DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a very talkative and outgoing roommate. I am a complete introvert, and social interaction can be very draining for me. Sometimes I do not want to be bothered at the end of a long day, but my roommate will still knock on my door and start casual conversations with me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, because I really like her. How do I tell her that I want to be left alone in a way that won’t offend her? -- Chatty Roommate
DEAR CHATTY ROOMMATE: Establishing house rules can be extremely helpful for roommates. It will be to the benefit of you both if you speak up and let your roommate know who you are, how you like to interact and what makes you happy. Don’t feel that sharing this with her is offensive. Instead, it is offering clarity. To live with someone requires excellent communication between the two parties. Otherwise, people will try to figure out on their own why the other is behaving in a particular way. Usually, those considerations are not accurate.
It’s good that you know yourself well enough to be able to point out what you like and need on the social interaction front. Tell your roommate that you are an introvert and that alone time is essential for your peace of mind. Specifically, if your door is closed, please do not enter. Knock only if it is urgent. Because she needs interaction, it would be good to let her know when you two can talk. This will help limit her pouncing on you with chatter the moment you open your door. Perhaps every day for 15 minutes at a particular time you two have coffee and catch up. Work it out together.