DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a Gemini, and boy does he act like one. He treats me so nicely when we are in public. But the moment we get home or out of earshot of other people, he is mean and nasty. It’s kind of shocking how he behaves.
We just went to an event, and he was so sweet and kind to me and everyone else. I thought to myself how lovely our evening was. Then, when we were at home, he was watching TV, and he mentioned something to me about what he was watching. When I asked him to clarify what he meant, he yelled at me that he had already answered in the most venomous tone ever. At first I was taken aback. Then I realized there was no audience. He could go back to being his secretly mean self. I can’t stand it. Whenever I point it out, he dismisses it, saying I am too sensitive. I don’t want to live like this. -- Two-Faced
DEAR TWO-FACED: Do you call your husband out on his behavior when he treats you meanly? Do you stand up for yourself? Even though that may be hard to do, if you do not challenge him, he may not even realize that he is doing it. So speak up and ask him why he is talking to you in that tone. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he is mean to you. Point out how he acts in public versus in private. Tell him how you want to be treated. Ask him if he is willing to attempt to be more thoughtful and kind to you.
If the answer is yes, help him to notice the times that he is harsh and disrespectful so he can learn to mend his ways. If he is unwilling to consider altering the ways that he interacts with you, you will have to make a tough decision. Is it worth it for you to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Healthline.com lists these as some signs of an abusive relationship to look out for: name-calling and derogatory nicknames, character assassination, yelling, patronizing, public embarrassment, dismissiveness, joking, belittling your personal appearance, putting down your interests and pushing your buttons. If your husband is doing any of these, what’s your next step?