never went back to school. I just dug in and worked more. What do I have to call my own now? Not much. I feel deflated. Just as my friends are being celebrated, I am scraping for pennies, or at least that’s how it seems. How can I be proud of my friend and not be ashamed of myself? -- What Happened

DEAR WHAT HAPPENED: Stop comparing yourself to your friends. You can genuinely be proud of your friend’s accomplishments and let her know how you feel. Celebrate her and all that she has achieved. Speak to all of the things she sacrificed and did in order to reach this point. Give her her flowers. She deserves them.

When you turn the lens on yourself, be compassionate. Review what you have done and what has been successful. Also note what hasn’t worked and why. Evaluate what you think the future can look like for you and whether you need to make any changes. Should you look for a job? Should you tweak your business model? What kind of support do you need? Rather than wallowing in self-pity, determine next steps needed to fortify your future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I found out that I was pregnant about three months ago. This will be my first child, and I’m extremely happy about it. I’ve told a few immediate family members and my very best friends about my pregnancy, but for some reason, I’m feeling embarrassed about telling anyone outside of that. I’m not sure what exactly I’m feeling embarrassed about. I think it might be the fact that I’m not married or in a relationship with the person I am having a baby with. How do I get over this feeling? -- Expecting

DEAR EXPECTING: It is understandable that you are feeling a bit uneasy, given that you seem to subscribe to traditional family values that call for a woman to be married before having a child. Since that is not your story now, you have to let go of that narrative.

The blessing is that you are pregnant and have decided to have this child. Next steps for you should include creating your village of family, friends and loved ones who will want to help you in whatever ways you need. Rearing a child on your own will be challenging. You will need all kinds of help. It’s best to let your people know your situation. Then you can figure out over the next few months who you believe will be there for you.

As you get closer to birth, get more specific. Invite interested friends to help you in particular ways. Trust that this will prove invaluable when you are learning how to care for your baby while working and dealing with life.

How you get over the shame is by getting to work on a plan to care for your baby. Replace the shame with action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a subscriber to a couple of beauty boxes for the past few years. What I realized the other day is that I have way too many beauty products, and most of them are unopened. I was thinking of hosting a beauty sale to help clean out my house and make a few dollars. It would be like a yard sale, but with beauty stuff only. I wouldn’t sell anything that has already been opened, of course. My boyfriend thinks this is a silly idea and that nobody will come. What do you think? -- Beauty Sale

DEAR BEAUTY SALE: Take a poll among your friends in your community and at work. Get a sense of who might be interested in picking up a few beauty items at a discount. For it to work, your prices need to be low. Create a fun event where folks gather, talk and shop. You can serve light refreshments to help make it more festive. And play up the low prices. In your promotion, make it clear that they are never-used, unopened beauty products at a deep discount. Ask your friends to invite their friends.

If the event doesn’t appeal to your boyfriend, by the way, don’t force him to come. Welcome the people who will appreciate it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend's parents are getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage, and she’s taking it pretty hard. To be completely honest, I didn’t really think it would be a big deal for her. She’s always told me that her parents seem unhappy and that she would not like to be in a marriage like theirs.

We are both in our 20s. She is in college but lives at home during breaks. My parents got a divorce when I was a kid, and I always had a pretty logical understanding of why it needed to happen. When I tell her that the divorce is probably for the best, she calls me insensitive. I have no real idea how she's feeling since I don’t have a strong memory of my parents being together. I also cannot understand why she would be upset with their decision to split. How do I show her the proper emotional support? -- Dealing With Divorce

DEAR DEALING WITH DIVORCE: The best thing you can do right now is listen. It is impossible for you to have advice for your girlfriend during this time. She probably doesn’t want it anyway. She needs your support, your ability to show compassion, your patience and your love.

Even though she knew her parents were destined for divorce, that’s totally different from seeing it happen. There is a lot to be sorted out. Who will live where? How will her relationship with each of her parents change? Where will she stay when school isn’t in session? What will life be like now? There is so much uncertainty that directly affects your girlfriend. That is likely what’s freaking her out. She needs time to see how it plays out, how the dynamics change between her and her parents, and how she can be comfortable again. So be there for her. Do not give advice. Let her know you aren’t going anywhere.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two children in middle school. I feel like I am doing way too much for them. Even though they are still young, I feel like I shouldn't have to wake them up every day for school or force them to do homework and chores. These are basic things that are part of life, and I have been reminding them like I’m a broken record or something. I worry, though, that they will get into trouble if they don’t show up to school on time or don’t finish their homework. How can I draw the line between being helpful and being overbearing? -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: Set goals for your children that have measurable outcomes. Think of a prize they will receive if they wake themselves up every day of the next full week of school. Make it something desirable, but not too valuable. The same goes for completing homework. Withhold video games, smartphones and other devices until all homework is completed. You can continue to review the homework, but you won’t have to hover if an incentive is in place. As for chores, no extracurricular activities are up for discussion until the basic at-home tasks are completed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)