DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been treating me completely differently since I lost my job. I had a great job that paid very well, but unfortunately I was laid off about two months ago. I haven’t been able to find a new job yet, but I am on the hunt and searching aggressively.
After being laid off, my girlfriend and I had to make a lot of budget cuts. I can no longer afford to take her on expensive dinner dates for the time being, and it’s looking like we might have to downsize our apartment. I can’t help but feel that my girlfriend is losing some respect for me now that I’m unemployed. She’s been acting completely rude and annoyed with me for the past few weeks. It’s as if my lack of income directly impacted her feelings for me. It could also be the fact that I’m spending more time at home with her, so we’re around each other 24/7. I’m not sure what to think. How do I approach her about this? -- Lost My Job
DEAR LOST MY JOB: Job loss is at the top of the list of life stressors, so it’s not unusual that you two would be having difficulties right now. What you need to do is create a plan that you both agree to follow. But before that, talk about your feelings. Tell your girlfriend that you have noticed a decided behavioral change in her. Acknowledge how hard this period is for both of you and that you are doing your best to find a new job. But point out that the way she is acting is troublesome to you. Give her examples of when she is rude to you so that she can see exactly what is troubling you. Ask her what she is feeling and what she wants to do about it. Ask her directly whether or not she wants to stay with you. As challenging as it may be if she wants to jet, you are better off knowing now.
The notion of “for better or for worse” is worth contemplating right now, even though you two are not married. What is your commitment to each other? If she is unwilling to walk through this dark period with you hand in hand, she may not be the partner you need.