DEAR HARRIETTE: My young adult child finally moved out of my house this summer. He finished college a few years ago and has just gotten on his feet with a job. It looks like he is starting his life off well. The issue I’m having is that he left his room a mess. Not only is it not tidy, but he left all kinds of stuff behind, everything from old CDs to clothing, books and random other stuff. I do not want to have to keep his door closed. In fact, I want to convert his room into a guest room. He will be allowed to stay there if he visits overnight, but he still lives in our town, so that is unlikely. I know he will be upset if I dump his stuff, but something’s got to give. How should I get him to take action? -- Clean It Out

DEAR CLEAN IT OUT: Give your son a deadline for coming to empty his room, and be crystal clear about it. Tell him that you are about to convert his room into a guest room. Make sure he knows he is welcome to use it when he visits, but it will no longer be his. Note the date after which you will clear out his room. Tell him and email or text him the date so that he has clarity on your plan. Ask him to come help you remove the contents of the room. Point out that whatever he doesn’t collect will be donated or discarded.

A week before the date, remind your son of your plan to dump the room’s contents. Urge him to help you. He filled the room. You should not be responsible for emptying it on your own. If he doesn’t show, get help and get rid of the items.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was so engaged in the political theater of our world that I got overwhelmed. Ever since January, I have not paid as close attention. I know that’s not right, and I see the impact on my kids. They were accustomed to my husband and me debating the actions of the former president or the status of the United States Supreme Court. We did get riled up about Roe v. Wade, but we haven’t been involved much. I want my children to be part of the political process. How can we get our interest back? -- Political Burnout

DEAR POLITICAL BURNOUT: Many people have gotten worn out by the intensity of politics in the past few years, regardless of their political affiliation. But the beauty and gift of the United States is that we do have the right to talk about and engage in the political system. This is not true in some parts of the world. Get creative to get back in the game. You may want to look at the international headlines and encourage your children to learn about governments in other parts of the world. Compare their rights to ours. Look at the issues we share with other countries and those that are different.

Pay attention on a local level. Invite your kids to go with you to city council meetings and other local political events so that they can learn about how government works where you live. Research local and national organizations that align with your values, and consider joining. You do not have to be glued to the television, agonizing over the daily headlines. Get involved.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been treating me completely differently since I lost my job. I had a great job that paid very well, but unfortunately I was laid off about two months ago. I haven’t been able to find a new job yet, but I am on the hunt and searching aggressively.

After being laid off, my girlfriend and I had to make a lot of budget cuts. I can no longer afford to take her on expensive dinner dates for the time being, and it’s looking like we might have to downsize our apartment. I can’t help but feel that my girlfriend is losing some respect for me now that I’m unemployed. She’s been acting completely rude and annoyed with me for the past few weeks. It’s as if my lack of income directly impacted her feelings for me. It could also be the fact that I’m spending more time at home with her, so we’re around each other 24/7. I’m not sure what to think. How do I approach her about this? -- Lost My Job

DEAR LOST MY JOB: Job loss is at the top of the list of life stressors, so it’s not unusual that you two would be having difficulties right now. What you need to do is create a plan that you both agree to follow. But before that, talk about your feelings. Tell your girlfriend that you have noticed a decided behavioral change in her. Acknowledge how hard this period is for both of you and that you are doing your best to find a new job. But point out that the way she is acting is troublesome to you. Give her examples of when she is rude to you so that she can see exactly what is troubling you. Ask her what she is feeling and what she wants to do about it. Ask her directly whether or not she wants to stay with you. As challenging as it may be if she wants to jet, you are better off knowing now.

The notion of “for better or for worse” is worth contemplating right now, even though you two are not married. What is your commitment to each other? If she is unwilling to walk through this dark period with you hand in hand, she may not be the partner you need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have met the most terrific man, and I think I’m falling in love. He is so attentive and charming. I find myself looking for flaws in this man because he seems too good to be true, but I can’t find anything wrong. Should I just relax and enjoy him, or is “too good to be true” a red flag? -- Terrific Man

DEAR TERRIFIC MAN: Why not enjoy the ride? Look for and celebrate the positive aspects of your relationship. Take the time to get to know him. What does he care about? What are his interests? What makes him happy? What makes him sad? What are his values? Talk about these things. Don’t be so quick as to tell him everything you care about. Listen to him so that you can learn his original thoughts before he co-signs yours. Be patient and see how things unfold. He may simply be great. He will still have flaws, but they don’t necessarily have to be catastrophic.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine passed away recently. She was loved and very popular, so a lot of people have been devastated by her loss. Some people have chosen to grieve publicly, but I have not. A lot of people that are publicly mourning my friend were NOT close with her while she was alive, so it feels as if they are using her death for sympathy or attention. I hate watching it happen, and I know my friend would have hated it, too. Should I start calling out people about their fake mourning? -- Fake Grief

DEAR FAKE GRIEF: Don’t be so quick to judge these other people and how they are reacting to your friend’s death. While they may not have been close to her the way you were, it is quite possible that they felt a connection to her or what she represented for them. When people die, it triggers a wide range of emotions. I often hear of people who will admit that they weren’t close to someone even though they were dramatically affected by the person’s passing.

Stop focusing on those other people. Focus inward instead. Allow yourself to grieve for your friend. Remember the good times you had with her and what made your bond special. Don’t begrudge others for what they are claiming or feeling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend group made up of about five people. I realized the other day that I’m not particularly close with a certain friend in the group, and we don’t really spend any one-on-one time together. Whenever we are alone, it gets awkward. How do I connect with the friend in the group I’ve never bonded with? -- Superficial Friendship

DEAR SUPERFICIAL FRIENDSHIP: There are often varying degrees of closeness in groups as large as five people. That is natural. Think back on how the connection began with them. Who brought them in? What are their interests? Do you share any of their interests? Could it be that they are truly a peripheral friend rather than a bestie? Whatever is true is fine. You just need to figure it out so that you engage them accordingly. Maybe it’s best if they show up only when certain other members of the group are present.

If you want to get closer to this friend, that’s fine, too. You will first need to think of what you two share that is worth bonding over. If you want more than a superficial relationship, consider carefully what you want to build upon. Ideally it would be something positive, not gossiping about others or getting into people’s private affairs in any way.

With an idea in mind, reach out to your friend. Get together and let them know that you realize that you two do not talk as much as you would like. Ask if they would like to spend more time together. Suggest an activity that you think you might bond over. And see what happens. If you don’t naturally grow closer, that’s OK. It’s perfectly fine for you to be part of a group friendship but not a one-on-one bond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)