DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are getting older. I try to stress the importance of spending time with them to my middle school-age kids, but I don’t think that they fully understand. It makes me so sad that my kids aren't spending a whole lot of time with their elderly grandparents. My father is in his 90s and has been sick for a while. How do I tell my kids that they need to spend time with their grandparents without sounding too harsh? I would hate for them to look back and regret not seeing them as often as they could. -- Aging Parents

DEAR AGING PARENTS: Build time into your children’s schedules to spend with your parents. Make it obligatory. Pick a frequency that works for their lives, perhaps once or twice a month, that they visit your parents. Your kids could even help your parents with chores or other small tasks. Get them excited about documenting family history. Suggest that they interview their grandparents about their past. They can ask them to tell stories about their lives when they were growing up, or about you as a child. Elders often enjoy talking. Your children can record the interviews if they want. They will treasure those recordings later.

You can also invite your parents over for dinner on a regular basis. Create a routine of engagement so that your children naturally participate in activities with their grandparents without being guilted into making time for them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I were having casual girl talk the other day when it took an unexpected turn. She told me about some awful things that have transpired in her relationship with a man she’s been dating for years and to whom she recently got engaged. She confided in me about times that he has cheated on her and has been verbally abusive toward her. She was very emotional at the time and made me promise not to repeat the things that she told me.

Despite that conversation, my sister still plans on marrying her fiance. I cannot act like she didn't tell me the things that she told me. I completely detest the idea of the two of them getting married now. I want to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life. How do I help her understand that she's making a mistake without betraying her trust and making her regret telling me? -- Don’t Marry Him

DEAR DON’T MARRY HIM: Your sister is going to make whatever decision she wants, despite confiding about challenges in her relationship. What you may want to do to support her is to recommend that she go to premarital counseling, both individually and with her beau. This is common when couples plan to marry. Under the guidance of a faith leader or professional therapist, they discuss values, goals and dreams; personal idiosyncrasies; and more. This is an important time for couples to get a clear sense of the person they are marrying and whether or not they are compatible. Recommend that she go through this process as it will help both of them address any lingering concerns they have and forge a solid foundation for the future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend is mad because I did not invite him to my son’s graduation. They were close during the four years that we were together, but we broke up two years ago. I am seeing someone else who will be coming to the graduation. My ex says that I should reconsider because the event is about my son, not me. The two of them have maintained a relationship even after we broke up. I always thought that was nice, especially considering that my son’s dad is not around, but I don’t know how to handle having my current boyfriend and my ex together at my son’s graduation. They have met but don’t really know each other. What should I do? -- For My Son

DEAR FOR MY SON: Talk to your son and ask what he wants. It is his graduation, after all. Who would he like to be there at this momentous occasion? Ask him, and listen carefully to his answer. He may surprise you -- and you need to be ready for it. For example, he may want your ex by his side and not your current boyfriend. Whatever he says, find out his reasoning for his answer. Talk to him to discover what his heartfelt wish is for this important occasion in his life. Feel free to share your concerns and thoughts. Talk it through together.

When you have made a decision, let the invited guests know that your son wants them to celebrate with him. Honor his wishes even if that means you have to have some tough conversations with loved ones. If your ex is serving somewhat like a dad figure to your son, do not deprive him of this moment of celebration if your son wants it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Freelancing has been amazing for my lifestyle, but it doesn’t pay consistently. I was recently offered a job that would pay me a larger salary than I’ve ever made through freelancing, but it would obviously take a lot of my freedom away. I've been doing my own thing for so long that I'm not even sure how I would do at a traditional company at this point in my life. A fixed salary would be a blessing and a curse. I'd be giving so much of my freedom away, but I would be much more comfortable. What should I do? -- Money Vs. Freedom

DEAR MONEY VS FREEDOM: Your decision doesn’t have to be permanent. Why not take this job for at least a year? Set financial goals for yourself so that you can stay focused. As you track your success at saving, paying off debt and possibly building your retirement, accept that this does come at a price. You will not be able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but that’s OK. Your goals are clear, and you are focused on achieving them. Reassess at the end of one year to see if this new way of working and living works for you. If not, you can always go back to freelancing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, kids used to tease me all the time about the way I looked. I was taller than most girls, skinny, flat-chested and awkward. I did not handle the criticism well. I was shy and felt uncomfortable making friends.

Fast-forward to today. I feel more normal in the way I look, but I’m still somewhat socially awkward. I haven’t thought so much about my early years, but I will soon go to my high school class reunion, and I am nervous. Just thinking about it takes me back to the mean girls who ridiculed me for four years. How can I stay strong and positive when I see them, especially if they go back to their old behaviors? -- Reliving the Past

DEAR RELIVING THE PAST: Step back and take stock of the woman you have become. What are your assets? What do you value about yourself? What do others say about you that is positive? Write these things down. Now look at yourself in the mirror. What are your positive physical attributes? What makes you comfortable about the way you look and present yourself? What makes you uncomfortable? Own it all, sit back and accept yourself for who you are.

Next, please know that reunions tend to stir up old stuff for everyone, not just you. The girls who were mean to you probably had other stuff going on in their lives that was disturbing to them. Instead of figuring out how to deal with that, they lashed out at you. Forgive them for their childish ways.

Also, know that many attendees will be uncomfortable in their skin because they look different now. Most people gain weight over the years. It looks good on some and is unhealthy on others. People will be judging one another on how they look and what they are doing in their lives.

You can decide not to get caught up in superficialities and attend the reunion with an attitude of optimism. You can choose to speak to people who look welcoming and talk about whatever the moment calls for. You can avoid incendiary conversations, including talking about stressful memories. You are in control of yourself. You can literally walk away if someone speaks to you inappropriately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do absolutely everything for my two young adult stepchildren. I’ve been in their lives since they were toddlers, and I love them dearly. While technically I do not have any biological children, I have always treated my stepchildren as my own. I'm very hurt that year after year, they do not wish me a happy Mother's Day or honor me in any way. I am not asking for much, just the acknowledgment that I have been like a mother to them for most of their lives. How do I move forward? -- Stepmother

DEAR STEPMOTHER: Have you ever told your stepchildren how you feel? I imagine that in the early years it may have felt awkward, but this is on you and your husband. You have to teach children what your traditions are and what you expect. Now that they are young adults, they will likely be shocked that you are sad about this omission since you haven’t discussed it before. But it’s not too late to tell them. Sit with them and remind them of how much you love them and consider them as yours, even though you didn’t give birth to them. Ask them to include you in their celebration of Mother's Day as their loving stepmother.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)