DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it bad that I want my friends to pick a side after my breakup? I started dating my best friend years ago. We worked so well because we had all of the same friends. Dating came naturally to us. Now that we have broken up, it definitely makes hanging out in the same friend group awkward. I think that to avoid the discomfort, our friends should pick a side. They wouldn’t have to completely lose one of us as a friend, but they would have to choose who they have more loyalty to. Would it be wrong to ask them to do this? -- Pick a Side

DEAR PICK A SIDE: I do not recommend this strategy. It will feel like an ultimatum to your friends, and they will not like it. Instead, address the elephant in the room directly when you talk to your friends one on one or when you are all together. Tell them that you know how uncomfortable it is right now that you and your ex have broken up. Since all of you are so close, it has caused a rift in your friendship.

Admit that you aren’t sure what the way forward looks like. You may want to offer that you do not want to talk about the breakup or speak badly of your ex to them. You want your friend group to remain neutral territory. Ask for their patience and support as you all figure out how to be together in the coming days and weeks. Naturally you will see who rises to be closer to you. Don’t try to force it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine got married in a small, intimate ceremony over the weekend. She told me that it was just family. I saw a few pictures from the ceremony online, and I noticed people that she is not related to. The “just family” thing wasn’t the truth. Perhaps this means that we are not as close as I thought? Should I continue a friendship with this person? -- No Invite

DEAR NO INVITE: Weddings top the list of stressors for many people. Because they are so expensive, one of the most difficult parts is managing the guest list. People almost always end up being eliminated from the list, usually because of the budget. Even so, it can feel personal. Does the fact that you weren’t invited mean that you are not this person’s friend? I don’t think so. More likely, it means whoever was paying the bill had a limit, and they couldn't fit you in. That hurts, yes, but do your best not to take it personally.

Due to COVID-19, many weddings were delayed. Now there is a wave of weddings occurring, and the costs are skyrocketing. Forgive your friend for not inviting you. Allow her to settle into her new life with her spouse. If you want to stay in touch with her, reach out and see what happens from there. Don’t hold a grudge just because you didn’t make the guest list.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. She recently told me that she still has a lot of the gifts that an ex-boyfriend gave her. I got a lot of pushback from her when I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she still has the gifts. I think that her unwillingness to part with them may signify an emotional attachment to the items -- and thus an emotional attachment to the person who gave them to her. Could I be overthinking this? -- Throw Them Out

DEAR THROW THEM OUT: Start by assessing what the gifts are. I wouldn’t automatically say that your girlfriend is holding on to old feelings about her ex because she has some stuff he gave her. It could simply be that she likes the things. Ask her and listen to what she has to say. I would be worried if she seems to go down memory lane when she speaks of her ex or of the items in question.

The reality is that if you date someone who previously was with someone else, it is likely that the person may have items from the ex. Even more, there surely are memories of their times together. You may want to know a bit about what she liked about this person, how they spent their time and why they broke up. Rather than automatically wanting her to expunge any memory of him from her life, learn about her past. Allow her to learn about yours as well, and see where this path of mutual discovery leads you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I are together probably 80% of the time. I spend pretty much every weekend with her, and we see each other most weeknights. It is rare that I make plans without her, but it does happen. Sometimes I would prefer to do certain things without her. She doesn’t seem to want to do anything without me, though, so I don’t think she fully understands this concept. How do I make her understand that I don’t always want to include her in my plans without making her feel like our friendship is unimportant? -- Always Together

DEAR ALWAYS TOGETHER: You have created high expectations that likely make your friend believe that you two do everything together. You may want to start by reducing the amount of time you are together. What about having some alone time, just for you? That would be beneficial for your life anyway. You can let her know that you need to be alone sometimes. After you create space for yourself, it will be easier for you to spend time with others without her trying to account for your every step.

You will need to tell her that you go out with others sometimes so that her feelings aren’t crushed when she discovers this. She may not understand, but you need to attempt to get her to accept that you love her and enjoy her company -- and you also enjoy spending time with others.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a self-employed hairdresser. A little while ago, I gave an acquaintance a new-client discount because I am good friends with the girl who referred me to her. Not long after, she complained to our mutual friend that I overcharged her for my services. What I charge is very reasonable considering what other hairdressers in the area charge, plus I gave her a 25% discount even though I hardly know her. She tried to book with me again recently, and I declined because she slandered my business. Was it unprofessional of me to turn her away? -- Entitled Client

DEAR ENTITLED CLIENT: It was not wrong of you to turn away this client, but what might have been better would be to talk to her. It’s not too late for that even now. You should call her. Apologize for not being able to give her the recent appointment she asked for. Before getting off the phone, ask if she can take a few minutes to talk to you. If so, ask her how she liked your services the last time she came to you. If your mutual friend gave you permission to mention this woman’s complaint, tell her that you heard that she was unhappy with the cost of services. Point out that you gave her a 25% discount.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son’s health issues make me very nervous about him potentially moving out. He is 25 now, and he has been talking about getting his own place for quite some time. He doesn’t need my permission to move out, but I’ve practically begged him not to go because his health issues are so unpredictable. I feel better that I’m able to keep a watchful eye on him and be there if he needs me. I know that I cannot make him stay forever, but I have no idea how to let him go. I fear for the worst if he leaves. How can I get over this fear? -- Nervous Mom

DEAR NERVOUS MOM: Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to be independent. That is true even when your child has challenges, such as health issues. You may think you are doing the right thing by keeping him with you, but that is not necessarily true. Since your son is pressuring you to allow him to move out on his own, you need to let him. Suggest that he talk to his doctor about how he can live independently and what precautions he should put in place to protect himself. Let him go on that appointment without you. He needs to exercise his own agency as he figures out next steps. You can help him to set himself up in an independent space, but do not hover. He should have all medical emergency information handy, including where the local hospital is. And then let him be.

I have witnessed parents who have coddled their adult children who have disabilities, illnesses and other challenges. Rarely does this work out best for the adult child. Stop doing it. Let your son live his life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)