DEAR HARRIETTE: When you first look at me, you probably cannot tell that I am biracial. I am definitely white passing. I have very fair skin and straight hair. I don't really feel the need to tell new people in my life that I am half-Black unless it comes up naturally in conversation.

The other day I was having a conversation with a new friend, and she made a slightly offensive joke about Black people. I am no longer sure that I want to be her friend after that talk. Maybe if she knew that I am Black, she wouldn't have felt comfortable making that joke. Should I distance myself from her, or should I try to have a conversation about the racially charged joke that she made? -- New Friend

DEAR NEW FRIEND: My uncle was white passing. He told many stories of being in the company of white people who would say disparaging things about Black people. His strategy was to listen, get a sense of their thinking and then challenge them at a moment that could possibly be eye-opening. You will need to decide how you will address racism, especially when it’s in your face because people do not know your identity.

Before ending this friendship, confront your new friend. Let her know that you did not appreciate the joke that she made. Remind her of what she said and ask her why she thought that was a good idea. Push her to share her thoughts about Black people and people who are different than she is in general. Don’t reveal your identity at first. Just listen. When the time feels right, share who you are and that her comment hurt your feelings. Begin an honest conversation and see where it goes. That will tell you whether the two of you should remain friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I babysat for the sweetest couple ever, but their children were a complete nightmare. I was already on the fence about having kids, and I thought that babysitting for a long period of time would be a good way to get some experience. The kids that I ended up babysitting were absolutely awful and furthered my hesitancy about having kids of my own. I no longer feel that I am prepared for that type of responsibility. Could this be an overreaction on my part? -- Hesitant

DEAR HESITANT: Do not let these children influence your decision to have your own. Yes, children can be a lot of work, and they surely require a lot of attention and care on the part of their parents and caregivers, but children’s behavior is dramatically influenced by what their parents teach them. They have to be taught how to behave, how to treat others, how to move through space, how to be productive human beings. They have to be taught boundaries and even how to play fairly. Left to their own devices, who knows how their self-conduct will turn out?

Without judging these children’s parents, I can tell you that the children you babysat did not get to be a “nightmare” all on their own. Don’t give up on your own potential to have a wonderful family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I honestly feel that I have been bending over backward to make my partner happy, but they haven’t done the same for me. I realize that I am constantly asking them what they want from our relationship, but they never reciprocate. Should I be worried that my partner has not asked me what I want out of the relationship? There are so many things that I want, but I never even get the chance to mention them. -- Ask Me

DEAR ASK ME: The mistake you are making is waiting to be asked. You are either the more verbal person in the relationship or the more interested. Let’s assume more verbal for a moment. If you have the ability to get your partner to open up and share what they want, that’s great. But that cannot be the end of the conversation. Rather than waiting for them to ask, start telling them stories about yourself and the things you care about. Do not lash out at your partner and complain because they don’t ask you. That will only start an argument and put you on opposite sides of the fence.

Be kind and descriptive. Illustrate your desires to your partner clearly and emphatically so that you leave no question about it. If you like something, let them know it. You can also directly ask for what you want. Go for it. If you don’t, you can be mad later that you aren’t getting what you believe you deserve.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am strongly considering having a baby without a partner. I don't want to wait for anybody to give me what I want in this life. My family is constantly expressing the challenges that can arise when someone is raising a child as a single parent, but nobody is telling me about how rewarding it can be. I am not rich, but my biological clock is ticking, and I do not want to risk being unable to have a child in the future. I want to have one now. Is it a bad idea to have a child without a partner? -- Single Parent

DEAR SINGLE PARENT: You will not be the first or the last person to be a single parent. Is it hard? Sure. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. What you need is a plan. Do not think of yourself as an island. You need to assemble your community -- your village -- of people who agree to have your back as you bring a child into this world. These can be parents, siblings, cousins, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Identify the people you trust who can and want to be there for your child. By the way, they don’t all have to be available now. One person may be perfect when your child is an infant while others may be great when it’s time to look for a job. Everyone can have a role. You just have to plan it out and talk to people to enlist their support. Then remind them as you get closer to the time when you’ll need them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Many of my friends are about to be empty nesters, including me. My son is graduating from high school and moving away for school. The same goes for the kids of three of my closest friends. We are all in a bit of a panic about what life will be like after our kids are gone. We are all married, but that doesn’t necessarily mean everything is perfect. My husband and I bicker all the time. I don’t know how much I will be able to tolerate after our son, our buffer, is gone. What do you recommend? -- No More Buffer

DEAR NO MORE BUFFER: I’m in the same boat as you, so I have started interviewing parents of older children who have already gone through this process as well as a few psychologists. The advice has been consistent: You have to make a plan for what your life will be like after your child is gone. What do you want for yourself and for your marriage? How will you spend the time that you once focused on your child? One psychologist suggested that it is important to look beyond work responsibilities. While it may be easy to fill your schedule with work, that is not a long-term solution. You need to find activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together as well as things that you can do on your own for your personal fulfillment. Do not delay. Start now!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to go on a work retreat with my new job. I read the agenda and saw that there will be a lot of outdoor sports activities. I am overweight and, sadly, move slowly. They don’t necessarily know this because we met during the pandemic and they have seen me from the shoulders up only.

Part of me feels like I just shouldn’t go to the retreat. I don’t want to be embarrassed when people look at me and see I’m not fit. I do great work, but being physically present has always been hard for me. Working from home and looking at people through Zoom worked great for me. This is totally different, and I feel self-conscious, but I want to be a team player. If I go, I have to tell them about my limitations. I don’t want to be judged, though. How should I handle this? -- No Sports

DEAR NO SPORTS: Speak to your boss and be honest about what you can and cannot do. Find out if they can make accommodations for you during the athletic time. Legally, they should ensure that anyone who is unable to participate in planned activities has alternative options. You may be surprised to learn that you are not the only one who has trepidation around the sports plans. Stand up for yourself. Explain that you want to be there as an active participant, but your body is not ready for the sporting events.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)