DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 35-year-old woman who is married to a man four years older than me. Within a year of landing my first high-paying job, I was unfortunately laid off due to budget cuts. The day that I lost my job, I told my husband that I would need him to support me until I get back on my feet; my severance pay would last us only a few months. He hesitantly agreed to continue paying half of the rent and to help out with my student loan payments, but he told me that I’ll need to figure out how to pay for everything else (my personal needs, gas, etc.). His hesitance is what bothered me the most. My husband makes more than me -- and always has. I should be able to lean on him at a time like this. My friends and family all agree that his wavering support is cause for worry. When I’m back on my feet, would it be ridiculous to consider separating? -- Unsupportive

DEAR UNSUPPORTIVE: It is too early to jump to conclusions about whether or not you should leave your husband when you get back on your feet. He was likely shocked by your sudden change of circumstances and definitely didn’t handle it well. Keep an open dialogue with him as you go through this challenging period. Tell him you need him to be your sounding board now as you redefine yourself and find a new job. Invite him to step up and truly be there for you. Losing a job is in the top 10 life stressors for people. How you two manage this moment is what will give you a glimpse of the future. Don’t be so hasty as to plan your departure now. Instead, be in the present and make the absolute most of it. Then assess where you want to go next.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother is pretty much over the trauma that his car accident caused, but I am not. He nearly lost his life in a car accident a year ago. He made the foolish mistake of texting and driving and could have not only killed himself, but some other innocent person.

My brother has healed from his injuries and is cleared to start driving, but I am still so worried. I wish he would never get behind the wheel again. I know it isn’t realistic to want him to stop driving forever, but he is lucky to be alive, and I’m afraid his luck may run out. It isn't necessarily my trauma to carry, but it is trauma nonetheless. How do I get over this? -- Not My Trauma

DEAR NOT MY TRAUMA: You already know that you cannot live your brother’s life for him. Nor should you guilt him into being afraid to drive. You can remind him that he should put his phone out of arm’s reach when he is driving. Recommend that he not even use the hands-free feature that some newer cars have. Just turn off the phone to be safe.

Your brother needs encouragement to be responsible. So say things to him that are affirming about how he can take good care of himself. Remind him of how precious he is to you and the other people who love him. Ask him to take his life more seriously.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've started working in nightlife, and it makes perfect sense for my schedule. I’m a full-time student during the week, and I rack up a lot of tips on the weekend by working the bar at a popular nightclub. I need to have a job to help pay for my expenses. But it’s a little tricky. When my parents ask me what I’m doing to make money, I tell them that I am a waitress. It is hard for me to be honest with them. As much as I hate to admit it, I would like them to approve of what I do. I don’t see them approving of this. Should I tell them about my nightclub job? -- Side Hustle

DEAR SIDE HUSTLE: First, let me ask: What aren’t you saying? What does “working the bar” mean? What exactly do you think will embarrass your parents? I can imagine they may not prefer you to work at a nightclub, but they also may understand if you explain it to them. Yet I suspect there is more to the story than you have revealed. Is it a strip club? What do you have to wear? Do? More, do you feel that you are compromising your integrity to be and work there?

If you do not feel like you are compromising your integrity, you can tell them, even if you think they may not love the idea. If you share the context for your job, at least it will help them to understand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t find the jokes that my husband makes about our children to be funny. My husband jokes about needing to get away from our kids all the time. I have overheard him “joking” about how fun his life would be if he weren’t a dad. I know that he loves our kids. He is a great father to our young children, but his jokes aren't very funny to me. I fear that part of him really does regret having children. Should I confront him about these “jokes”? -- Hurtful Jokes

DEAR HURTFUL JOKES: You absolutely should talk to your husband about this -- primarily for the children. If they overhear him saying this, which they surely will, they may grow to believe that he is serious. By the way, what people say usually is a reflection of what they believe, even when they are joking. So you are right. Something deep inside your husband is uncomfortable about his role as a father. It could be the responsibility of being in that role, the cost of caring for children, the changed dynamics of your relationship with him or something else. Ask him what he’s really feeling. Attempt to get him to talk to you about his concerns. By bringing them to the surface in a serious conversation, you may be able to get to the root of his issues and work together to address them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Not long ago, I ended things with a person I had been in a relationship with for five years. Without a doubt the hardest part of the breakup has been having to re-explain it to all those who knew us as a couple. I am wishing that everybody would mind their business and just assume that I don't want to discuss the details any longer. It is hard reliving something that was so painful for me. My relationship was very public and I understand the curiosity, but I don’t want to keep talking about it. How do I handle the questions about my breakup? -- Tired of Explaining

DEAR TIRED OF EXPLAINING: Guess what? You can stop explaining now. While people may be curious about what happened, it is none of their business. You can kindly yet firmly say that it is true that you two broke up. You are single now. You wish your ex well, but the last thing you want to do is talk about it. The end.

This even goes for people who were close to the two of you. You can tell them that you are not in the head space right now to talk about the demise of your relationship. Have empathy. Assure them that you know they are puzzled and potentially hurting, too. But you are not ready to talk about it. You can set boundaries, even when it is uncomfortable for other people. Just do not go into the details if you don't want to. Period.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one child, and he is about to go to college in the fall. My husband and I are not in a good place, and I worry what will happen when my son goes away. I am so tired of fighting all the time about nothing. But whatever the reason, we are endlessly bickering, and I just can’t take it. I have told myself that I just need to wait until my son is gone to deal with my husband, but I don’t know if I can keep squashing it all anymore. I’m at my wits’ end. Every time I try to talk to my husband about it, the argument gets even more intense. What can I do? -- On the Edge

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Get yourself a therapist -- NOW. Do not wait. Do not feel that you have to go it alone for the next few months. It sounds like you need support right this minute. A therapist can help you engage coping skills to manage during this volatile time.

Not addressing it is not making your son’s transition out of your home any easier, by the way. He can see and feel tension. You don’t necessarily need to start divorce proceedings tomorrow morning per se, but you can get yourself help and invite your husband to join you. Sometimes getting perspective from a professional can help you to address your issues and potentially resolve them. Go for it. Get the help you need.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)