DEAR HARRIETTE: I am always the plus-one for a couple of my friends. As the single member of my friend group, they typically call on me at the last minute to go with them to various activities. I do my best to be available, and usually it’s fun. My issue is that when I invite them to join me for something -- even when it isn’t last-minute -- they hardly ever say yes. Either they have a date, or they are tired because they have had a busy week or some other reason. I’m often tired, too, but I make the effort to have their backs and muster up energy whenever possible. I’m beginning to see how one-sided this is, and I don’t appreciate it. What can I do to get them to see how unfairly they are treating me? -- No More Excuses

DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: Stop saying yes all the time. Tell your friends that you do not like the balance of give-and-take in your friendship. You feel like you are the only reliable one, and this hurts your feelings. Point out that you almost always accommodate your friends when they ask you to do something with them, and rarely do they do the same for you. Ask them how they think they would feel if you almost always said no when they ask you to be their plus-one. If they balk and say they thought you loved being spontaneous, remind them that you love them and want to spend time with them and support them. Of course the activities are often fun, but being in their company is the main driver. That’s also what you want when you extend an invitation to them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a small business owner, so I work very closely with the few employees that I have. I had one particular employee who had been loyal and trusted for years, but she took a job offer and left us completely high and dry. She even lost some major files that we are still struggling to do without in her absence. She is now asking for a letter of recommendation in case she ever needs it. Should I give it to her? -- Bad Ending

DEAR BAD ENDING: Instead of automatically giving your former employee a letter of recommendation, ask her for her assistance. Point out how difficult it has been for you since she lost those files. Ask her to search again to see if she can find them or help piece together the data that is missing. Stay calm and positive as you request her help.

See if she can come in to talk to you in person. Find out what’s going on in her life and why she needs a letter of recommendation now. Are things rocky at her job? What exactly is going on? Also, share with her how challenging things have been due to the way that she left. Express how disappointed you are with how she departed. Invite her to help smooth things out at your company. Tell her you do not feel comfortable making a recommendation until you see her step up to fix the discomfort she created.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Somebody gave my daughter a black eye while she was away at college, and she didn’t tell me. I had to find out from a friend. I am furious and have a million questions, but my daughter refuses to tell me who gave her a black eye. I don’t know who she is trying to protect. She does not have a boyfriend, and she isn’t normally a fighter, so there are no real suspects that I can point a finger at. I’m so angry and so sad. What can I do? Should I fly to her college town and look for answers? -- Black Eye

DEAR BLACK EYE: Sounds like your daughter didn’t tell you about the black eye because she feared the very reaction that you are having right now. While it is horrible that someone assaulted her, she is a young adult now and has the right to deal with her issues in her own way. Of course, you want to protect her and avenge this violation, but it is not your responsibility to do so unless she asks you to.

Back off. Do your best to be a sounding board and a comfort to your daughter. Clearly, she is trying to process what happened to her on her own. You cannot force her to tell you anything, so stop trying. Instead, let her know that you want to support her in any way she needs. Tell her you are sorry for being so pushy about the black eye. Let her know you will stop asking. That may help her to relax. Eventually she may confide in you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The company I work for is doing absolutely everything they can to keep me happy. I’ve been with them for a while, but I really don’t enjoy my job. They pay me well, and that’s pretty much the only reason I’ve stayed this long. I told my boss I am thinking about leaving to explore my options, and he offered me a significant pay increase, more time off and a bigger office. Would it be stupid to leave now? -- Ready To Leave

DEAR READY TO LEAVE: Out of respect for your boss, be honest. Thank him for the pay increase and other bonuses. Let him know that you will stay for at least a particular amount of time that you feel comfortable agreeing to, and make your plan for your future. Figure out what you really want to do. Actively look for a job in that field. Do not give up on your dreams, but be appreciative of how much your boss values you. It is rewarding to know that your company values you enough to shower you with incentives to stay. Your job is to handle this eventual departure with grace so that you remain in good standing whenever the day comes that you leave.

The mistake that some people make when in this position is to take everything that is thrown at them and never share a vision of their future with the company. Then when they leave, it comes as a shock to their boss and often appears to be an insult. Be strategic and honest. Let your boss know how much you appreciate the support and faith in you. Promise to do your best as long as you stay there. Give plenty of notice when you do get another job and, to the best of your ability, try to help them find your replacement. Your boss will appreciate that the most.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wits’ end. My husband is a pot smoker. That is not news. But ever since quarantine started two years ago and we found ourselves at home all day together, he has smoked pot nearly every day -- morning, noon and night. It is no longer recreational. There seems to be a permanent waft of pot smoke going through our apartment, and I can’t stand it. I work all day at my computer. The last thing I want to smell is weed as I’m pitching to clients. He is barely working and sits around watching YouTube all day and puffing. I have asked him not to smoke all day, to make sure he lights a candle before he smokes and basically to be more courteous. He just gets mad. We do not have a backyard, so whenever he smokes, the stinky cloud wafts through our whole apartment. I’m sick of it. What can I do? -- Pot-Free Zone

DEAR POT-FREE ZONE: The things that bothered us when we first met someone -- spouses included -- tend to be the very ones that linger years later. And so it goes with your husband and his weed. His frequency of use may have changed, but not the basic behavior. Quarantine was hard on a lot of households. Many people whose jobs were diminished developed unhealthy habits, like daylong weed smoking, much to the dismay of those living with them.

I’m sorry that you did not establish house rules at the beginning of quarantine, but it sounds like you need to set some now -- starting with no smoking in the house before a particular time. Point out how disruptive it is for you as you are working. Suggest that he do things that get him out of the house. That could be anything from looking for work to taking a walk, spending time with friends or going to the gym.

You may not be able to curb his smoking entirely, but if you agitate every time he smokes during the day, you may be able to annoy him enough to limit his usage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The locals in my new town are complete haters. I’m from New York City. In New York, you can wear whatever you want, and nobody will bat an eye. When I moved to a small town a few months back, I kept my New York fashion sense, and it didn't translate well at all. The locals in the town where I live now give me dirty looks every day. Someone always has something to say about my outfits (mostly negative things). I love dressing up, but I’m sick of the glares and rude remarks. What should I do? -- New Town

DEAR NEW TOWN: Because people who live in New York City come from all walks of life, there is a convergence of styles there that quite naturally leads to a different level of acceptance than in many other places. You have transplanted into a more homogeneous community that has its own set of values and traditions. If you want to live harmoniously there, you may need to think about how to modify your personal presentation a bit to cut down on the glares and snipes. Or you can decide that how you are is perfect and stop noticing their judgment. Your attitude about yourself is what you can control. If you fully embrace your uniqueness and stop allowing their opinions to affect you, over time they may more fully welcome you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)