DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two siblings who live far away from the town we grew up in. I am the main caregiver for my ailing father. I live nearby, and naturally I assume the primary leadership role in making sure he’s cared for and goes to his doctors’ visits, sees me and my kids regularly, everything. I’m fine with that. I knew it would be this way when I was the only one who stayed in town after we all grew up. My issue is that my siblings act like they are doing so much to help my dad. Whenever we are together or even talking to others, I hear them say how hard caregiving is for my dad and what sacrifices they are making. Really? I don’t see them doing much of anything for him. One of them calls daily. The other one calls infrequently. I’m not mad at them about the amount they contribute, but it made me angry to hear them boast like they are doing a lot. There’s plenty more they could do -- even from a distance -- but they don’t. Should I address this? -- Caretaking
DEAR CARETAKING: Take a deep breath. You are in the thick of your father’s situation, so it’s natural that you would be sensitive on this topic. Your siblings probably do feel the emotional strain of your father’s decline and the chasm that is created by the distance. They also may not know what else they can do to support him -- or you. This is your opportunity to tell them.
Rather than chastising them for exaggerating how much they are doing, invite them to do more. As the primary caregiver, call a meeting and tell them that it is time for them to be more actively involved. Tell them specific tasks they can fulfill, and get them to agree to pitch in.